Title: I Love You, Mister Stranger

Author: zeyniiDara

Title: 2.5/5

                The title didn’t really catch my eye but there was a part of me that wanted to know who this stranger was. Now using the word I love you and stranger together makes it seem as though this story’s flow will be fast.

Poster/Background/Trailer:5.5/10

                The poster doesn’t match the title. Since there is a stranger, shouldn’t there be shadows or something that looks mysterious since a stranger is someone who you don’t know at all? And as for the font, it looks way too elegant and romantic for this story. I wouldn’t recommend using a lot of pink because it looks too romantic. Now the background looks similar to the poster so I’ve just basically talked about both the poster and background.

Description/Foreword:6.5/15

                The description wasn’t that interesting because it seems as though you can easily find stories like these in AFF, but I think that readers would go to the first chapter because they can connect with what you have written. Another thing that I have a problem with is that you put your author’s note in the description, so I couldn’t tell whether or not that was from Dara’s perspective or not, so put it in the foreword.

Plot:20/25

 The plot was quite original, so I applaud you for that. But some events though, I felt that they were cliché or sometimes even unbelievable. Even before Dara thought that Jiyong was Daddy-Long-Legs, I already knew that it was him, so next time, try to make things more suspenseful when creating a mystery story. Other than that, your story was pretty good.

Grammar:10/15

Wow! I’m quite impressed with your writing! But here are some mistakes that I have found.

Example:“What do you care?” she asked coldly.

Correction: “Why do you care?” she asked coldly.

Sometimes, you don’t have some punctuation like a comma when you need one.

Example: As soon as she arrived at a room, I stood frozen on my place.

Correction: As soon as she arrived at a room, I stood frozen in place.

And sometimes you don’t know which words to use like on, in, with, etc.

Example:  It already has a slight crack.

Correction:  It already had a slight crack.

Example: While I was driving, I take quick glances on the sidewalk to look for her.

Correction: While I was driving, I took quick glances at the sidewalk, trying to look for her. 

Example: Maybe he rode the bus again.

Correction: Maybe she rode the bus again.

Stop using the same word to start a sentence over and over again.

Example: If she’s going to be wet with the rain like this, I will too.

Correction: If she was going to be wet by the rain like this, I would too.

You are putting both a past tense and present together. Also, some of the paragraphs are not done properly. Start a new paragraph when you are talking about someone else or when time has passed, etc. And please stop saying things like his and her POV! Just say their name and put a colon after!

Example: Though, I was rather surprised not to see someone in particular who always meet me first thing in the morning and make me smile with his rather corny jokes.

Correction: Though I was rather surprised not to see someone in particular who always met me first thing in the morning and made me smile with his rather corny jokes.

Use italics to indicate that someone is thinking.

Example: What I saw made my brow rose.

Correction: What I saw made my brow rise.

Example: I wrote my note and stick it up on my locker.

Correction: I wrote my note and stuck it up on my locker.

Example: I stared at it then read.

Correction: I stared at it and then read it

Example: After I ate lunch with Jiyong, I told him that I’m busy with personal stuffs so he would leave me. 

Correction: After I ate lunch with Jiyong, I told him that I was busy with personal things so that he would leave me. 

As a writer, you shouldn’t write the words gotta or gonna or the word stuff since it seems unprofessional.

Example: As expected, there’s a new note.

Correction: As expected, there was a new note.

Example: This guy’s a headache, really.

Correction: This guy is giving me a headache.

Example: While reading the note, I bumped onto someone.

Correction: While reading the note, I bumped into someone.

Example: I cut her off by sighing heavily again.

Correction: I cut him off by sighing heavily again.

Example:  I told her I would just search it up later but she shoot me a glare and mumbled to herself darkly.

Correction:  I told her that I would just search it up later, but she shot me a glare and mumbled to herself darkly.

Remember to double-check your work because I see some mistakes, Use something to indicate that time or place has changed whether it be dashes or stars or whatever. And sometimes, you put in some punctuations that are unnecessary. And you end sentences too early. Also, don’t capitalize things that don’t need to be capitalized. The exclamation mark is there.

Example: I asked her, closing the book on my hand, but putting on a bookmark so I want lose the page I was reading.

Correction: I asked her while closing the book in my hand, but putting on a bookmark so I wouldn’t lose the page I was reading.

Flow:4/5

               The story felt as though it was going a little fast in the beginning, but now I feel as though the flow is good now.

Readers' Comments: 5/5

                Your readers love your story! I have nothing else to say.

Characters: 10/15

                The characters were okay. But you mentioned some of their personalities a little too much. For example, that Youngbae is a bad guy and things like that. I already get that, so you might want to try to show me the different sides to their personality.

Overall Enjoyment:3/5

                I don’t know how to put it in words, but the story felt a little disorganized for me, so I did have a hard time reading it sometimes..

Bonus:1/5

 I gave you a bonus mark because at times, I felt as though I wasn’t forced to read your story.

Total: 67.5 /100

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