I manoeuvred my way out from under the sheets – the most horrible of tastes coating my mouth – and put my head down on the pillow. I wrapped my arms around Yongguk’s waist and waited for his breathing to even out so we could carry on with the conversation we’d been having when I decided he deserved a . I knew he liked when I did it, but I refused most of the time because I found it completely revolting. I hadn’t been a very good boyfriend though so I had to do something for him. “What was that for?” His voice sounded content even with the confusion mixed in.

“You deserved it.” I mumbled into his shoulder; hiding my face so he couldn’t see the disgusted look on my face. tasted bad, I had a gag reflex so intense that if I wasn’t careful when brushing my teeth I would throw up, and he had stopped asking for head because I always told him that I found it degrading and that the idea of him ing into my mouth humiliated me. I, usually, rewarded him other ways, but it had been a while.

“But you hate it.” I shrugged my shoulders slightly and curled up even closer to his warmth. “Do you want to go brush your teeth?” I shook my head because I was more than aware that I hadn’t earned the right to clean my mouth. This was just as much a punishment for me as it as a present for Yongguk.  I was fairly certain I was the worst boyfriend alive he just didn’t know it yet. “What’s going on Himchan?”

I found myself starting to get upset. Why did something have to be wrong? I’d just done something I hated to make him happy and he was questioning it! I rolled away from him and pulled my body into a ball in hopes of staying warm. “I just wanted to blow you.”

“I can count on one hand the number of times you’ve given me head in seven years. The last time was when you flooded the apartment by leaving the bathwater running.”

“Fine. I won’t do it again. I thought I would do something nice for you, but if you won’t appreciate it then—” I cut myself off because I didn’t know why I was getting angry with him. He hadn’t done anything wrong. I heard him sigh and then he rolled over and grabbed onto me. I struggled slightly but gave in easier than I normally would have. He hadn’t done anything wrong. “I’m sorry…” I hid my face in the sheets and pouted. “I messed up.”

“Is this because of the car? Because that wasn’t your fault.”

I pushed him off of me and climbed out of the bed. I had lied to him and it had been eating me up inside ever since. It was even worse that he continuously took care of me and told me that it wasn’t my fault. He wouldn’t have been so forgiving if he knew that the breaks hadn’t actually failed and that I was to blame. I knew he would be angry with me. It was my fault that we couldn’t get the heater fixed, and it was my fault that there wasn’t food in the pantry. “The breaks didn’t fail, Guk.” I mumbled, staring at the ground. “I lied to you because I didn’t want you to be mad at me.” He made a small noise (that I convinced myself was out of disdain for me) and I heard him climbing out of the bed. “I fell asleep while I was driving. And since I’ve been too tired to have with you for over a month I figured I should go down on you because I thought it would make me feel better about myself.”

I teared up slightly and he sat back down on the bed. I knew that he would hate me. I just wasn’t sure what it was for this time around. “You could have died Himchan.”

“I know…” I shifted awkwardly on my feet for a couple of seconds – waiting for him to tell me that he hated me – and then fled. I couldn’t handle the thought of him being disgusted with me. I pulled my coat on tightly and tugged my boots on, not bothering to tie them, before running out of the apartment. I wasn’t sure where I was going, but anywhere was better than my apartment.

I found myself in front of Jaehyo’s apartment complex when I bothered to look up from the ground. Apparently I had been there enough times that my feet would automatically take me to see him. I didn’t want to be under his judgemental stare though so I immediately turned around and continued walking. I didn’t stop walking until I had found a park. It was probably too cold to stay out for long but I didn’t deserve to go elsewhere. I sat down on a swing and used my feet to push me forwards slightly.

I had a habit of thinking everything was my fault. Though I wasn’t sure if that was why I blamed myself for our economic situation or if I was correct about that. I knew Yongguk would be better off financially if I wasn’t going to university, but I couldn’t bring myself to drop out. That was why he couldn’t talk me out of skipping meals when money got tight and why I had lied to him about the car crash.

My feet stayed firmly planted on the ground as I swung slightly forward and backwards. I watched as my fingers started to turn red, ignoring the burning sensation on my face and ears. I wanted to think about ways to make this up to Yongguk, but all I could come up with was saving money. I knew there had to be a way for me to cut back on spending so we could get both the car and the heater fixed. I knew that was the only way I could forgive myself.

My phone kept ringing and I chose to not answer it for over an hour. I realised that Yongguk wasn’t going to give up and decided to allow the inevitable yelling to happen. “H-hello?”

“Where are you?”He sounded panicked, but I didn’t understand why. “I’ve been searching everywhere for you. Please come home?”

“Why aren’t you upset with me?” I stared out across the park as I spoke. He should have been yelling at me, not worrying about me.

“Because I’m not. Just come home and we can talk about this.”

“I’ll be home in a bit.” I mumbled into the receiver and hung up before he could say anything else. I didn’t want to worry him further, especially now that he knew what I had done. I lifted myself off of the swing and started the walk home. Most people would have been yelling at me for being so irresponsible and the fact Yongguk didn’t seem mad at me made me even more sure that I had the most perfect boyfriend in the entire world. 

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How does it keep being update day? I don't understand
I don't know what happened to yesterday. 
Right now I'm ordering things on ebay though. This is fun.
I hope you like the chapter.
Yeobo was right when she said comments make us happy. :D
Comments are nice and they encourage us to make words. 
Yeobo will post on Monday~