Title: Don't Tell Me

Author: Eyagibba

Title [10/10]

Fits perfectly with the story! It wouldn't really draw my attention, but the way it conveys with the story and how you repeat it from time to time makes it look really good!

Foreword [5/10]

On the Description, you don't have to put things like the title and the theme. The title  is already below the AFF menu, so it's useless. The theme is not needed. For the description, just write the synopsis. The synopsis you wrote is a bit confusing, the commas are out of place. Mind if I write it over? Check it:

This story is told from a male’s perspective, in which Cho Kyuhyun recounts the times he remembered that the life of a girl who he once loved, his bestfriend, was spiralling out of control. Even though he witnessed almost all of  her difficult moments, he was only able to just stay there and watch her fall to her demise.

Don’t tell him anything. He doesn’t want to hear what you have to say because he knows what you will say. Just don’t tell him anything.

“Don’t tell me.”

What do you think? I changed the order of a few things, but it still gives the same message.

As for the Foreword, I think a Desclaimer is absolutely unnecessary. You come to a Fanfic site already knowing that what you write comes from your imagination and doesn't necessarily mean it's true. It's something you don't have to write in here.

Also, the Foreword contains a prologue, quote, or an excerpt that is relevant to your story. It shouldn't have an author's note. I just learned about it too!

Creativity/Originality [10/10]

It's the first time I'm reading something like this story, so I obviously consider it original.

Plot/Writing [20/20]

You totally conveyed Kyuhyun's sadness in this. This is almost like a letter, a diary, thoughts, so I don't have much to say. But I did think of a way to make it more 'appealing', if you don't mind the expression. It's just my opinion of how I would write this, doesn't necessarily mean you should make it like that. Let's put more space in this.

When Kyuhyun says something that you want it to be outsanding, give a paragraph. Like with the beginning, start it like this:

"Just stop! 

Just stop it, please. Cease with the self-annihilation,(...)"

And as he says "don't tell me" I think it would be great if you gave paragraphs. Not everywhere, of course. Also, try giving that paragraph space and justify the text. I think like this it would give more harmony, aesthetically speaking. Try it! Do it how you want and how you think it looks better!

Characters [20/20]

You described the female character so well! Although we know little about Kyuhyun - wait, not that little - I think you made a good work with them!

Grammar/Spelling [15/20]

I found some errors and I will help you correct them. Note that they may happen more than once during your story. Another thing you should be careful with is how you place the commas. Most of them are out of the place or don't even exist. If you're not sure where to put a comma, just read the sentence out loud. You'll have to make a pause somewhere while reading it - most of the times -, and when you pause, place a comma. It helps!

1st Paragraph

"not sit to hear you to rant on and on"

Instead of repeating twice the word 'to', why not change 'to rant' for 'ranting'? This way would be, 'not sit to hear you ranting on and on'.

3rd Paragraph

"beings" It's just a typo here, I think you meant 'begins', right?

"you’re feet" should be 'your' feet, unless you want the character to transform into feet :P

"it’s rocket" misses the article here, 'it's a rocket'

4th Paragraph

"You favourite colour is"  You forgot the 'r'!

"bound o slip" I think you meant 'bound to slip', right?

5th Paragraph

"What’s happen" I'm not sure about this one, I don't know if you want to make it as a continuous action or an action in the past... 'What's happening' or 'What happened' are the correct expressions!

"the way you look speak for itself" the verb here would be 'speaks'.

"because you constantly coughing" Another one which I'm not sure of, the way it is right now, it's not correct, so it would be either 'because of your constantly cough' or 'because you're constantly coughing'. :)

"Pleases don’t tell me." Take out that 's' at the end of 'please'.

My opinion [10/10]

I hardly cry when reading a book or watching movies, it's something I don't remember doing. It's hard for me to cry. I didn't cry while reading this, but I did feel those goosebumps, that kind of pressure on my heart. It's strange, it's so rare for me to feel this way! I loved this story, really! You used some words that I had to search on the dictionary because I had never heard of them. At first I thought they would be mistakes, but they weren't. Those words you used were just... perfect. I don't even have the word to describe them! 

Also, yesterday when I received the mail with your story, for some reason I showed it to my friend - which is not into k-pop at all, btw -, and you had to see his reaction! He was like 'Nooo he was so stupid, he shouldn't have left her' and he was totally sad, ahah. You made a great work with this!

Cover  [/2]

You don't have a cover.

TOTAL: 90/100

Thanks for requesting! Don't forget to comment! :)