The Supposedly Luck Number 7 - KaiKiaKaori (Reviewer: TiaraL)
** Starlight Review Shop ** [CLOSED]
Title: The Supposedly Luck Number 7
Author: KaiKiaKaori
Title: [4/5]
Well I must say that your title is quite original! Props to you for coming up with something so unique! Although I was not exactly immediately drawn to the story, I liked how you added an element of dry humor and yet made it a very sweet and comedic title as well. There was really nothing much I found wrong with this section.
Description: [3/5]
Your description is overall very catchy and compelling! I like how you managed to find a short description that does not reveal too much, yet also rouses curiosity in the reader. Although, minor corrections here and there:
Stacy Lee is just a regular girl....maybe.
Stacy Lee is just a regular girl....Or is she?
Notice how the second one seems to flow better?
Number 7 is said to be lucky to some people so this can’t be bad right? Stacy thought.
It would be better if you took out the “Stacy thought” section. It disrupts the flow of the sentence and the use of italics already adds an unspoken suggestion that the sentence is a thought, not an actual verbalization.
Number 7 is said to be lucky for some people, so this can’t be bad.....Right?
I added punctuation marks as well and as you can tell, I added ellipses to prolong the sentence a bit. It is quite a useful technique in creating dramatic suspense but don’t use it too often, it can get annoying.
PLOT
Originality: [7/10]
I must say that I have not come across a fic with the same storyline as yours before, so very well done on this section! I like how it is whimsical and cute at the same time, very appropriate for a fluff romance.
Character: [4/10]
Here I have to give you a low grade. Mainly because I was not exposed to any of the characters for a long enough time so that I could be more aware of their personalities or even empathize with them a bit. I didn’t like how you immediately jumped into the story without introducing anyone except for Stacy. All I knew was that Stacy was the main character and she was going to meet Infinite somewhere in the story.
I do not suggest introducing more than 2 characters in a chapter. If not it becomes confusing and cluttered, and it will be more difficult to absorb the information. Furthermore, I found it very erratic that there was a sudden change between so many characters. First Stacy would meet L, then in the next chapter she suddenly meets Sunggyu and then Woohyun her old boyfriend suddenly appears out of nowhere?
Very very jumpy. I suggest making a character profile or at least spending some time elaborating on the characters more.
Flow: [5/10]
Here is where it started to go downhill for me. To be honest, I was quite looking forward to reading your fanfic after I read the description, mainly because I thought that the fanfic would be very smooth and easy to read. I’m sorry to say but your fanfic disappointed me a lot in this section, and this is largely because of the same reason why I took out marks for your characters.
It was way too jumpy.
Time zones would pass in one chapter and random characters whom I had no idea who they were were introduced at lightspeed. For example, in Chapter 2 you mentioned Kiseop and IU without explaining who they were.
Are they her best friends? Her siblings?
I guessed it was the latter but don’t take it for granted that your readers always know your thought processes. Furthermore, Stacy already accepted a dare from her rivals in the second chapter, and I thought that it was way too fast. You should have spent more time creating dramatic tension instead of jumping immediately into the plot. I suggest you review your fanfic because as a reader, I found it hard to keep up.
Ending: NA
Your fanfic is still ongoing so no points deducted here.
WRITING STYLE:
Grammar: [7/10]
Not much problem here. I rarely found grammar mistakes and you seem to know your tenses and verbs, so I was quite satisfied. Only minor punctuation mistakes here and there.
Be sure that when you end a spoken sentence, do so with a full-stop. Not a comma. I notice you tend to do that a lot.
I won’t dwell on your mistakes but if you would like a more lengthy analysis, feel free to PM me!
Vocabulary: [5/10]
Now I will be elaborating on this section a bit more.
I definitely felt that you could have used a wider range of words to describe the situation. I saw a repetitive use of “she said” or “he said”.
Don’t simply use “said” all the time. It can become very bland in your writing, so try including EMOTION as well.
For example:
“Excuse me but that’s my spot.” Stacy said to him.
“Excuse me but that’s my spot.” Stacy pointed out politely.
“It doesn’t have your name on it so it’s not yours.” He replied
“It doesn’t have your name on it so it’s not yours.” He shrugged nonchalantly
See what a difference the use of varying adjectives and emotions make? Use synonyms of words, don’t just repeat the vocabulary you have over and over.
Organization: [6/10]
Not much to say except for the fact that you need to put character thoughts or sounds in ITALICS. This helps the reader differentiate from dialogue and descriptions. Also, do try to paragraph after a spoken sentence. Many authors often make this mistake.
Overall Enjoyment: [11/20]
I started off looking forward to reading this but as the story progressed I could feel my interest waning slightly. To be honest, I don’t really like fickle female heroines. Meaning, if I read a fanfic about a girl protagonist who has multiple love interests or boyfriends, I just lose interest. This is just my personal preference however.
Just improve on the areas I mentioned and I’m sure you can craft a better fanfic in no time!
Hwaiting!
TOTAL: 62/100
Thanks for requesting. Please comment above after picking it up and don't forget to credit :)
Comments