Someone Like You - Infnt7Inspirit (Reviewer: TiaraL)
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Title: Someone Like You
Author: Infnt7Inspirit
SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG!! T^T
Here it is:
Title: [4/5]
I thought the title was very whimsical and catchy, and that it fit well with the story since Dongwoo was supposedly the poerson that changed Hana's life. Included just the right amount of mystery and although I didn't exactly felt like I needed to read it desperately, I could appreciate the short and sweet title. Basically, very good job!~
Description: [3/5]
Once again, I was quite impressed by your very well-crafted description. Most authors tend to either describe it too much, or describe it too vaguely. You struck the right balance between the two and I found myself quite curious about what your fic was about. I could hardly find any grammar mistakes and I like how you emphasized the "just fine" part at the beginning of the description.
One thing I would like to suggest is paragraphing for dramatic effect. I don't normally recommend you do this often since it may get somewhat annoying if used constantly, but I'll give you an example just to show you how it works:
Everyone was jealous of Kim Hana. Her life was perfectly fine.
Just fine.
See how it acts to create a more dramatic impact? Also, minor punctuation and grammar mistake at the last bit:
Can he do it, even when he, himself have a dark secret behind his smile?
Can he do it even when he himself, has a dark secret behind his smile?
Overall a very compelling description. Very good job! I could hardly tell you were not fluent in English! :)
PLOT
Originality: [7/10]
I have read a wide variety of angst and romance fictions, so I wouldn't be completely honest if I were to tell you that yours was very unique. The story line was something I was quite familiar with, but I liked how you managed to add a few twists here and there that spiced up the story a bit. It was not exactly a storyline that delivered unexpected events that had me clinging to the edge of my seat, but it wasn't exactly cliche either. Still, I quite liked it!
Character: [7/10]
I found it generally very easy to relate to the characters. I must give you particular praise in this department because I was not familiar with Dongwoo or any other characters you used in the fic for that matter. But I found myself cheering for Hana and for empathizing with Dangwoo when I found out about his sad past, so I commend you for managing to effectively convey the characters' personalities. The only thing that I disliked was the abrupt change in Hana's character after she met Dongwoo for...what? 5 minutes? That was the only part I found slightly unbelievable. I suggest that you introduce character change in a more gradual manner. This way the reader would not be thrown off.
But then again, I understand that Hana was SUPPOSED to change abruptly after she met Dongwoo. So I didn't take off too many points for that.
Flow: [7/10]
I found the flow of events reasonably believable. I managed to breeze through the story with no confusion whatsoever on the plot so that is a good sign. The only thing I had problem with was in Chapter 11, the story suddenly shifted time zones to the past. I suggest making the font different or something if you are writing about the past since I was caught off guard about the sudden change. This is not a major mistake though, so don't fret too much about it. Overall very realistic and easy to follow.
Ending: [6/10]
I quite liked the ending because I understood the link between the ending and the prologue. I liked the fact that you included the ending at the start of the fic, so that when you wrapped up the story, it really allowed the reader to experience a sense of completion. However, I didn't like the fact that there was no reconciliation between Yonghwa and Hana. I kind of expected that since Yonghwa played such a big role in the fic, but I can understand if you choose to keep it ambiguous. That was just my personal preference.
WRITING STYLE
Grammar: [6/10]
I only spotted a few here and there, and they were not immediately obvious. Just be sure to differentiate between past and present tense, as you have a habit of neglecting the "d" at the back when you write about events that happened in the past.
The only thing I noticed that was a recurring mistake was that you failed to paragraph after a character says something.
To point out a sentence in Chapter One that contains grammar mistakes:
"No, it's good", I said, took out my headphones and smiled at her once again. Mrs Jung pulled out a chair next to me and sat down. "How are you today?"
"No it's good." I said, taking out my headphones and smiling at her once again. Mrs Jung pulled out a chair next to me and sat down.
"How are you today?"
There are numerous mistakes in which you either did your sentence structure wrongly, or you neglected use of the past and present tense.
To name another:
"You looked uncomfortable.", he broke the silence between us. "I mean, when Mrs Jung asked you about.... I actually don't know what you talked about. You just looked really uncomfortable, as if you wanted to disappear right on the spot."
"You looked uncomfortable." He broke the silence between us.
I shot him a questioning look.
"I mean, when Mrs Jung asked you about.... Actually I have no idea what you talked about. You just looked really uncomfortable, as if you wanted to disappear from the spot."
I added an extra line because I noticed that you had Dongwoo repeat the line "You looked uncomfortable."
It seemed slightly awkward to repeat the same line twice so I added in a new one.
There are other mistakes, but I believe you understand what I am getting at. If you don't, feel free to message me and I will get back to you right away. I don't really want to dwell on the details anyway.
Vocabulary: [6/10]
I could definitely appreciate the variety of adjectives and analogies but it would be a lot better if you used a more colourful vocabulary to really let your reader fully appreciate and experience your story. Of course, I understand that you aren't fluent in English, so I consider this a very good attempt already. I suggest reading more English novels and fanfics to expand your vocabulary. If you have proper command over a wide range of words, it would vastly improve your fanfic.
Organization: [7/10]
Overall very organized. Other than the grammar mistake I pointed out about not paragraphing spoken sentences, I really like your organization as you paragraphed events. This definitely helped to reduce the "cluttered" feel that some fanfics have, so I am quite satisfied with this section.
Overall Enjoyment: [14/20]
I enjoyed your fanfic quite a lot, and the fact that I could relate to the characters really helped. I like how your characters had a history, and more depth as opposed to shallow characters with perfect personalities. There was just the right amount of sadness in this fic, as well as a few romantic moments that balanced out the angst nicely. I quite like your technique of creating dramatic tension, so you are quite adept in this department! I can sense you have a flair for angst, which is good as it improved your story and kept it from sounding too morose or too cheesy.
Very nicely written and although I wasn't biting my nails in anticipation, I enjoyed it quite a lot!
Remember to PM me if there are any questions! Hwaiting!
TOTAL SCORE: 69/100
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