Jongin’s POV

Two weeks

Life had been tough.

Ever since the twins entered our lives, nothing had been the same. EXO M had returned to China for further promotions. We had not gone back to the SM building yet and our album was put on hold. There just wasn’t enough time. We hardly left the house, leaving only to get baby things and necessities like food. Lee Soo Man Seonsaengnim and our CEO had dropped by our house with gifts to see the babies. B.A.P. had also dropped by to give their congrats and to see the twins. But that was it.

Our days were dedicated solely to caring for the twins.

It was time-consuming.

Tiring.

Exhausting.

But rewarding.

Within a short span of two weeks, we had experienced so many firsts.

First feeding.

Thrilling and awesome. Once they were cleaned and wrapped in warm clothes, I carried Jungwoo in my arms. His little head swallowed by the tiny baby hat that kept his head warm. His soft little lips pluckered and he whined in my arms for food. I gently placed the bottle on his lips and he immediately latched on, ling enthusiastically on the rubber. The feeling of baby in my arms was just indescribable; I had been waiting for this moment all my life. I just didn’t know it until now.

First burp.

So adorable. Once he had polished two ounces of milk, I flipped my baby guide book to the burping section. Following the diagrams illustrated in the book, I sat Jungwoo up right, supporting his tiny head with one hand and gently patting his back. The sound he made could hardly be called a burp, more like a gurgle. But adorable nevertheless.

First night.

Tiring yet exhilarating. For starters, I couldn’t sleep. Too excited and nervous to sleep. Kyungie was exhausted from the labour and delivery so he fell asleep really fast. But I couldn’t take my eyes off them. I simply couldn’t believe that they were finally here; I was afraid that if I closed my eyes, I would wake up to see that it was all a dream or something might happen to them while I was sleeping. So I stayed up all night, watching their little chests rise and fall with every breath they took as they slept in the crib beside our bed. Jungwoo woke up four times that night for feeding while Dongwoo woke up five times. Each time I would hush Kyungie back to sleep and fed the crying baby a bottle of milk. Looking at the precious sleeping babies, I rested my head on the crib and smiled. Despite being up since one in the morning before, I did not feel tired, nor did I feel sleepy. Instead, all I felt was contentment and gratefulness.

First bath.

A completely terrifying experience. They were so small and seemed so fragile. I was so afraid that I might lose my grip on the baby when it was wet and slippery. I was afraid that I would get soap in his eyes. I was afraid that the water was too cold or too hot. I was afraid that I didn’t clean him thoroughly. I was afraid that I didn’t keep the umbilical stump dry. Thankfully, none of them happened when I bathed Jungwoo. He just calmly looked around in his surroundings and allowed me to bathe him without much fuss. Dongwoo, on the other hand, hated the water. He cried and trashed his little arms as I sponge-bathed him. I was so worried that I was doing something wrong or causing him pain, but he stopped crying the second I lifted him out and wrapped him in a towel. Seemed like baths were going to be a breeze with Jungwoo and a chore with Dongwoo.

First fart.

Absolutely hilarious. The look on Dongwoo’s face when he heard Jungwoo farted was priceless. He just stared at his brother incredulously as if Jungwoo did something illegal. Watching the scene, I just burst out laughing.

First diaper change.

Well. To be very honest, totally disgusting. It stank to high heavens. Their diapers were always filled with brown semi-liquid… Ugh, I don’t even want to think about. Actually, I had always thought that I wouldn’t have the stomach for it. I thought that it would gross me out so much that I wouldn’t want to change a diaper ever again. But I keep changing diaper after diaper. While I still found it gross and utterly disgusting, I enjoyed every moment I had with the babies. Even when I was changing those disgusting diapers.

Funny how I could remember all these details so clearly when I at taking note of small details in the past. It was as if those milestones were permanently etched into my mind. But the twins were growing so fast that I was afraid that I might miss out on some major milestone. I just wanted to remember every single moment I spent with them.

Because every moment was so precious.

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Kyungsoo’s POV

I was sore all over. I felt like I had run 100 miles and did a million sit-ups. My stomach muscles felt so sore that I found it painful to even sit up in bed. My legs hurt whenever I tried to walk more than ten steps.

Jongin had confined me to bed rest. Then again, I wasn’t complaining.

Watching Jongin care for the twins made my heart swell with pride for how far he had come. He had matured so much. Changing diapers, feeding the babies, giving them baths, rocking them to sleep. Often, he would bring the twins to me and four of us will snuggle together as a couple.

I was so thankful to the members who took over the household chores and helped us run errands without us even asking. They were always eager to play with the babies, although at two weeks old, they hardly responded to the members’ attempts to entertain them. It was endearing to hear them calling the twins their “nephews” and introducing themselves as uncles.

Now, looking at Dongwoo sleeping in my arms, one would expect me to feel a sense of accomplishment and happiness.

But somehow I couldn’t bring myself to be completely happy.

It seemed to make no sense at all. At a time like this, I expected myself to be so happy, yet I was feeling  down, weepy, moody, or irritable. I was blessed with two beautiful children and the best partner anyone could ask for. And yet I would cry over things that usually didn’t bother me. Like why was the bathroom light left on or why did they not show an episode of Pororo that day.

Other than the little nitty gritty stuff, I kept worrying endlessly about the twins.

At nights, I felt pangs of panic–shortness of breath, a racing heart. I would lay on my side where Jongin couldn’t see my face so that he would think that I was asleep.

My womb was a warm and cozy environment that had protected them for the past nine months. Now that they were out of their safe haven, they were exposed to the dangers of the world. What if I couldn’t protect them? Were they adjusting well to the various sights, sounds, and sensations of life outside my body? Were they healthy?

One of my biggest concerns was Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, an unexplained cause of death in children under the age of 1 where the baby dies without warning in their sleep.  Up till this day, scientists were unable to determine the exact cause of such devastating incidents. How not to be afraid of this happening? What if I lose my baby? Or worse, my babies?

In front of everybody including Jongin, I put on a chin-up, happy face. I wanted everyone to believe that I had everything under control. That there were no regrets. That everything was fine. That I could handle this. In truth, I wanted to believe it, as much as I wanted everyone else to believe it.

What was wrong with me?

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A/N: You guys are really DAEBAK! 36 subbies even before I posted anything?! I have the best subbies!

First chapter of a new journey ^^

Hope you guise will like this fic as well ^^

/shout out if you followed me here from Baby Story/