Kyungsoo’s POV

In Hong Kong

Stupid stupid stupid.

Leaving the babies back in Korea was probably the hardest decision I had to make. My mind knew this was the best option. After all, Jongin’s mom had the experience and expertise to take good care of them. But my heart couldn’t help but feel guilty. The twins, especially Jungwoo, were going to a difficult and painful period of their lives and I was not there by their sides. The nights following up our flight to Hong Kong, Jungwoo cried and screamed every single night. One night, his desperate cries lasted for 45 minutes. It wrenched my heart out, leaving me feeling completely exhausted and raw from the ordeal.

So let’s just say I wasn’t in the best of moods.

I felt crappy and full of angst. To be honest, I didn’t feel like I had the capacity to laugh and smile when my baby was in pain. Even though he wasn’t by my side at the moment, it was as if I could sense his discomfort. I couldn’t sleep on the plane ride here, my mind constantly on my sons. The lack of rest the past few nights was making me extremely irritable. I didn’t even want to smile for the cameras that were flashing away in the airport. Jongin stuck close to me in the airport, walking beside me without saying a word.

Oh, NOW he finally sensed my mood.

He was happily joking around with the members on the plane, candidly explaining to them about the whole teething situation as if it was nothing much. The way he shrugged his shoulders, the nonchalant tone of his voice and the way he ‘comforted’ me in front of the members as if I was making such a big deal out of it by being worried for my babies.

All that pissed me off.

 

As if he wasn’t worried. As if I didn’t know.

All an act, I knew. I knew how the twins were on his mind as well. I saw the worry and concern in his eyes when he saw the twins’ picture on his phone wallpaper. I saw the tiny frown on his forehead when he sat staring out the plane window.

Him and his stupid vow to me.

I admit, at times, I did need him as my pillar of support and strength. But sometimes, I wanted him to lean on me as well. I too wanted to be his pillar of strength. I wanted him to rely on me. I didn’t want to always be the only one taking; I wanted to give too.

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Jongin’s POV

At rehearsal

Sighs.

Different rooms. Again.

Were our managers blind or something? What? They were worried that I might get Kyungsoo pregnant again? Ha. And they put Baek and Yeol in the same room. Blind. Very very blind.

I didn’t have time to bring the issue up with them before we were all whizzed off to rehearsals for the Hong Kong Dome Festival. Rehearsals were frantic, as usual, with the limited time we had. The staff were all preparing in nervousness and anticipation. Soon, the concert started and it was time to perform. As we stood waiting backstage for our turn to perform, I made my way towards Kyungsoo, stopping right behind him.

“Do you want to swap rooms with Jongdae as that you can sleep with me tonight?” I leaned forward and whispered mischievously into Kyungsoo’s ear.

He flinched and pulled away, before turning back to look at me and shrugging his shoulders.

Weird.

He had been acting weird ever since we left Korea. I knew he was worried for the twins but he wasn’t the type who would vent his feelings on those around him. He was too nice and considerate to want to impose on others. But this time, he was in a really foul mood and hardly said a word to me since we landed in Korea.

“Kyungie, what’s wrong?” I placed my hands on his shoulders.

“Hm? Nothing.” He said, deadpan.

Definitely not nothing. Something was up. And then, he shifted his body slightly towards Suho until their arms were touching. He said something to Suho, something I couldn’t hear over the screaming crowd. They both laughed at what Kyungsoo said and Suho replied something in kind.

Talking to the members was totally fine with me. They were like our brothers, important people of our lives. I didn’t even feel an ounce of jealousy whenever Kyungsoo initiated skinship with any one of them. I often did the same myself.

But not this time.

He gave me offhand replies and yet he was laughing away with Suho?!

Anger boiled within me, my heart beating fast. I gripped his wrist and spun him around to face me. His face a mixture of irritation and defiance as he stood his ground. Despite his shorter height, he did not back down from our stare-down. Before I could say anything, a lady wearing a headset appeared at the top of the stairs.

“EXO, you’re up.”

He harshly shook his wrist out from my grip and gave me a brazen look before walking towards the stage. I was fuming. Absolutely furious. What on earth did I do to deserve a treatment like this?

Throughout the performance, I tried to focus on the fans, making heart signs and smiling at them. I played around on stage with Sehun during 3.6.5. After all, we came to give our fans a show and a show we must give. That was what I told myself, but deep down I knew I was trying to provoke Kyungsoo. Then came the part when we took the formation of two trees. When Jongdae moved to the centre to sing his part, it left Kyungsoo and I standing in front of each other face to face. Anger fumed within me again as I was reminded of his attitude towards me earlier.

“What is up with you?”

“Must you do this now?

“Why not?”

 “Jongin. We are in the middle of the performance.”

“So?”

When he didn’t say another word, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes in irritation. Communication was the key to every relationship and he was not helping to make it any better.

Nope. He was not helping it one bit.

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Kyungsoo’s POV

Childish, I know.

Something so small. Completely blown out of proportions.

I tried to immerse myself in the performance, dancing and jumping around as well, but anyone could see that my heart wasn’t into it. How could I be?

He just drove me crazy.

Especially in the 3.6.5 performance. Running around holding SEHUN’s hand. With a huge grin on his face. Dancing like nothing was wrong. Waving to the fans. Fooling around with the members. Jumping around on stage. Acting like nothing was wrong.

And he still had the nerve to ask what was wrong with me during the Wolf performance after that.

 

Being in Hong Kong away from my babies was wrong.

My relationship with him was wrong.

My emotions now were wrong.

What was wrong?

 

 

Everything.

Everything was wrong.

So when we finally reached the hotel room that night, I braced myself for the ultimatum.

The one getting it was not going to be me. It was going to be him.

~

“Kyungsoo.” He gripped my arm and harshly pulled me into his room.

Sensing the terse atmosphere, Luhan and Sehun quickly scooted out of the room to avoid the storm that was about to come.

“I don’t know what your problem is but you have been acting really off ever since we left Korea.”

“So you noticed.” Sarcasm was dripping from every word I said. It left a bitter taste in my mouth but I was too caught up in my anger that I ignored it completely.

“Kyungsoo.” His tone was unwavering and stern, my name said as a warning. Not that I was going to back down. His eyes bored into mine and a crease began to form on his forehead.

“What?” I lifted my chin ever so slightly, as if to taunt him. I saw the fire burning in his eyes, the anger and fury. Seemed like I touched a raw nerve.

“You are being so childish! Here I am, trying to communicate with you, trying to understand. And you are being so stubborn!” He all but yelled.

“Ha. Childish? Look who’s talking.”

“Stop it,” he growled.

“Stop what?”

“I know you are in a bad mood. I know you are worried about the twins. But that is no excuse to be acting this way. You are making a big deal out of nothing! Teething is a natural process of growth and development. What are you so worried about?”

That was the last straw for me.

“I am making a big deal out of NOTHING?! Who are you kidding, Jongin? This isn’t about the teething! This is about being worried as a parent. Don’t lie to me. I know you a lot better than you think I do. I know you are worried too. You are just better at hiding it then me. And you call me childish? And you went off with Sehun. Running around having fun. Trying to push my buttons. Don’t think I didn’t notice. So I don’t think you have any right to call me childish!” I shrieked.

He just stared at me, stunned and eyes wide open. But the fiercest of all anger was the rage in the place of dearest love. We needed this trash out session. Without giving him time to recover, I continued.

“You know what? All those are just the tip of the iceberg. You want to know what’s wrong? I’ll tell you what’s wrong. I feel like I am always the needy one, alright?! I feel like I keep taking and taking. I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit. If you are worried, TELL ME. If you feel sad, LET ME HELP. Always acting strong and putting up a show. What am I to you? Share with me your problems. I want to be there for you. I want to help you. I want to be able to do something for you.”

He finally found his sense enough to reply.

“I didn’t know you felt that way. I am sorry----“

I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

“Oh please. Stop giving in to me every single time! Say what you really feel. Tell me what you are thinking! Is it that diffi---“

 “Fine! I am worried! But it broke my heart to watch you cry. Instincts, alright? What was I supposed to do? I constantly feel the need to protect you, to be strong for you. What is so bad about that? All I did was to love you!”

“And all I want to do is love you BACK! Give me a bloody chance!”

“I’ll let you top. I’ll let you lead. Is that what you want?!”

“You know that’s not what I meant! I want to be your pillar of strength as well! I want to be able to support you, to help you, to be there for you!”

“You already are! Don’t you see? You are all I need. All I EVER need! If I’m having a bad day, I take one look at your face and all the troubles fly away.”

“No they don’t! I see it in your eyes, Jongin. You’ve got worries and burdens that you just keep all bottled up inside. Share them with me. Two brains are always better than one…” Then a possibility occurred to me, “Oh I see. You don’t trust me enough. To just tell me your problems. You don’t think I can help.”

“You know that’s NOT TRUE!”

“Then what is the freaking REASON?!”

“I just don’t want to put more burden on your shoulders, alright?!” He yelled, “You’ve been through so much already. Getting pregnant as a male, parents issue, postpartum depression. I feel like I don’t have the damn right to complain about anything, do you understand?! After all that you have been through, for me no less, how could I not? You tell me, how could I complain about not getting enough sleep or being tired from training or singing?”

“I’m not as fragile as you think!”

 

 

“Yes you are.” He whispered.

It was not his words that stunned me. It was the tone. His entire demeanour changed. His posture was no longer upright and proudly standing his ground. I placed my hands on his shoulders and gave him a hard shake.

“No. I. Am. Not.”

I lifted his face to make eye contact. He kept his eyes glued to the ground.

“Look at me,” I said firmly, “Look at me!”

He finally lifted his eyes to stare straight at me.

“You get that fragile notion out of your head. Oh, screw that. You know what, you are just as fragile to me as I am to you. Can you see it now? From my point of view, at least? I worry for you all the time, the same way you worry about me. I want to help you but I don’t know what the exact problem is. Because you never talk to me. You never tell me anything. Not your burdens. Not your worries. Not your troubles. It was exactly the same when you hurt your back during our trainee days. Instead of telling me and confiding in me, you turned to the bottle.”

He flinched at the mention of his darkest period.

“At that time, I knew what was holding you back. I knew what was bothering you. But now, I don’t. I can’t even guess. It is as if you don’t want my help. You put on this happy, carefree face all the time but you and I both know that you too have worries. As a parent, at the very least. You cried with me when we watched Jungwoo screaming in discomfort. You were just as equally affected as me, if not more. Talk to me. Share with me. I don’t care how small it may be. I don’t care how insignificant you think it may be. We are in a relationship. We are engaged. We are a couple. And couples talk.”

 

Silence, as he took in what I said.

“I never thought about it that way. I just didn’t want to burden you or give you more causes to worry about. I really thought I was doing the right thing, Kyung ah.”

“I know you weren’t aware. I don’t blame you for anything. Now that you know, I just hope that you would learn to confide in me more.”

“I’ll try, I promise.”

“Try now.”

 

 

And that night, it was like magic. The conversation that we had was open and honest, baring all that we felt inside. That night, I finally felt like I played an equal role in this relationship.

 

That night, I felt like I finally gave. 

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A/N: So um… I may have gone a little overboard with this fight. ><

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