The first morning without Yongguk was probably the worst morning of my life. I woke up to the sound of my parents fighting (like usual) and the painful memories of the fight Yongguk and I had had rushing through my head immediately. I tried to push the image of Yongguk holding his hand back to hit me out of my head, and when I was finally successful my parent’s fight took over my thoughts.

“I told you that it was a horrible idea to let him move in with that rapper!” My father was practically screaming at my mother, much in the way I had yelled at Yongguk. I pulled my knees up to my chest and stared at the bedding on my mattress. This was why I had moved out immediately following high school.  I made them fight. People use to tell me that my parents had once been so happy and that they didn’t know what had happened. I knew the problem was me though.

“Himchan would have done it anyway! I had never seen him so happy as when Yongguk asked if they could get an apartment together!”

“Happiness isn’t everything!” I heard a glass break and then the fighting ceased. I regretted coming to my parents’ house already. I hadn’t meant to make them fight, but clearly I was the problem in their marriage.

I stayed in bed with my eyes closed for a few more hours before I felt the bed dipping down. I didn’t care who it was, I didn’t want to talk. I wanted to stew in my own misery and self-pity and think about how I would never fall in love again. “Hey Sweetie.” I hated when Jaehyo called me that, but that didn’t stop him. He didn’t do it when other people were around but in private he was like an obnoxious girlfriend. “I got your school books.”

“Cool.” I felt him pull my blankets away from me and slide underneath them. I tried to push him away but all I got was a face full of Jaehyo’s chest. “I know you want to help, but I really want to be alone.”

I hoped that he would oblige my wishes and much to my surprise he released me and got out of the bed. “If you need anything just call me, alright?” He sighed but fortunately it seemed like he understood that I was having the worst day of my life. “You should call him and try to talk about it when you’re more calm.”

I shook my head and pulled the blanket over my head. I wasn’t the one who had cheated with a high school student, or lied, or let my boyfriend starve. Yongguk was the one that had to call if we were going to fix this. I doubted that we could though. I had to push the thought that Yongguk had let me starve so I would have a more youthful body out of my head. “I can’t be calm about it Jaehyo. He cheated with a kid.”

He sighed again and I heard him a bag. I listened as he put things in drawers, humming softly to himself, and moved around the room. “He’s miserable too. Just so you know.” I felt him press (what I assumed was) a kiss to my head, “Sleep well Sweetie. I’ll come pick you up for school on Monday if you don’t want to see me before then.”

I nodded my head and he left me alone to drown in sadness.

The fight ran through my head on repeat for over an hour and each time it started over the tears poured harder. I didn’t know if I could live without Yongguk. I was utterly miserable. Everything hurt. I was fairly certain that I would actually die from how heartbroken I was – my psychology textbook said it was possible.

I tried to keep the sounds of my sadness down but when I felt my bed sink down I knew I had failed. “Himchan-ah?” My father’s voice surprised me, I had been expecting my mother. My father didn’t like emotional things and I’m sure he would have preferred if I liked women. “Can I pull the blankets down?”

I shook my head but he stole my cover from me. I squeezed my eyes shut so I wouldn’t have to see the disappointment in his face. He, however, surprised me again by picking me up off of the bed and holding me tightly. “Dad?” My voice sounded strained – either from my sobbing or the fact that he was crushing my body – and I tried to free myself from his grasp. This was weird. He had never once hugged me before.

“I, ah, I missed you son.” He released me and nodded his head in an attempt to regain his masculine pride. “Your mother was right, that rapper didn’t feed you.” He crossed his arms over his chest and completely failed at trying to comfort me. I felt even worse than I had before he had come to harass me.

I stared down at the sheets and nodded my head. “I thought the money we were saving was going towards our living expenses. It was just going to his affair though.” I regretted the words the second came out of my mouth because I knew my father would probably threaten Yongguk’s life. I just wanted everything to be over and my father overreacting wouldn’t solve anything. “It’s fine Dad. I just want to forget that the last seven years of my life ever happened.”

He reached out and patted the side of my head gently. “We’re glad to have you back. Even if it’s under unfortunate circumstances. We can talk about what you’ve been doing for the last four years whenever you’re ready.”

“Thanks Dad. I really just want to be alone right now, okay? I’ll come down in a little bit.”

“Your mother is making dinner, if you’re not ready to come down I’ll bring it up to you.” He patted my head again and then nearly gave me a heart attack by leaning in and kissing the top of my head. “I’m sorry that he hurt you.”

I shrugged my shoulders again and finally looked up at him. He looked just like I remembered. “It’s fine. I’ll get over it.”

________

This update is early
That's because I'm dealing with my roommate's crap still.
My apartment is making this difficult.
Never live with other people.
It's the worst decision I have ever made. 
I have nothing to say so leave us comments?