I punch the brick wall, not caring if I break my knuckles or not. This is crazy! Why am I acting like this? I know I’m falling and I know I’m in deep, but I didn’t know I would be in too deep. I shouldn’t be like this. The side that rarely shows is beginning to come. And I think it’s going to take over me permanently.

“I’m sorry, YoungBae…” I whisper. “I can’t force myself to stop.”

I straighten myself up and sigh. I clench my hands into fists as I start walking out of the alley and to the YG building. I don’t think I should look for her. I should just give her space. Seeing her face would leave me even more heartbroken. Heartbroken…

Who knew I’d ever have that feeling? As if to prove the point, a sharp stab hits my heart. I tighten my fists as my eyes start to water. One drop falls down my cheek, eventually breaking me down. I release the hold on my fists and let my tears fall down effortlessly. I keep my head down, frustrated and embarrassed and sad at the same time. Why did I get myself into this? I had the choice to refuse, but I just had to agree for the sake of my friend.

I should blame it on YoungBae, for getting me into this mess. I should blame Charlotte, for making have those feelings. But I know that it was never their fault in the first place. All of it was my fault. It was my fault for bringing this down on me. I should have known better. But then again, I couldn’t force myself to stop having feelings for Charlotte or I could have refused YG’s plan. YG would’ve have understand…

But I agreed for YoungBae. I saw how he looked at Charlotte, how he was completely different with her. I knew he didn’t have the guts to do anything because he didn’t know that he lo—has feelings for her in the first place. He’s never had a girlfriend, for crying out loud! And Charlotte… She looks so innocent, so pure. Well, it looks that way on the inside. It seems like she’s hiding something, though. The two really haven’t experienced this thing, and they’re completely clueless.

I look up and realize I’m already in front of the YG building. I aggressively wipe away any tears. Nobody should see me like this. Hell, I don’t think anybody has seen me cry before. After I make sure I don’t give away any signs of tears, I go into the building. I take the elevator and look at my reflection. My eyes are still kind of puffy and red. I shrug it off.

People will probably think I haven’t slept in days or something. Plus, I can always make up a lie. The elevator dings and the doors open. I step out and start walking towards our dorm. I wonder what the others are doing. They’ll probably ask where Charlotte is.

As I walk down the hallway, I could see someone stumbling on the other end of the hall. I squint my eyes and realize that it’s YoungBae. A whole wave of guilt goes over me as I take his appearance in. His eyes look so empty, so emotionless. He trips and he holds on to the wall. His cheeks look so hallow, he’s white as a sheet. I suppress a shudder. One of his arms lazily goes back and forth as if he’s some zombie.

Maybe he is a zombie. He looks so…dead. I take a sharp intake of breath.

That’s when his eyes snap to my face.

And his face turns cold.

------------------------------------

[TPOV]

“I gave him my approval.”

The words go round and round in my head, as if a tornado was going around me. I trip and get a hold on to the wall. Too many thoughts… My brain could be fried for all I know. I can’t even see clearly. Maybe I’m blind…

“He asked if he could be with Charlotte.”

The words bounced back and forth in my head. YG gave Seunghyun hyung his approval. Hyung is allowed to date… he’s been allowed for a while now. How come I didn’t know this before? Why did YG lie to me? I’m so stupid!

Someone inhaling echoes through my ears and I snap my eyes toward the sound. My vision returns as I stare at the figure across the other end of the hall. My mind shuts down and my body turns on. I have no more thoughts; this is all my heart working. All my emotions come back just as instantly and build up inside me once again. I’m not going to hold back anymore.

He took her away and I can’t live with that.

He stole her from me and that kills me.

Before I realized it, I was already face to face with Seunghyun hyung. It feels like my brain ran out of my head and my heart took control of everything. I didn’t think, I just did. Letting all my feelings take over, I take in a deep breath as my eyes turn to slits.

I punched him.

Seunghyun hyung goes to the floor, rubbing his jaw. He looks up at me, shocked. He starts to stand up. I don’t give him a chance and punch him right in the gut. He grunts and falls back on the floor.

“YoungBae…”

I take another hit at his cheek.

“You…” I choke, not able to say any more words. Instead, I kicked him in the stomach again. “You stole her!” I finally sputter out. I go for another punch, but he ends up blocking it. He manages to grab my wrist.

“YoungBae! Stop this!” He breathes. He tightens his grip on my wrist when I tried to struggle free. “You’re not thinking straight!”

“The hell I’m not!” I snap as I pull my wrist free. I swing and manage to punch him right in the chest.

Seunghyun hyung stumbles back a few steps. “You’re going to regret this later on!”

“How can you be so sure?” I shout. I swing once more, but he manages to get out of the way. He quickly brings up his fist and punches me in my face. I stumble back at the blow. I feel some liquid run down my lips. I wipe my hand across my lips. Blood. He freaking made me bleed! I lunge and grab him back the stomach. I tackle him down and punch his face.

Seunghyun hyung coughs and throws me off of him. I slide and hit my back against the wall. I grunt and get on all fours as I cough. I hear footsteps come closer to me. I look up and almost growl. Seunghyun hyung looks at me, his face angry. He kicks me in my gut. I fall back down and groan.

“I don’t want to do this, YoungBae.” He whispers.

“Why?” I cough. “Think you’re not good enough?”

His face grows cold as grabs my shirt. He pulls me up and glares at me, anger evident in his eyes. I smirk.

“You think you’re all high and mighty just because you have Charlotte? Think again. I think Charlotte just isn’t seeing clearly these days.” I sneer.

“You…” He growls as he throws me across the hallway.

I cough and struggle to get back up. He can’t get rid of me easily.

“Hyung!” I hear someone shout. I ignore it and get back up. I lunge and hit his face again. Without giving him time to recover, I swing again and hit his right eye. He stumbles back as I smirk. That’s going to leave a mark in the morning. I see Jiyong go over to Seunghyun hyung’s side and hold him back. I feel two pairs of hands grab on to each of my arms.

I wave my arms around, hoping to get them off. I only focus my eyes on Seunghyun hyung. Seunghyun hyung stands up and wipes his face. He glares at me as he tries to free himself from Jiyong’s grasp.

I myself turn around and glare at the two people restraining me.

“Hyung, snap out of it.” Daesung shouts, worry in his eyes.

I feel my eyes turn to slits as I look back at Seunghyun hyung. “Let me go, Daesung! He needs to know what kind of pain I feel!” I shout as I try to free myself.

Seungri and Daesung tighten their grips on my arms.

“Hyung! Please, stop!” Jiyong yells. He wraps his arms around Seunghyun hyung, trying to get a good grip on him.

“Not until he knows what real pain feels like!” Seunghyun hyung shouts.

He finally manages to break free from Jiyong’s grasp and he charges towards me. In one swift movement, he swings and I feel a sharp pain hit in my stomach. I groan and struggle to be free again.

“Let me go!” I snap. I whirl my arms around and the two let go. I quickly hit Seunghyun hyung at his jaw again.

“Stop it!” A higher voice screams.

I see Jiyong, Daesung, and Seungri freeze. Seunghyun hyung lunges for me and tackles me down to the floor. I ignore the familiar sounding voice and push Seunghyun hyung off of me.

I realize I’m breathing heavily and sweating bullets. But do I care? No, not really. Because this is me, fighting for something that might as well belong to someone else.

I don’t think I can give up. Ever.