She was genuinely relieved that she was in Busan when she read Dispatch news on New Year's. If it wasn't for her mother's company and her sound words of advice, she didn't think she would be able to handle things maturely. Had she been alone, she would have acted immature and possibly ignored Jiyong until forever. But hearing her mother talk to her about the realities of life, the struggles in love, and drive for work. The stories her mother told her about her mistakes and regrets in life made her re-think everything. This made her think of how she pictures her life a few years down the road. Her time at her mother's allowed her to fully recognize the pros and cons of being in a relationship with Jiyong. 

 

However much she thinks of it, he has not failed in proving just how sorry he is for the recent situation they are in. She believes him when he says that he has no feelings for the other girl. How could she? When he's dedicated most of his time trying to win her back. She can feel it, even when she asked for space. Because the Jiyong she knows can't be stopped. He's persistent, borderline annoying, even. And this is the first time he restrained his emotions on put her first. She didn't think he would even allow for her to ask for space. But he did. Surely, it shows sign of maturity and how serious he is in this relationship. 

 

She, however, felt the need to run away instead of fix things head on. She would be lying if she said that she didn't regret asking for space. Sometimes, she would be in bed wishing he was next to her. He could have been, if she only insisted that they fix things. If she didn't allow fear of getting her heart broken rule her decision making, then being in bed with him would have actually been a possibility. 

 

Truth be told, she actually took the time to write down the pros and cons of being with him and she always only ends up with more pros than cons.

 

PROS CONS He takes care of you He is immature He puts you first He is high maintenace He pushes you to achieve your goals and dreams He has too many fangirls He is generous to you and to his loved ones His fangirls bash you any chance they get He is passionate with work and life and love  He gets in scandals with women all the time He writes songs for you He's a workaholic and you're afraid he'll have little time for you His family loves you, and you love them  He gets jealous easily  He plans a future with you   He loves you   He loves you so much   He loves you too much  

 

When she's done with her pros and cons table, she sat quietly at the balcony of her mother's house and looked out the Busan skyline. She imagined what her life would be like without him and she wasn't happy that her imagination immediately went to old Dara with her cats. Her go-to future without Jiyong is her being a lonely cat lady. Why can't her imagination picture her ending up with another guy? Isn't that even possible?? Why does her heart tell her to hold on, to not let go, to give him another chance? Why does her heart scream KWON JIYONG? 

 

After her short trip to Busan, she got back to a month filled with so much work, with TV guestings and event hostings. Even weekends are used to conceptualize and shoot episodes for her DARA TV channel. She didn't notice, but January flew by so quickly and it was already the last week of the month and she was set to fly to Thailand to perform at the opening of Adidas store. She recently renewed her contract as a product ambassador of the sports clothing line and performing in Thailand was part of the agreed upon deal. This will be the third time she will perform on stage since 2NE1 disbandment and like usual, she was excited. She almost forgot about her Jiyong dilemma. 

 

Almost. 

 

But not quite. Because she saw him again a few days before she was to leave for Bangkok. She was rehearsing with the two back up dancers she was going to perform with in one of the studios at YG when Jiyong casually walked inside and talked to one of the dancers. The big studio is shared by other dancers and it might be the reason why he didn't notice her there. But she did. Oh she did. Because as soon as he walked in and she saw him from the mirror, she complete forgot her steps and messed up, causing her two dancers to giggle. Knowing the reason why she suddenly got so flustered.

 

One of the dancers turned the music off and nodded towards Jiyong's direction. Was she trying to get her to talk to him? She hopes not. She wouldn't know what to say anyway. However, she didn't need to do anything because he was gone as quickly as he arrived. His presence in the same building left her feeling agitated. She messed up her steps too many