“Charlotte…” YG-shi murmurs. “Are you sure about leaving?”

I nod as I avoid his eyes.

“Well, then, I guess there’s nothing else I can do.” He sighs. “I already booked a flight for you. You’ll be leaving next week.”

My heart drops as I hear his words. There it is. My deadline. I’ll be leaving next week. I nod again, not trusting my voice.

“All your stuff will be gone by tomorrow. But, we’ll only leave one of your suitcases. So, I suggest you change out of those bloody clothes and put on something more comfortable.” He scratches his head. “I guess you can sleep in your place for the rest of the week.” He then mutters something too low for me to hear.

I nod once more. I stand up and slightly bow. I start to make my way towards the door.

“Wait just one more minute, Charlotte.” YG-shi calls. I stop, not turning around. “Are you really sure about leaving?” He asks once more, something I can’t place in his voice.

I clear my throat. “I’m sorry about all this, YG-shi.” I mumble. “But something just came up and I have to leave. I’m really sorry about not being able to do the music video.”

YG lets out a long sigh. “I know, Charlotte, I know. But if you have to, then you have to.” He hesitates. “Charlotte…”

“Yes, sir?”

“Did you—Ani. Have you seen any of the boys?”

I freeze. Does YG know about the boys fighting? No, he couldn’t have, right? He hasn’t mentioned anything about it so far.

“No,” I breathe. “I haven’t.” I close my eyes tight as my heart squeezes from the lie. I hear YG sigh then mutter something under his breath.

“Charlotte, are you going to tell the boys about your leaving?”

“No.” My voice breaks.

-----------------------------------

I close the door behind me and slowly slide down until I hit the floor. I saw YoungBae… Right after I leave YG’s office, I quickly hid behind a wall as I saw YoungBae pounding against my door. Seeing him made my eyes water in the first place. I don’t bother and turn on the lights. I think it’s better if I see nothing right now. I reach up and lock the door before I bury my face in my hands. This is insane. I shouldn’t be able to cry anymore. Isn’t there a limit to crying?

A faint, bright yellow light illuminates some parts of the place. I look up and stare at the window. The sun is rising. It must be 6 in the morning now. It’s amazing that I haven’t slept at all yet. Actually, it’s amazing how people are still awake. I wonder if the boys are awake… I let out a long sigh as I feel my eyes sting. I continue looking out the window, watching the sunrise. I can’t tell the boys that I’m leaving. Leaving them is hard enough in the first place.

But I should leave. That fight between YoungBae and Seunghyun could’ve torn them apart… that fight feels like it’s been years ago now. I shouldn’t have gotten close to YoungBae or the others. I should’ve stayed on a friendly basis. Did my heart really have to take over? Why couldn’t have my mind done all the work? I thought I learned my lesson about following my heart years ago. Can these things just come back in a blink of an eye?

As if the sun was reading my thoughts, I break out of my thoughts and blink. With just one blink, the sun completely lights up the whole place. I feel the sides of my lips curl up as I look around the room; everything touched and warmed by the light. I stand up and walk over to the window. I unlock the window and pull it up. I stick my head out the window and angle my face up to the sun.

I close my eyes and bask in the warmth it gives me. A soft breeze comes and easily lifts up my hair off my shoulders. I wish I could feel like this all the time, every day and every night.

I wish the sun could be mine, to wrap me with its’ warmth and caress me with it’s cool breeze.

-------------------------------

“That’s it?” He asks in disbelief. “You’re going to leave just like that?”

I shake my head, tears rolling down my cheeks. “Please,” I plead. “It’s not what you think.”

“I can’t believe you!” He shouts, making me flinch. “To think I fell for you.”

“YoungBae…” I sob. “Please.”

“Please what?” He growls. “You think I’m going to forgive you? Think again.”

I don’t say anything. I just stare at him, silently pleading with my eyes. He looks away and turns around.

“Just leave.” He says, ending the conversation completely.

I run after him anyway. I scream his name over and over again until my knees give out. I wrap my arms around myself as if it’ll help me keep myself together.

“I’m sorry, YoungBae.” I whisper, trying to see through my tears. “I fell for you, too…”

I gasp and sit up, trying to breathe. My hand goes up and clutches my chest. I blink countless times as I try to look around. Why is everything so dark? I frantically rub my eyes and take another look around the room. Everything is still black. Am I going blind or something? I feel around me. I feel a blanket and pillows. Bed.

I feel my shoulders slump as it finally hits me.

“It was just a dream.” I whisper as an image of YoungBae walking away pops into my mind. I rub my eyes again, feeling water land on my fingertips. Have I been crying? I bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. I hold on tighter as I recall my dream.

“Nightmare is more like it.” I mutter as a drop goes down my cheek.

It felt so real. Real enough to make me scared. What if he does find out that I’m leaving? What if he snaps at me like in my nightmare? I hug my knees tighter as a sob escapes my lips. What if all of the boys found out and they’ll start hating me? I shakily reach up and wipe my forehead; feeling more drops on my hand. I’m sweating. I’m crying. I’m a mess.

I weakly climb out of bed and touch the wall to guide me. I look down; looking straight and staring at the darkness is too sickening. It feels like as if it’ll pull me in any second. I finally find a light switch. I flip on the lights and squint as I look around the room I’m in. I’m in the kitchen, just where I need to be. I stumble over to the fridge and take out a water bottle. I shakily open it and gulp it all down instantly. I finish up the bottle with a soft sigh. I leave the empty bottle on the counter and go to the living room.

Why is it so dark? Isn’t it the afternoon by now? I glance at the clock. My eyes widen as I read the time. I walk over and stare out the window. It can’t be 11 p.m. already, right? The sky outside says otherwise. Just like my place, the night sky is completely pitch black. I actually slept for a whole day? When I fell asleep, it was only 7 a.m.! I rub my eyes once more, wiping away the tears on my cheeks. I sit on the sofa and stare out the window, the room full of shadows because of the dim lighting in the kitchen.

I don’t think I can go back to sleep after that nightmare. Actually, I don’t want to go back to sleep. I lean back against the sofa and pull my legs up to my chest. I wrap my arms around my legs, as I look at all the shadows in the darkness.

“What should I do now?” I whisper, the question meaning more than just about how to spend my time throughout the night.