"when you smile, sunshine"  -Baby, Don't Cry

 

 

 

Jongin’s POV

 

Being in China meant being away from my babies.

 

Oh, how much I missed them. I missed them like the sea would miss salt if it were taken away. To be perfectly honest, until I had a baby (well, babies), I didn’t even realize how much I was missing one. Now, I couldn’t imagine life without them.

 

 

 

 

 

So being back in Korea felt like I had finally the missing piece to my puzzle.

 

I couldn’t wait to get home to my babies.

 

By the time we reached home, it was already nine at night.

 

My mother was sitting on the rocking chair in the balcony, staring at the array of stars lighting up the night sky. This was a place where she held the babies on her laps under the stars and whispered in their ears that the lights in the sky are holes in the floor of heaven.

 

Like she did with me.

 

The door clicked shut, and she whirled around at the sound. The twins took one look at Kyungie and me and started fidgeting in my mom’s arms. Their short chubby arms reached out towards us in excitement and toothless grin lit up their faces. My mom chuckled as she handed us the eager babies.

 

“I better get going; your dad’s waiting for me at home.” She said.

 

With Jungwoo in my arms, I escorted her to the door and gave her a goodbye kiss.

 

“Thanks, Mom.”

 

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Kyungsoo’s POV

 

I hugged Dongwoo tightly to my chest. How my heart had ached. How empty I had felt. How I’d ached to hold my two babies.

 

“I’ve missed you so much!” I pulled back to give him a grin.

 

Dongwoo hiccupped and gave me a smile back. It was as if he understood and had missed me too. “You are absolutely adorable.” I kissed his forehead and breathed in the distinctive baby-scent. It was the smell of life and love.

 

I glanced over to Jongin and saw that he too was showering love on Jungwoo.

 

I set Dongwoo on the floor and watched him crawl his way to Jongin’s feet. Begging to be picked up, he tugged on Jongin's pants, fawning up at him until Jongin picked him up. Juggling two babies in his arms, Jongin rested both babies on each side of his hips and bounced them around. Babies were soft. Anyone looking at them could see the tender, fragile skin and knew it for the rose-leaf softness that invites a finger's touch. As Jongin loved on them, I could almost see the softness going inward.

 

The twins’ round-cheeked flesh wobbly as custard.

 

The splay of their tiny hands as they tried to attack their father.

 

The giggles and laughter that filled the house. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had to admit that there was something undeniably fulfilling about watching Jongin with our sons. The pride and joy shone bright in his eyes. The way he handled them was loving and gentle and yet filled with so much passion and commitment. A vast difference from the way he used to be before the twins existed. Not that I was complaining. He was everything I wished for as a partner and the father of my children.

 

In the jumbled, fragmented memories that slipped through the dark curtains of my mind, I recalled those horrid years of my childhood. The coldness of my house. The constant smell of smoke and alcohol. The regular drunkard beatings and hits. The non-stop teasing and bullying in schools. The disgust in my teachers’ faces. The hatred in my parents’ eyes.

 

I quickly pushed all those bad memories to the corner. No use in focusing on the past.

 

As I leaned against the door frame, I smiled and let myself enjoy the scene that was unfolding in front of me. I folded my arms across my chest and watched Jongin and our sons. Then I came to the realisation that despite all that I had been through, I didn’t regret anything. If given the choice to choose otherwise, I would still gladly go through those torturous years of childhood again because those were the very years that shaped the man that I was today. They were the very years that led me to the current bliss and happiness.

 

I was one lucky man.

 

Lucky to be able to find that special someone for me.

 

Lucky to beat the odds and have children with him.

 

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Love. Laughter. Hugs. Kisses. Full bellies. Play. Smiles.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Warmth.

 

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Jongin’s POV

 

In the bedroom

 

The crying of the babies permeated the night.

 

I sat up from the bed and rubbed the sleep away from my eyes. I glanced at Kyungie who was sleeping beside me to see that he had roused too. We had done some persuasion to switch back the rooms. Besides, none of the members wanted to sleep with crying babies. I walked over to the crib beside our bed and lifted Dongwoo up. Kyungie took Jungwoo and began feeding him a bottle.

 

I laid my hand against Dongwoo’s skin and just rubbed his back gently with the back of my thumb. He wasn’t hungry. He was only crying because he was just woken up abruptly by the hungry cries of his brother. Pressing him up against my own skin, I walked around the room with him and blew in his ear. He whimpered; his tiny body slumped against my chest. I could feel his tiny heart beating in unison to mine. I walked over to the window, where the night air will surrounded him and moonlight fell on his face.

 

I glimpsed down at his face to see a cute little frown on his tiny forehead. Tear stains lined his chubby face as he fastened his watery eyes on my face.

 

“What are you so worried about, Dongwoo ah?” I joked.

 

His face was still cringed into a scowl that was so cute that I couldn’t help but laugh. He whimpered and his tiny body shuddered from the aftermath of crying hard. I placed my hand on his back which was completely enveloped by the size of my palm. At the warmth of my hand, his frown eased a little as his tiny fists tried to grip my bare chest. I knew all parents said the same thing but I couldn’t help but think that Kyungie and I made some good looking babies.

 

“You worrying about your life, kiddo?” I rubbed my fingers on his face, cleaning off the tear strains.

 

“Relax, Dongwoo ah. You have nothing to worry about. Can you imagine? Kyungie’s brains, my charm. Our collective good looks... It's really not even fair to everyone else.”

 

As if he understood, he gurgled and broke into a bright toothless grin. Waving his chubby arms around, he formed an ‘O’ with his mouth as if fascinated with my voice. His eyes brown as autumn shone under the moonlight, twinkling with giggles and joy.

 

My mouth curved into a smile.

 

“You can make me smile like the sun, Dongwoo ah. Even in the middle of the night. You are such an adorable kid. 

 

 

 

Oh you make me smile.”

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