Karina's POV

This will be the first time I will see Winter after what happened to us back in January. I was so apprehensive, hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko na makita siya in that condition. It will definitely be heartbreaking to see her unconscious and just lying on a hospital bed.

All of them warned me of what to expect. I was told that she looks weak, unresponsive and may mga tubes na nakakabit sa katawan nya. I know that it will be a challenge for me to see her in that state pero pipilitin ko. I seriously need to be with her and I cannot keep on delaying it anymore because I feel like we are losing time.

I am incredibly grateful for my best friend and family for being there with me until I was able to get back on my feet. They know that it is hard for me to take this step but still, they support me and they value how important this is to me. Gusto ko talagang bumawi kay Winter sa lahat ng mga nagawa ko sakanya. It is about time that I own up to my mistakes and amend them. 

Monday 3:00 pm

"We're here. Ate Taeyeon is there in the room according to Seulgi. Kaninang umaga pa daw."Ate Irene and Giselle have decided to accompany me, nag leave si ate sa work kasi gusto niya daw akong samahan.

"Okay then we can go up."

I planned to stay with Winter and starting today ako na yung magbabantay sakanya. I have already talked to tita and I told her everything. It was a very emotional conversation although ate Taeyeon advised me that I shouldn't tell her about what happened in New York. Nagpaalam ako ng maayos sakanya and pumayag din kagad siya.  

"Rina, are you sure you can do it?" Ate Irene asked. I noticed with the tone of her voice that she was starting to get worried. They were probably thinking that I might have another relapse when I see Winter. I know for sure that I can handle it and I didn't miss out on my medications and sessions to prepare for this day.

"I will be fine ate don't worry I can manage. Let's go see her."

When we were approaching the elavator lobby, I took my phone out to check if I got a message from ate Taeyeon. I saw that there were missed calls and I got a few messages. She was asking me to meet her outside Winter's room before kami pumasok.

"Are we in the correct wing ate Irene?"

"Yes we are, her room is located on the sixth floor." Gigi pressed 6th on the elevator button. I was silently trying to calm myself down because the thought of seeing her was making me so anxious.

Ate Irene held my hand when we were about to exit the elevator. Honestly I was too nervous but I chose to not entertain the thought. I always remind myself that I am doing this for Winter. Yung pinaka kinakatakutan ko dati, yung meron masamang mangyayari sakanya, I thought that it was unavoidable but it happened. We are now in this unfortunate situation and I have to face it.

"Sixth floor, alright we are here." Ate Irene was the one leading us, she has visited a lot of times kaya kabisado na niya kung saan yung way papunta sa room ni Winter.

After walking through a long hallway, we stopped near the nurses' station. I was looking around to find her room hanggang sa nakita ko na. I saw her name written on a nameplate beside the door. I was kind of fidgetting and my heart was beating so damn fast because until now I can't believe it, Winter is in there and I will be able to see and hold her again. 

"Hey there, Hi Karina andito na pala kayo." Ate Taeyeon greeted us.

"Hi ate." I waved at her when we saw her coming from the other end of the hallway. "Hello. Sorry I just came from the pay divisions office. May mga kailangan kasi akong tignan with the bills."

"It's okay ate we just arrived."

"Kumain na ba kayo?"

"Yeah, kanina before we left the house. Uhm is there someone inside the room, may kasama po ba si Winter?"

"Ngayon there's no one in there. Ako lang yung kasama niya kanina. Although this afternoon, I need to leave before five kasi I still have a meeting to attend to."

"Is it okay if ako nalang po yung sasama sakanya?"

"Oo naman pero hindi ka ba busy Karina?"

"It's fine ate, wala pa naman ako masyadong work and I brought my laptop with me, I can also work here."

"Okay sige, and about sa pag bantay pala. Okay lang ba sa family mo, do they know? Irene?"

"Yes ate, Karina is willing to do it, alam naman po ng mga doctors niya and pumayag din sila dad. They know that Rina will be here in the hospital with Winter."

"Okay, mabuti ng malinaw kasi baka nahhassle ka pala and it might affect your schedule, ayaw naman namin mangyari yun."

"It's fine with me ate, really. I want to do this for her, gusto ko po talaga siyang samahan hanggang sa magising na siya."

"Yeah I understand. So until what time do you plan to stay here pag babantayan mo si Winter?"

"Uh I would like to stay the night so I can watch over her and I would like to be here everyday. Uuwi nalang ako to get some clothes since malapit lang naman po yung condo namin dito, about ten minutes drive. There won't be a problem."

"May dala ka ng gamit? Sure ka ba okay lang sayo?"

"Yes ate, iaakyat po ng driver yung bag mamaya. Okay lang po nakapag decide na ako, I will sleep here."

"Oh right, speaking of staying over. I have already talked to Chaewon, she agreed that you can stay para masamahan mo si Winter, although she asked permission from me and she informed me na dadalaw pa din siya lagi. Baka mamaya or tomorrow mameet mo na siya. Okay lang ba sayo yun Rina kahit hindi pa kayo magka kilala?"

"Yeah it's fine with me, ang gusto ko lang naman po mabantayan ko si Winter dito."

"Alright, para lang din alam mo. Baka kasi bigla kayo magkasabay ni Chaewon tapos hindi pa kayo magkakilala medyo ang awkward nun."

"I can adjust and I will talk to her when I meet her."

"Okay mabait naman yun si Chaewon, parang sila Winter lang din. I think makakasundo mo siya Karina, I bet you're gonna like her."

"I'm sure I will, I'm actually looking forward to meet her."

"Yeah baka bukas makikita mo na siya. So do you wanna see my sister now?"

"Yes ate, please."

"But Karina before we go in, gusto ko lang malaman if kaya mo na ba talaga. Kung hindi pa wag mo pilitin, I mean, alam ko na hindi madali yung pinagdadaanan mo and it is very sensitive."

"I prepared myself for this and I really want to see her. Kaya ko na po ate, I swear I can stand it."

"Okay, I just had to make sure baka kasi magkaron ng hindi magandang effect sayo eh. So the three of us can now go inside, sino muna yung sasama sainyo?"

"I think I can wait in the lounge. Giselle and Rina haven't seen Winter, sila nalang yung mauunang pumasok ate, I will visit Winter later." Ate Irene volunteered to stay outside because only three visitors are allowed to go in."Aalis din naman ako kagad Irene, pwede mo na sila samahan mamaya. I need to go back to the office may meeting pa ako." 

"Okay ate no worries, I will just wait til you finish, I'll be there in the lounge."

"Alright, halika na pasok na tayo." Ate Taeyeon lead us to the hallway and we followed her.

Everything felt surreal, it's like the surroundings became silent and I was so nervous.

When we were approaching Winter's room all I could think of was I cannot believe that I am here and this is really happening. When I was about to peak my head through the door, I felt Giselle slowly grabbing my hand before we entered the room together.

When we got inside the room I heard ate Taeyeon speak. "Winter andito si Karina, she came back to see you."

I tried to stop myself from crying when I saw ate Taeyeon touching Winter's hair and she gave her a kiss on her forehead. Hindi ako sanay na makita siyang ganito.

I saw her, she's there lying on the bed looking so peaceful. Hindi ako makapaniwala na nasa iisang lugar ulit kami ngayon.

I couldn't put into words what I was feeling but I know that deep inside it is killing me. I couldn't take seeing her like this. She was just lying there ever so still. No words, no greetings and no reaction at all.

I didn't notice that I was staring at her for too long. I found myself feeling stuck and as if something was holding me back. I was just there standing and not being able to move.

I saw her deeply, she has a lot of tubes attached to her. I was staring at her face, her hair, her arms, her hands, her skin, everything. It's true, she seems too weak and she looks way different from the last time I saw her.

It was crushing me to see Winter in this state. It is so hard to accept that the person I love the most and the person that I was taking care of for almost five years has been lying on this hospital bed for months. It truly felt like I was witnessing the result of my bad decisions and I don't think I will be able to forgive myself.

"Karina? Hey." Giselle snapped her fingers in front of my face and that woke me up from being in a daze. "You're zoning out are you okay?"

"Yes." I answered her.

I was just staring at Winter's face while I walked towards the side of her hospital bed. I was feeling so regretful eventhough there were too many emotions that were simultaneously going through my head.

Nung mas nakikita ko na siya ng malapitan, I suddenly remembered how we were before. All the good memories we've had and the things she did for me. I questioned myself, bakit ko ba hinayaan na umabot sa ganito. I could've chosen to be brave and told her everything pero hindi, kasi naging duwag ako and I decided to escape.

"Karina, okay ka lang ba? Gusto mo umupo muna?"

"Okay lang ako ate. Thanks."

I was standing beside her bed and she was there, in a very deep slumber. Nakatayo na ako sa tabi niya but I could feel that my mind was going haywire. Pumapasok sa isip ko kung pano kami dati, the good things we shared, the best memories and our plans. Parang nagkakaron ng preview lahat sa utak ko while I was staring at her.

"Ate, can I hold her?"

"Yes, mom kisses and hugs her sometimes just be careful with the tubes."

I stood beside Winter and I held her hand. I noticed that her hair is shorter and she lost so much weight compared to the last time I saw her.

I miss her so much, gustong gusto ko na talaga siyang hawakan at yakapin.

I slowly brought my face closer to hers and I whispered. "Pup I'm here."

"Winter I know you can hear me."

*sobbing*

"Pup I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for abandoning and hurting you."

"I love you so much, I'm really sorry Winter."

"I'm sorry I left you."

"I love you Pup, I will stay here with you hindi ako aalis."

*sobbing* 

"I am going to be here for you until you wake up."

*sobbing* 

"Rina, do you want to take a seat first?"

"No, I want to talk to her Gi."

"Okay, we'll stay there on the couch. You have to calm down, just breathe."

"Yeah okay."

*sobbing* 

"I'm really sorry Winter I hope you can forgive me."

"I miss you so much Pup, sana gumising ka na."

"I am truly sorry for what I did."

"I'm sorry for breaking my promises."

"I'm really sorry that I didn't get to tell you what happened."

"Gumising ka na Pup please." 

"Hindi na kita iiwan Winter."

"I love you."

I was gently caressing her face and I kissed her on the cheek.

I stayed there for a few minutes. Nilapit ko yung muka ko sakanya and I was holding her face.

"Uhh ate taeyeon?"

"Yes Rina?"

"Winter's cheeks are becoming wet."

"What?"

"Look, she has tears in her eyes." I checked Winter's face and I was right. She has tears flowing from her eyes. "Wait, oh god oo nga."

"Is that normal, should we call the nurse?" Giselle asked. "Nabanggit yan nung doctor niya dati, kasama yan sa magiging signs, he said that unconscious patients can cry kasi aware sila sa paligid nila and they can hear us."

"Does it happen often?"

"With Winter? No. This is actually the first time and ngayon ko lang nakita to. You wait here guys I'll ask the nurse baka nag rrounds pa yung doctor niya."

Ate Taeyeon went out to go to the nurses' station. I immediately got some tissue from the bedside table at pinunasan ko yung muka ni Winter. "Rina I think she's crying." Even Giselle noticed the tears that were flowing from Winter's eyes.

"Oh my god Giselle, look."

"Rina do you think it is normal or there is something bad happening to her now?"

"I don't know."

"Is she breathing?"

I went closer to her again and I was checking her abdomen. "Yeah she is breathing and she has pulse. Gi don't make me worry."

"Calm down Rina, but look she's still crying I told you!"

"Gi what should we do?"

"I don't know. Let us wait for ate Taeyeon nalang baka dadating yung doctor niya. I kind of expected that she will be like this but grabe Rina."

"Yeah it hurts me na nakikita siyang ganito, hindi ako sanay."

"Winter, please wake up! I really miss the annoying version of you. Yung kung ano ano yung ginagawa tsaka mahilig mang inis. Gumising ka na Winter, Rina is here for you."

"Gi, I really miss her and I want to hug her."

"You can just put your arm around her waist but you have to be careful with her head. I think they took out the bandages at the back."

"The wound from the surgery?"

"Yeah Squish said it's there, at the back of her head. That's why you have to be careful when you touch her."

"Okay, I will."

"Winter looks soft and delicate, I really hope she wakes up."

"Oo nga and she became thinner." I was slowly combing Winter's hair with my fingers and I was wiping her face with the tissue.

"Look Rina! Her eyelids are moving as well, they are twitching. I think she is listening to us now."

I got the chair and positioned it beside the bed. I was watching her closely, totoo nga yung sinasabi ni Gi. I could see that her eyes were moving. 

"You think this is alright or baka may nangyayari na sakanya? Don't you think we should call a nurse?"

"I don't know Gi, her eyes are twitching but she is breathing fine naman."

"Winter. Pup are you okay, may masakit ba sayo?"

"Oh my gosh Rina I swear to god, I kinda feel like she wants to open her eyes but she just can't do it."

"Gi, wag ka naman maingay. Hindi kaya nagugulat siya sayo?"

"Winter!!!"

"Gi ano ba! She might get shocked."

"Rina I swear to God