“Excuse me.” A voice says, slicing through our tense atmosphere. Daesung and I snap our heads towards the door. A male employee was standing in the doorway, smiling kindly. He says something Korean. At the corner of my eyes, I see Daesung nod. Daesung gently takes my hand and leads me out.

“Closing time.” Daesung mutters. I take one last glance at the sky. I never realized it was already dark. We walk out of the mall. The black van was waiting right in front. Daesung opens the door for me and we climb in. Daesung says something to the driver.

Once the van starts moving, I look back out the window. I quickly get back the thoughts I tried so hard to bury. I remember crying my whole being out. My friend, brother, and first love just died and I didn’t even see it happen. I was right in front of the whole scene, for crying out loud! I remember running off to the forest once I saw the paramedics take him away, away from me.

I stayed overnight in the forest, and found myself staring at the stars intensely that day as if the stars would tell me everything. I especially remember being completely silent for two months after his funeral. I spent all my days staying at the park, sitting in the same spot all day. While people went on with their lives, I stayed back; hoping he would pop out of nowhere and give me the smile I fell in love with. My parents were emotional wrecks all the time. They would always worry about me. But they soon got used to it all; only got used to the silence though.

They would always come with me to the park, keeping a distance. I still feel sorry for making them go through all that. Actually, I did everything to make it up to them. I cooked, I cleaned, I bought, and I even got a job to make it up to them. That’s how I got my own place right after I graduated high school; I made enough money with the help of some money from my parents, too. Everything changed after I moved out, though. My parents changed. They started getting more into their work and I soon figured out that it was never really a job. They all just go out as if they’re on vacation. They do “business” cruises, out of country “business” meetings, the works.

I later got disgusted of them. I don’t hate them, no. But I find it repulsive that they’re not doing anything anymore. They’re just wasting money. I even found out that they decreased to an apartment. Heck, I bet they’re just going from hotel to hotel by now. When I got my own place, I still went to the park. I got better, sure. I changed to what I am now. I buried those memories deep down, but whenever I think about it, it all effortlessly comes back.

To be honest, I thought telling Daesung about this would bring back that pain I felt when I saw his bloody body, but after telling him… The feelings aren’t there. Actually, I feel better, as if a really huge weight isn’t suffocating me anymore. The only thing I feel towards that story is hatred. I know why would I have that feeling when someone you love just dies? I just do because of what happened. But what’s nagging me now is if I should tell Daesung the real aftermath…

“Noona.” Daesung whispers. “Come on.”

The car stops and we climb out. Daesung instantly takes my hand and starts walking. I then realize that we’re already at the park where I saw YoungBae the second time. It’s already dark outside, really dark. We sit down at the bench. I stare back out at the stars, my whole body relaxing at the sight.

“What happened after?” Daesung whispers, looking at me.

I smile weakly, still looking at the sky. “What do you mean? I reacted like people usually do. Go into shock, stay quiet, and then move on.”

I see him shake his head. “From the look on your face in the car, I know something happened after.”

I meet Daesung’s eyes. “You’re good.” I whisper. I stare back out the sky and lean back on the bench. “After two years passed, I did get better. Actually, I changed into the person today.” I gave another weak smile at the sky. My smile drops once my thoughts go back to that day where I thought I would ever experience.

[Flashback…3 years ago]

I was visiting my parents that day, but only to find the same thing every time I visit. Nobody was home. I thought I should at least take a walk down memory lane, something I wish I shouldn’t have done. I went back to that park.

I became quiet once I set a foot on that grass. My mind shut down and my body did everything. My legs walked towards that bench where I saw “him” pass away. I sat down, feeling like that insecure 17-year-old again as I stared at that space. I stayed there until night fell around me and every one went home. The park was completely deserted. Or so I thought.

I saw a man walking towards me with their hood up and their head down. I instinctively stood up and hid. The man sat down at the bench and took his hood off. Is that… That’s when I felt everything crashing down on me again. My mind shutting back down, I jumped out of the bushes.

“Daniel?” I whispered.

The man snapped his head to me, his face displaying complete shock. He threw his hood back on and stood up, starting to walk away. My blood boiled in that instant. I rushed up behind him and pulled on his arm, making him stop. I snatch the hood of his head and gape. It really is him.

“Charlotte, I—“

He got cut off with my fist connecting to his jaw. He looked at me in disbelief as he rubbed his jaw.

“You bastard!” I exploded. I never swear that much. Even saying that word seems too strong for me before. But… I’ve changed, right? I’m older, more independent than last time. I think I have the right for this.

“Char—“

I cut him off again. “Don’t you dare say my name! Don’t you even think about it!” I screamed. “How could you leave me?”

He opened his mouth, his eyes pleading. When no words came out of his mouth, he closed it again, this time, a steely expression on his face. “Because I wanted to.”

That made me pause. He gave a cold smirk. He took this opportunity and spat more words in my face. “I wanted you to get out of my life. I didn’t want an ignorant, clingy girl breathing down my neck all the time. You’re not important in my life. I wanted to forget you. No remembrance whatsoever.” He ranted.

I felt my blood pile up as I was fixing to throw another punch. Then my body and mind shut down this time, my blood and heart cooled down.

“I see. Well, you got what you want, Daniel.” I said, my voice completely calm and cold. I reach up my sleeve and pull off the silver bracelet he gave me for my birthday. I hold it up between our faces. I see his eyes turn soft as he eyes the bracelet. “You see this? I would give it to you and say that you should give it to a girl who’s ‘important’ in your life, but you don’t want a single memory of me.” I sneered.

I tossed the bracelet and it landed right on the road where Daniel “died”. As if it was a reenactment, a motorcycle zoomed through and crushed the bracelet to pieces. Under the streetlights, I could see silver bits scattered all over. I met Daniel’s eyes; he looks at me in disbelief once again.

“You’re not the Daniel I know anymore.” I turned my back at him and walked away, feeling complete hatred towards him. But, the hatred felt so much better than the pain.

“I hope you know that my love for you died along with that bracelet.” I yelled as I walked away without another glance.

“Love…” I heard him murmur.

[End Flashback]

“I still wonder what he means when he said that.” I murmur. I see a star sparkle at the corner of my eyes. “I said I’ve changed and it’s true. It’s actually harder for me to trust somebody, let alone love. But you guys and YoungBae… I suddenly open up again. I hope you guys don’t break it.” I say. “Do you know why I love looking at the sky?” I repeat my previous question out of the blue.

Daesung slings his arm around me. “Why?”

I finally give him a smile, a bittersweet one. “Because it’s the only thing that never left me so far.” I whisper as I meet Daesung’s eyes. My eyes start to sting and water. For the first time in 5 years, I let my tears fall.

Except I wish I didn’t cry over something that’s completely useless.