October 

Karina's POV

It has been eight days from the time that we arrived from LA and I am currently staying here at our house in Alabang. Until now I haven't done anything yet, hindi ko pa din nakikita yung friends ko and I still haven't talked to Winter's family. I will not rush into things that are taking longer than I expect and I will not stress about it because I don't want to pressure myself. I know that I will be able to do what I have to and everything will unfold in its right timing.

I have let my parents and sisters know about what happened to us, I actually told them everything. Kung ano yung nangyari sakin, our break up and the ordeal that have transpired in the office when Winter came to see me in January. Even them, they cannot accept na ganun yung pinagdaanan niya,the pain that I have caused her, the detention and her visa revocation. They are willing to help para maayos yung record ni Winter at pati na din yung visa niya. Although I declined their offer kasi ang gusto ko, ako mismo yung gagawa ng paraan para sakanya. I was the one responsible for what happened to her, so gusto ko na ako din yung makakapag ayos.

Baby steps, that's how I will be able to deal with things. Ate Irene and my dad advised me yesterday that I should try talking to Winter's best friends first, I'll try to set a lunch date with ate Taeyeon and then from there malalaman ko kung pwede ko ba kausapin si tita, Winter's mom. Sobrang ka-close and kasundo ko yung family niya, nahihiya talaga ako sakanila, sobrang unfair sa part ni Winter, puro nalang hindi maganda yung nangyari sakanya dahil sakin, nadamay lahat, her health pati na din yung career niya. I will accept and understand na magagalit sakin sila ate Taeyeon. They considered me as family and they even treated me one, pero ganito yung nagawa ko kay Winter. I will try my best to apologize to them and I am willing to tell them everything.

Ate Irene informed me that tita is still devastated with what happened to Winter. Ate was there for her from the time the accident happened up until now that she is still in a coma. I am really thankful for ate Irene because ate Seulgi and her were  there to support tita. Ako dapat ang gumagawa nun but that is not the case because I am the reason kung bakit nangyari yun sa anak niya.

*knock*  *knock*  *knock*

I came out of the bathroom and I went to open the door for ate Irene. "Karina are you done?" She asked me.

"Yeah, five minutes."

"Giselle is here, we're just gonna wait for you downstairs."

"Okay ate, I'll be down in a minute, nakabihis na din ako." 

Since it's Saturday, I have decided that I want to visit our condo. I have to get some things din and titignan ko if I will be able to go back and move in. The last time I was there, it was during the month of May nung umuwi ako from New York, kami pa nun ni Winter and we were still doing okay. This is actually the first time na makikita ko ulit yung bahay namin, I don't know what to expect and feel, but I know na sobrang kinakabahan ako.

"Hey Gi." I greeted Giselle when I saw her sitting on the couch talking to mom and ate Tiffany. "Hi Rina, oh my god you look good!"

"So are you Gigi, by the way I miss you."

"Ang clingy mo ha, we haven't seen each other for how many days ba?"

"Eight days, nasanay na talaga ako na nakikita kita two to three times a week."

"Yeah me too, you know Rina, we can continue doing that."

"Hahaha no, I am not going to take you away from Ning, nakuha ko na yung almost half ng year mo."

"It's fine. So what now? How are you?"

"I am doing great and I feel better, the jetlag is finally over."

"That's good to know, uhm Rina can we talk later, may sasabihin lang ako sayo."

"Okay sure, we can do that when we get there in the condo."

"Uh wait before we leave, gusto ko lang malaman are you sure about this? Sabi kasi ni Squish may ibang stuff pa na naiwan dun si Winter, she was supposed to pick them up pero hindi natuloy. Baka pag nakita mo yung gamit niya, you might definitely feel things."

"I'm okay Gigi, kakayanin ko."

"Okay just tell us pag nagbago isip mo. Yung bedroom niyo hindi daw nagalaw, si ate Irene yung last na nakapasok dun."

"Yeah, I plan to check all the rooms later."

"Alright, we will be here for you Rina. Just tell us kung hindi mo kaya."

"I will. Thank you so much for always being there for me Gi."

"Of course Rina. Let's go na I think your driver is waiting outside and ate Irene is calling us."

We arrived at the condo before lunch. When we were in the hallway right outside our unit, mas lalo na akong kinakabahan. I kinda expected this, I know that I was gonna get slapped with waves of emotions together with the reality na wala na dito si Winter.

This is our house, akala ko madami pa kami mabubuong memories dito but too bad it was suddenly cut short. Sobrang sayang yung relationship namin at alam ko na kahit kailan hindi ko na siya makakasama.

"Karina, there are some stuff na naiwan siya and I think it's there in the walk in closet, if you don't wanna see it I can ask the driver to take it out before we enter."

"It's okay ate, ano po ba yung gamit na naiwan niya?"

"There are some clothes inside a bag and the boxes that are full of art materials and her books. Although nakuha na niya yung iba when we were here with Seulgi. Pero konti nalang yan naiwan, we can even get them now if you want, I'll just have them brought to their house."

"Perhaps you want me to check muna bago ka pumasok?"

"It's fine Gi, okay lang naman sakin. I wanna see the stuff also baka may kailangan pa ayusin or if there's something important na naiwan niya."

"Hey just a heads up, Winter's side of the closet is empty, wala na dun yung mga gamit niya. I'm just telling you para alam mo, I know that you can get triggered because of that."

"Okay lang ako ate, we can go inside now." 

When we passed through the foyer and walked straight to the living room, nakita ko kagad yung bike niya, the one I gave her nung first Christmas that we were together as a couple.

I scanned through the living room and the kitchen, nothing has changed, even the placing of the books on the coffee table it is completely the same. It looks the same but I can sense that the vibe is quite different. This was once a lively home where we enjoy a lot of things together, but to see it now as a place that is just dull and empty is just really heartbreaking.

I went to the kitchen and checked all the cabinets, nakita ko na nakapost pa din sa fridge yung mga notes na iniwan ko bago ako umalis nung March last year. Yung kitchen and living room sobrang maayos pa din, nakakatuwa kasi I could tell na sobrang iningatan niya yung bahay namin kahit wala ako.

When I opened the fridge may mga naiwan pang drinks and may konting food. For sure ito yung mga huling stock na nilagay niya when she was staying here alone. I asked her to eat healthy at sinunod niya pa din talaga yung mga sinabi ko sakanya.

"Ate Irene wait, I'm just gonna check the pantry."

"I think natanggal na din ni Winter yung laman ng pantry, you don't have to go in there."

"Sisilipin ko lang ate, baka may naiwan na stocks or baka nagka molds na yung room." I opened the door of the pantry and I went in. Nakita ko na wala ng laman and it was super neat. Naiwan lang yung mga containers na ginagamit dati as food storage.

When I was about to go out, I suddenly stopped in my tracks because something caught my attention, I saw some papers that are posted behind the door so I went closer to have a look at it. I took out the note and a list that were definitely made by Winter.

I was reading a note in large font that's printed on a white bond paper. 'NO RICE ON THE PANTRY FLOOR & NO ROTTEN EGGS! POLICY BY MY GIANT BABY' ito yung lagi namin pinagtatalunan dati, when she would get rice from the container lagi nalang may nahuhulog sa floor, she likes to play with it kaya lagi natatapon. With the eggs naman, mali yung nakukuha niya na date pag nag ggrocery kami that's why they always end up getting rottened.

"Gi, look at this." I asked Giselle to come in and I showed her the list that I was holding.

SNACKS THAT I SHOULD EAT ONLY WHEN I'M WITH MY G.B.

R.A.M (Rina Approved Meals)

ALLOWABLE BREAD INTAKE BY MY G.B.

"Oh god Karina, please wag mo na basahin yan. This is so ing sad. You can even feel her vibe from that list, nakakamiss siya." 

"Winter is different talaga, makulit siya but she listens to me. Everything I tell her iniintindi niya and she doesn't forget."

"Do you still want to continue Rina, can you?" I didn't notice that ate Irene was watching me and Gigi from outside the pantry. "Yeah I'm okay ate, nakakatuwa lang yung nakuha ko na note and a list that Winter made for herself."

"What's on there?"

"Basically yung mga bilin ko sakanya when I was in New York, I always remind her na wag puro fast food and I kept sending her easy recipes to follow or sometimes video message para susundan nalang niya. Na-compile niya pala lahat nung mga sinabi ko and she even made a list."

"Oh well that's Winter. Nakakatuwa talaga siya, but Rina you are aware naman with the things that might trigger you. Tell us when you feel uncomfortable."

"Yes ate, I will. Sasabihin ko naman kung hindi ko kaya."

"Okay I'll just stay in the living room, I need to attend to some calls. Gigi how about you, you gonna stay here?"

"I'll go with Rina, sasamahan ko po siya."

I went inside my home office, wala naman nagalaw and all of my stuff are there.

Next room I went to, the two other bedrooms. I checked all the furnitures, they are still neat and untouched dahil bihira lang naman talaga magamit to. 

"You sure you wanna go in there?" Gigi asked me when I was about to enter Winter's art room. "Yeah sisilipin ko lang."

"Alright I'll be right here."

I know what to expect, kung dati puro clutter and art materials yung floor and walls, now it's totally empty. Wala na din yung mga sketches na naka pin dati sa wall. May iilan nalang naiwan na pencils, brushes and paint pero yung mga drafting table niya pati yung mga drawers wala na.

"You done?" I looked to my left, I didn't notice na kasama ko na pala sa loob ng art room si Giselle. "Yeah, I need to check the bedroom then after that okay na."

"Do you plan to stay here?"

"Uhm I don't know yet baka hindi nalang kasi aalis din naman ako. Gi I need your help."

"Sure, how may I help you?"

"What if I just list it?"

"This condo? Huh are you serious? Sayang because this is like your first. Have it rented out nalang, do you want me to list it there? We can have someone do it. I mean it's not allowed here but we can still do that."

"I'll think about it, but I cannot stay here anymore. Hindi ko kaya."

"Alright just let me know, but you have to consult your dad first Rina."

"Yeah I need to discuss things with him. I'll just check the remaining rooms so we can leave."

When I went inside our bedroom nakita ko na sobrang ayos. I checked both of the bedside tables, may konting gamit lang but most of them are cables and chargers. 

"Karina!" I stood up from the bed and I immediately went to the bathroom."What is it Gi?"

"I found this on the floor, baka nahulog to." She handled me a necklace that she got from the bathroom. "Gi this is Winter's, we have the same matching necklace."

"Oh yeah I remember this. Is the one that the two of you always wear? I didn't know that it has numbers on it, what's with the details?"

"On the necklace?"

"Yeah I'm sure the W is for Winter but why is there an arrow and numbers at the back, what does it mean?"

"Oh this? Pina-design niya to before, it's for my birthday."

Flashback 

"Go ahead, check mo na baby."

"A small gold rectangular pendant? Theres an arrow and it has our initials on it."

"Yeah sayo yung K and mine's the W."

"What are the numbers at the back Winter?"

"The numbers? Yung naka engrave sa pendant mo those are the coordinates of our house address. Yung sakin naman it has yours."

"Winter."

"Rina?"

"Babe it's not part of the 12 Days of Rina na iiyak ka sa birthday mo, stop it nga."

"I hate you."

"No you don't. Stop crying na what's wrong ba?"

"Nothing's wrong Winter I am just emotional. This is amazing Pup, I love it so much."

"Stop crying na, hindi mo pa nga tapos icheck yung design ng pendant eh."

"What's the meaning of the engraved arrow?"

"Pag pinagdikit mo yung dalawang pendant, nagiging magkadugtong yan arrow."

"What's the meaning behind it?"

"Uhm it means that, when I am not with you, pag hindi na tayo mag kasama or nagkahiwalay tayo. The arrow is a reminder that we will always find our way back to each other."

.....

"Baby ang cute mo pero para kang tanga, you are such a cry baby."

"Stop it nga Winter, I can't help it."

"Happy Birthday my Giant Baby."

"Winter I feel so lucky. Pup I love you so much sobra. I will never ever forget this day."

-End Of Flashback-

"But she just left it here and she didn't even care to take it with her."

"Oh no I shouldn't have asked, I'm so sorry Rina."

"It's okay Gi, although I really miss her. Sobrang nammiss ko na si Winter."

"Kaya mo pa ba, halika ka na kaya? Don't do this to yourself."

"I am fine don't worry about me. Kailangan ko masanay."

"Okay, I understand. So ano, are you done here?"

"Last na Gi, I'll have to check the walk in closet."

"Alright sige sasamahan kita."

I had to see all the closets first and the safe. Everything is in order and I could tell that they are all untouched. The closet of Winter, of course wala na din yung mga laman.

When I was about to check the other drawers, I noticed at the farthest corner beside the shoe cabinet that there's a bag and the three boxes na magkakapatong.

"That's her stuff, yan yung sinasabi ni ate Irene. You want me to call your driver and ipakuha na natin?"

"Yeah later, I need to know what's inside."

I got the bag and umupo ako sa couch in front of the closet. I checked what's inside, these are the old clothes that we were going to donate. Ito yung ginagawa namin ni Winter yearly, we do spring cleaning and we donate all the clothes that we do not use anymore.

"Gi I think we can take this when we leave."

"The bag? What's there inside ba?"

"Old clothes for donation."

"Alright we can bring it."

"Sige, these boxes hindi ko pa nakikita yung laman, siguro ito yung mga books niya. I'm gonna send them to their house nalang."

I went to the corner para kunin yung isang box na nasa pinaka taas, when I opened it nakita ko yung mga books ni Winter na nakalagay lahat dati sa shelves dito sa condo.

There's also a small box inside with a 'Hands off' note on the cover. Nung nakita ko yung laman I got instantly caught off guard. I saw a lot of sticky notes and I started reading some of it. I didn't realize that these are the notes na binigay ko sakanya. A lot of them are old ones, these are the notes that I have left on the kitchen counter, bedside table and the fridge. She even has the notes I gave her when we started living together back in college. I couldn't believe na importante pala sakanya yung mga ganito at talagang inipon niya lahat. Akala ko before hindi niya pinapansin that's why we always argue, pero mali ako kasi iningatan niya pala lahat and it was a big deal for her.

"Rina just let it go, don't dwell on it too much. Itapon mo na kaya yan?"

"No, I can't. Tinabi niya lahat to, I just can't dispose it like that. Look, sobrang ang ayos and she took care of it."

"But it's not gonna help you, you have to let things like this go."

"Yeah I will, pero unti unti. I can't just throw it because it's gonna be harder."

"Alright, you do it at your own pace then."

I got up again to check the two boxes na naiwan sa corner. When I opened the one on top, nakita ko na puro magazines yung laman and I know this because it looks familiar. 

"Gigi bakit kaya andito tong mga to?"

"Which one?"

"These two boxes punong puno ng magazines."

"Magazines?"