Conversation Hearts - violin852 (Reviewer: Nam_MinGi)
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Admn. Note: It seems that I sent the same review request to two different reviewers... I'm really sorry, so I had to update this review request as well. I hope it can help you a bit more :)
Title: Conversation Hearts
Author: violin852
Title [2/5]
I don’t want to be bad but it’s pretty boring at first look. I don’t even know what it really means. Does it even have any relevance to the story? Your title should be eye-catching—so that it can attract more readers. It also has to have some sort of connection with the main point of the story.
Description/Foreword [4/10]
To be truthful, I don’t really like it. The first part- you just let out to all readers what you were going to write and what they would read later on. It ruined the anticipation of your readers to actually look forward to the contents of the story. You should make it exciting— put a little bit of cliffhanger and some spoiler(but not too much) to arouse some excitement in your reader!
I do prefer you to roughly introduce your main characters in your story in your description because there are many characters for your story. People can get very easily confused. Because you have 4 main fictional characters, I find the need for you to just mention the names because people tend to skip the ‘Characters’ part above the description.
I don’t want to be bad but it’s pretty boring at first look. I don’t even know what it really means. Does it even have any relevance to the story? Your title should be eye-catching—so that it can attract more readers. It also has to have some sort of connection with the main point of the story.
Description/Foreword [4/10]
To be truthful, I don’t really like it. The first part- you just let out to all readers what you were going to write and what they would read later on. It ruined the anticipation of your readers to actually look forward to the contents of the story. You should make it exciting— put a little bit of cliffhanger and some spoiler(but not too much) to arouse some excitement in your reader!
I do prefer you to roughly introduce your main characters in your story in your description because there are many characters for your story. People can get very easily confused. Because you have 4 main fictional characters, I find the need for you to just mention the names because people tend to skip the ‘Characters’ part above the description.
Plot [9/15]
Although your plot is about a group of students and their moments together, I feel like there were no real conflicts between the couples. Add a little of creativity in it and spice some things up a bit!
Originality [4/5]
Hmm, what can I say about this? I am in no position to judge you on people’s originality because there are too many stories in AFF. Even the rarest of stories would have one or two that is similar to it.
It is not the most original story but you did add a little bit here and there that would make it slightly different from other stories. I’m fine with it unless you actually plagiarised someone else’s story.
Story Flow [3/5]
Some of the parts it felt like it just popped up out of nowhere without any explanation. Remember, readers don’t know what you’re thinking.
Logic/Believability [4/5]
Okay. Nothing feels off about how the characters interacted and how conflicts evolved, but something feels odd. The girls were supposed to be Koreans or something else? You said ‘What if he likes Jessica because she’s Korean too?’ and it confused me. They all had Korean names but they weren’t supposed to be Koreans?
Okay. Nothing feels off about how the characters interacted and how conflicts evolved, but something feels odd. The girls were supposed to be Koreans or something else? You said ‘What if he likes Jessica because she’s Korean too?’ and it confused me. They all had Korean names but they weren’t supposed to be Koreans?
Characterisation [6/10]
There is not much characterization. You didn’t really explain to the readers about the characteristics and personalities of your main characters at the beginning, which felt really confusing. Only afterwards did I see you explaining more about your characters.
There were too many side characters and it confuses me. What are their specific relations to the main characters? Or are they just extras with special names?
Character Development [4/5]
I do see developments in the characters but perhaps you will add more later on? Since the story is still ongoing.
Language [17/20]
It was not really bad but I did spot some minor errors. I suggest double-checking it before you post it to avoid any grammatical or language error.
Writing Style [2/5]
It’s fine but sometimes, your indications are unnecessary. For example, in chapter 3, you don’t have to put any indicators of when the flashbacks started and when it finished. Your sentence already explains it.
Oh, and please do not put your rants and thoughts in the middle of the story. Write it in your ‘Author’s Notes’ section, whether at the beginning of the chapter of the end. You can write all you want (but not too long).
Don’t use caps to show that the character is shouting or anything. Your identifiers and your punctuation mark is enough to show that the character is shouting.
Also, not to forget, don’t use emoticons while writing the story! In the ‘Author’s Notes’ part is completely fine.
It’s fine but sometimes, your indications are unnecessary. For example, in chapter 3, you don’t have to put any indicators of when the flashbacks started and when it finished. Your sentence already explains it.
Oh, and please do not put your rants and thoughts in the middle of the story. Write it in your ‘Author’s Notes’ section, whether at the beginning of the chapter of the end. You can write all you want (but not too long).
Don’t use caps to show that the character is shouting or anything. Your identifiers and your punctuation mark is enough to show that the character is shouting.
Also, not to forget, don’t use emoticons while writing the story! In the ‘Author’s Notes’ part is completely fine.
Overall Appearance/Neatness [5/5]
I don’t really mind the absence of posters because I’m not the type that goes for graphics. The background is not too bright or too fancy. It’s just nice and simple and avoids the visual irritation of the readers. Not too many colours in your description/foreword and story. Nice and simple.
Overall Enjoyment [8/10]
When I read it, it didn’t feel like a written story. It’s very slow and it felt like a shoujo romcom manga/manhwa/manhua. It’s light-hearted yet cute and has a lot of characters— side characters or main characters. However in manga/manhwa/manhua, they have pictures that could tell everything. In written story, it is harder.
Your story was boring at first, but as I continued, it was getting more exciting. Full of nonsensical events that is cute and like I said, if this was a manga/manhwa/manhua, this would be quite a hit on manga sites!
When I read it, it didn’t feel like a written story. It’s very slow and it felt like a shoujo romcom manga/manhwa/manhua. It’s light-hearted yet cute and has a lot of characters— side characters or main characters. However in manga/manhwa/manhua, they have pictures that could tell everything. In written story, it is harder.
Your story was boring at first, but as I continued, it was getting more exciting. Full of nonsensical events that is cute and like I said, if this was a manga/manhwa/manhua, this would be quite a hit on manga sites!
Total: [69/100]
Reviewer’s note: It’s not bad, you just need to improve. I saw that this was your first fanfiction, so I understand. Not every first attempts are successful. Hwaiting! ^^
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