. I called him several times and texted him but he didn't pick up nor replied to my texts. I can sense something is not gonna go right when we meet later tonight. I called Kikwang and asked if he knew what Junhyung wanted to talk to me about but he just told me that's it's better if Junhyung tells me himself. He didn't sound so happy either. What the heck is going on?

I dropped off Junhong at his new dorm. He invited me inside but I refused as it was nearing the time of my meeting with Junhyung. I got to the park, 20 minutes. I'm early so I just stayed in the car for a bit. Why am I shaking? I leaned my head back on the headrest and closed my eyes. I think I know what's going to happen tonight.

I got out of the car and headed towards the bench under the tree. This is the exact same place Junhyung asked me to be his girlfriend. I ran my fingers across the little carving he made on the wooden bench, "J&H" was carved inside a heart with the date of our anniversary below the letters. I was smiling like a fool remembering that day. My phone suddenly vibrated and I opened the text messaged he sent me, "I'll be there in 10" it said. I started to get nervous again. I unconsciously fiddled and played with the ring he gave me on our 2nd anniversary. , I'm really nervous now. I always played with my ring whenever I was nervous.

Sitting there, I was preparing myself from what he was about to say. I knew perfectly well what it was gonna be. I mean what else could it be? It's not like he was gonna ask me to marry him, we're young and he's gonna debut next week. Plus, he had that serious tone when he spoke to me and Kiki was the same. Come on Hyunae, you were gonna do this to him a couple of weeks ago. I was still looking down on my ring and played with it when I saw a couple of feet infront of me. I looked up to see his face. Ismiled  to him and met his eyes, but he avoided my gaze. Junhyung sat down next to me.

He cleared his throat before speaking, "Hyun..." But I interrupted him, "Oppa I know what you're about to say" I turned to face him, a tear was daring to escape one eye. He stared into my eyes and I turned back around. I couldn't dare to face him. I would burst out crying if I did. "Junhyung, you don't have to say anything. Actually I prefer if you don't say anything at all" I was playing with my ring and he noticed, Junhyung grabbed my hand. The way his skin felt against mine sent a volt of electricity throughout my body.

"No Hyunae, listen to me" his grip got tighter.
"Oppa please" my vison was blurry and tears started rolling down my cheek. "I can't have you say those words to me. I won't let you" I yanked my hands from his.
Junhyung got up and knelt infront of me, taking my hands into his again. "Baby please look at me" he pleaded. I looked into his eyes and saw them getting watery as well. "I'm so sorry" he pleaded as he took his hands and caressed my cheeks, wiping the tears away. "I have no choice... It's for you."

"For me?" I asked. I acknowledge that it is for the better. I fully understood what he was trying to do, but parts of me won't let him go. "Oppa, honestly I wanted to break it off with you a couple of weeks ago" I confessed and his face turned pale. "But when you came over and held me, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I realized how I missed you so much, how I needed you and how I love you" I sniffled. "I pushed those thoughts away. I'm willing to get chase by your crazy fangirls, I'm willing to get threaten if only it means that I could be with you" I cried even harder. Wtf Hyunae? You're being selfish. I didn't know what had gotten into me. All these words just flew out of my mouth.

"Baby, please" he pleaded, resting his forehead against mine. "You're making this harder for me to do" There was silence between us. He held my face with both hands and I rested my hands on top of his. Our foreheads were resting against each other and our eyes were close, feeling our warm breaths together. It hit me that  I WAS making it harder for him. For me too. He doesn't want to do, but he has to.

"Oppa" I opened my mouth. Junhyung pulled slightly away from me and looked me in the eyes once again. "I understand" I tried to hold back tears again. "I'm really sorry Hyun" I nodded and forced a smile. He stared at my face for a while before pulling into a tight hug. "I'm gonna miss you so much Choi Hyunae" he mumbled into my shoulder. I tried to swallow all the tears that were daring to come out again. Junhyung pulled away and held my face before kissing me on the lips for the last time.

"I'm gonna miss you" he said after he pulled out. "I love you Hyunae" I smiled to him before kissing his cheek and walked away slowly. I couldn't say anything back to him. It felt like my throat was closing up and my voice was completely gone. Tears freely ran down my cheeks as I was heading back to my car. "I love you Yong Junhyung" I whispered before starting the engine and drove away.

5/15/12