Well my plan on ignoring him was slowly fading away. I would text him back with longer responses and talk to him longer than a minute on the phone now. I miss him, you can't blame me. But I still plan on breaking it off soon. He told me they're gonna be debuting in a month and they've already started filming for their pre-debut documentary. The first episode would be airing today and Eunbi came over for a sleepover. We were sitting on the couch in my living room and she the TV where Beast's documentary will be airing. "Aren't you excited? I hope they focus more on Doojoon oppa." This girl, she's boy crazy. "Yah, I thought you like Daesung oppa?" She ignored me and her eyes were glued on the tv screen as they were showing each member do a little intro dance and their names and birthdates are plastered on the screen.

Eunbi was more excited than I was. Each member had their time to shine. Junhyung's screentime came last. The show introduced him as the 'charismatic rapper' of the group. He explained how he was an underground rapper and he would win and lose competitions at the same time. Junhyung also talked about how he auditioned for many entertainment companies, but got rejected many times. Although he would get call backs from some companies, he would be let go once they find a better rapper than he was. He also showed his stacks of notebooks where he had written numerous lyrics. I watched him with a big smile plastered on my face. This was it. Him on tv, it's only the beginning. He's finaly slowly creeping his way into stardom.

He was walking down the street to their practice room with Yoseob and some fangirls were following them. Junhyung gave them his siganture smirk and the girls squealed in joy. Yoseob flirted with them as usual. "Wow, they already have girls following them." I ignored Eunbi's remark.

"Junhyung oppa, do you have a girlfriend?" Wow this girl is very blunt. Isn't she suppose to be in school? She's even wearing her school uniform. "Me? Girlfriend?" he chuckled. "Of course not" My heart sank. What did I just hear? My chest suddenly felt heavy and my eyes are getting blurry. I blinked a few times to clear my vision and I saw Eunbi staring at me. "He doesn't mean it Hyun. He's suppose to say that" she assured me. But why do I feel hurt all of a sudden?

I was in my bed with Eunbi snoring loudly next to me. That scene was playing in my head. Why do I feel so hurt hearing those words coming out of his mouth? I know he doesn't mean it and he's suppose to say that since the public can't know about us. Argh I'm such a hypocrite. Here I am wanting to go smack him in the face for saying that yet I'm the one wanting to break up with him.

-----

Two weeks and three days. That's how long we haven't seen each other. I want to see him already. Although I still plan to break it off, I just can't keep my mind off of him. Those eyes that always sparkle whenever I look at him. Those perfectly shaped pink lips of his that I wanted to feel against mine. I miss his touch. I miss him.

Eunbi came over again to watch the second episode of Beast's documentary. But this time she's not sleeping over. Thank God, cos she snores so freaking loud. "Bi, I don't wanna watch it" I sighed getting up from the couch. "What do you mean? Don't you wanna see your man on tv?" she asked me, baffled. She's right, I don't want to see him. I feel like the more I see him, the more I'm gonna miss him when I tell him we can't be together anymore. But Eunbi forced me to stay. She literally held me down. I struggled getting out of her hold, but this girl was strong. I got tired after a while of fighting her. So I just sat there lazily slouched on the couch. The show went on and I was getting sleepy. Until I heard the mention of 'Ideal girl'

"Well that got your attention" Eunbi smirked as she saw me straightened up from my seat. "Shut up" I mumbled. The boys are sitting on the floor of their practice room. They are taking a break and I guess they're chatting while doing so. Their choreographer asked them a question that got me interested. One by one they said they said their ideal girl. I heard them say some actresses and idol girls. I was anticipating his answer. We never really talked about this topic, so I was curious as to what he would say. He looked straight in the camera, "Kara's Goo Hara"

What the ery is this. Really? REALLY?? You chose someone that looks nothing like your girlfriend. The complete opposite of your girlfriend. I was expecting him to mention someone that looks like me. "He's joking right?" I asked stunned. "Uhmm" Eunbi hesitantly answering me, "I'm sure he's just kidding." By the look on my face, she knows I'm pissed.

Why am I acting like this? My boyfriend picked a girl that was the total opposite of me. How can his ideal girl be so different from his girlfriend. Goo Hara is skinny as a stick, while I have curves. I'm not chubby or anything but I have meat in me. She has milky white skin, while I have a darker complexion like my mom. She has a tiny ant waist, while mine isn't. If I could describe myself, the closest person I can think of is Lee Hyori.

Am I bipolar or what? One minute I want to jump him and shower him with kisses and the next I want to punch him square in the face. This is what you do to me Yong Junhyung.

5/11/12