Kyungsoo’s POV

Hyungs, I’m sorry. I just had to.

With those 7 words scribbled on that little note left on the porcelain kitchen table, we were down to nine. It was almost as if I expected it to hurt less, simply because this was the third time. But no, it hurt just as bad, if not more. How could it not when every waking moment for a good half of our lives was spent together?

 I felt a thread pulling me, like some sinister force dragging me towards negativity.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t take another member leaving. I just couldn’t deal with these emotions. I didn’t know what to feel, what to think, how to react. It was like a downpour of mixed emotions with every one demanding to be felt.  It was overwhelming; it was exhausting; it was crushing. I stood there for who knew how long in the darkness of disbelief and pain before a tug on my sweatpants pulled me out of my reverie. Glancing down, I saw my sweet son Jungwoo standing beside me, his chunky hands grabbing on to my sweatpants for support, his head barely to my knees, his eyes huge with curiosity and innocence. His other hand rose, yearning to be carried. “Up!” His high-pitched voice cut through my dark thoughts like a ray of sunlight. Sweeping him in my arms, I carried him to the empty living room and kissed him hard along his chin and neck until he squealed with glee. I loved on him so openly with abandon and not a care in the world. With the giggling toned down and the squealing stopped, he looked up at my face. Tilting his head ever so slightly to the left, he reached out his hands to cup my cheeks, his eyes bright and alert. Concern. I watched his eyes search my face, questioningly, as if he was asking, “What’s wrong, Dad?”

I felt a thread tugging me again, but this time it was nothing like the menacing pull just moments earlier.

This time I knew it was my son’s tiny hands, pulling his body closer to mine and laying his head on my chest. And I gladly went into his embrace.

Jongin’s POV

That was how I found him the wee hours of the morning, sitting on the couch with Jungwoo having fallen asleep again on his chest.

Leaning against the door frame, with our one-and-a-half year old toddler balanced on my hip, I took the opportunity to observe him before he noticed me. That was when I got a sense of foreboding that I couldn’t explain. The way he stared emptily at the living room wall, cradling our other son in his arms and distractedly touched his lips to the head of our sleeping child. Somehow I knew. I didn’t know what exactly but I just knew.

“Kyung-ah”

Barely a whisper, and yet he jumped as if someone pricked him with a needle. The jump jostled Jungwoo awake and he started whining. Kyungsoo started to calm him before his wails woke all the members up. Once Jungwoo was back in dreamland, Kyungsoo turned his eyes on me and said those haunting words. Words that I never wanted to hear again.

“Tao’s gone.”

It took all but 2 whole seconds for me to process. With both his arms cradling the sleeping toddler in his arms, he tilted his head slightly in the direction of the kitchen. Still balancing Dongwoo on my hip with one arm, I took purposeful long strides to the kitchen and immediately my eyes zoned in on the note. I read and re-read.

And I proceeded to crunch the slip of paper in an angry fist.