She woke up at 4am (Bangkok time) feeling miserable. It was only 3 hours ago that she fell asleep. She had a hard time getting her heart and mind to calm down. February 27th. The day. She forced herself to get that out of her head but she really just couldn’t, so she got up and walked around her hotel room. Looking for something to do so she can focus her mind on something else. Nothing. 

She sat on the side of the bed and picked up her phone. 4AM, she saw. Too early. She walked out to the balcony and sat on the outdoor chair. Should she do it? Should she send him a message? 

When she accepted the endorsement deal, she didn’t think for a second that she would be away from Seoul, filming a CF on Jiyong’s last few days before the military. On the day of her flight, she felt like something was off but couldn’t quite pin point what it is. The night before she was all kinds of excited with the idea of her being in a tropical country, away from the nasty winter. Only when she landed in Bangkok and sent a quick message “Arrived safely, will buy you too-tacky for words but genuinely comfortable elephant pants!” to him did she realize what she has forgotten. Jiyong is enlisting AND She won’t be home for it. 

“I can not wait. Have fun out there and take care.”

She didn’t reply. Embarrassed that she was too busy to forget something as awfully big as his enlistment. Does he know she won’t be there? Is he okay with it? Is he sad? 

The night of her second day in Bangkok she finally sends him a message to break it to him. 

“I won’t be back until evening of the 27th”

“I know. I know your sched, santokki”

“Oh? Right.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s better off that way anyway. We don’t need to flood the entire city of Seoul with our goodbye tears. ;)”

“Who says I’ll cry?”

“Not your tears, silly. Mine. Mine will be good enough to rival the han river”

“Yeah right" 

Maybe this will be better then, she thought. Pushing her sad feelings away. It's not like he won't come back after two years. No one is dying. They are allowed visitors anyway.

But at 4am on the 27th, in her hotel room in Bangkok, she felt so far away from him. She felt so helpless, restless, miserable. 

She picked up her phone, walked out at the balcony, leaned her body on thr frame and typed a message before she can think too much about it. 

Be strong. We will be waiting for you to come back. Forever your fan ~ Dara 

Hands shaking, she hit SEND. She didn't want it to get overly dramatic. So she sent a casual message instead. At 4am, in her hotel room in Bangkok, she still felt the need to downplay her feelings. 

She closed her eyes and prayed that he receives the message well and it will bring peace to his heart, and hers. 

Not even a minute later, she gets a reply.

I miss you. I will miss you. 

He was awake. 6 in the morning, Seoul local time. Her heart hurt. She started feeling like she couldn’t breathe. She looked up the sky. It was still dark. The city is still sleeping, yet here she was. Wide awake, pain in her chest. 

Me too. 

A few seconds after she sent her reply her phone started ringing. 

KWON JI-YONG CALLING

“Yeoboseyo?” she said quietly. She felt the beginning of her tears. 

“Dara-ya…” his voice was quiet too. 

“Hmmm”

“Can’t sleep?”

“No. You?”

“No. I slept for a bit, but.. I... haha, this is lame... I  have been waiting for you to contact me.”

“Jiyong….”

“Daronggg, I wish you were here to distract me with your annoying voice….” voice filled with teasing, probably to make the call less sad.

she made a noise, hoping it would be enough acknowledgement for him to know that she heard him. There’s just no way for her to speak because she didn’t want him to hear her crying. 

“I miss you. I wanted to see you before I left, but I understand you have to be away for work. I saw your IG updates, you look pretty as always.” 

“I wish I was there too…” she confessed. 

“Dara..”

They didn’t speak for a few minutes. Just listening to each other’s breathing. Trying to calm themselves..

“Jiyong-ah. Mianheyo. I should’ve sent you off. I should’ve been there. I want to be there..” it’s as if saying it out loud made her realize just how much she wanted to see him.

“Oh my god, I want to be there!” she continued, tears she tried hard to hold back, started to flow. Regretting her decision to be away. “I want to be there!” she cried. “Oh my god. I won’t be able to see you. Oh god.”

“It’s okay baby, relax. It’s okay. We’ll say good bye here on the phone. I won’t be away for a long time..” 

“No. no. I need to be there.” 

He kept saying words to relax her. She kept hearing his comforting words but it did nothing and all she could do was cry more. 

“Don’t leave..” she pleaded. Like it would actually be something that he has a choice in doing. “Please wait for me, don’t leave yet. I’ll come back.” she was sounding more and more hysterical every second. “I’ll look for flights. Please Jiyong, please wait.” 

“Baby…” he couldn’t speak more, for he too, was crying. Overwhelmed from hearing her cry miserably. Feeling helpless about the situation. “It’ll be okay baby.” 

“Stay put. I’ll be there. I’ll be back. I’ll call you back. I’ll get a flight back.”

She didn’t wait for him to say anything. She put the phone down and started searching for flights. Same day flights are normal. This isn’t the first time she would be getting a flight out on the last minute. She searched every airline. Every morning timeline. But for her to reach him in time, she must be on the plane in less than 5 hours. And it’s proving to be impossible. No available flights. The earliest one is her actual flight heading back to Seoul. 

She sat on the floor in the middle of her hotel room crying while she typed another message to him. 

D: No flights. 

J: It’s okay baby. 

D: I’m sorry. 

J: I love you. It’s okay. 

She didn’t respond. Feeling too weak to do anything, she clutched her phone in her chest and cried her heart out. 

A few minutes later, Jiyong calls her again. Sounding less sad. 

“Yeoboseyo?”

“Dara-ya. Listen to me, okay? It’s going to be okay. Please stop crying. After the 5 week training, I get to have visitors and you can come see me. It won’t be so bad.”

She didn’t respond but he can hear her crying harder. 

“Don’t cry, my love. You’re breaking my heart and I want to be strong because the next two years will be hard. Send me off with happy thoughts, baby.”

“Jiyong-ah….”

“I love you, Dara.” 

“I love you, Jiyong.” 

“Good. I thought you stopped.” she can hear the smile in his voice and she reluctantly smiled herself. 

“I never did.”

“Will you wait for me? Two years seem long but it will go by quickly if you busy yourself with work and doing things you enjoy."

“I will.”

“Good. Now try to get some sleep. I forgot the time difference, it’s not even 5 am there…”

“I won’t be able to sleep. I’ll think about you.”

“That’s fine. As long as it’s all happy thoughts. Don’t be sad, baby.”

“I’ll try.”

“You promise to visit me?”

“If I could do it everyday, I would.”

“Good. Now rest. I love you, Sandara Park. Thank you for today.”

“I didn’t even do anything. I’m not even able to be there.” She said so bitterly. 

“Yes you did. You reached out. I feel at peace entering the service, hearing your voice. The past month, I was so regretful and sorry for all my wrong decisions. I honestly didn