Rooftop Memoir - Fake_D (Reviewer: cyberchasefan200)
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Title: Rooftop Memoir
Author: Fake_D
Title: 4/5
I’m not going to say it’s bad. Because honestly it really isn’t but I think instead of Rooftop Memoir, it should have been Rooftop Memory. It makes a bit more sense to me.
Poster/Trailer: 5/5
I see the rooftop which is PERFECT because it matches the title and also broken glass which is another element that works really well with the story. It is well made and green matches really well.
Flow: 10/10
It flowed really well. You didn’t flip-flop the story which made it clear.
Description: 10/10
It was unlike other descriptions. Thank you. Lol seriously. Thanks for not asking questions in it like “What if...?” or something along those lines. Those are so over used.
Plot: 19/20
Very original to me. It does remind me of something but I can’t put my finger on what it was. But I’ve never seen a whole plot like that before.
Grammar /Spelling: 3/10
There were SO many. It was more like repeats of the same kinds of mistakes. It was things like past, present, future tense, using the right word, missing words, unnecessary words, etc. I’m not going to list all of them, but just note that I found many.
- She was about to take the stair to go to the fourth floor again when she found the stair would lead her to another floor.”
Should be “She was about to take the stairs and go to the fourth floor again, when she discovered the stairs lead he to another floor.”
- He was holding her headphone, but somehow she could hear the music surrounding her.
Should be “He was holding her headphones, but somehow, she was able to hear the music all around her.”
- She just finished her SAT and she was still waiting for call for college. It had been a month, but she got none. At least back home she got a few friends.
Should be “She just finished her SATs and was still waiting for a call from a college. It has been a month, but she never received a call.”
- It was 9.pm and she was watching the 9 o’clock news alone. Her parents were out for a few days for a business trip. She really didn’t care much. It was too early to go to the rooftop. She knew he wouldn’t be there anyway. Not that early at least. As she flipped the magazine on her laps, her mind wandered somewhere else. The television was on, the magazine was in front of her, but she was out of this world. Her mind was on her boyfriend, Kim Himchan. She was worried somehow. There’s no way to get in touch with him. He had no cell phone as he said it would be too bothersome and he didn’t really have any friend to contact and he didn’t have any land line in his unit as well. The only way to contact him was by knocking on his door. Since he didn’t answer that too, last night, she gave up.
Should be “It was nine at night (or 9 pm) and she was watching the 9 o’clock news, alone. Her parents had left for a business trip and would be out for a few days. She didn’t really care all that much. It was too early to go to the rooftop. She knew he wouldn’t be there anyways, not at this hour at least. As she flipped through the magazine she had on her lap, her mind wandered on something else. She was thinking about her boyfriend, Kim Himchan. She was somehow worried. There was no way to get in touch with him. He had no cell phone because he said it was too bothersome and never had any friends to keep in contact with. He didn’t have a land line in his unit either. The only way to reach him was to knock on his door. Since he never answered last night, she gave up.”
There are more, but just wanted to point a few out. Maybe it’s the way you speak that you write like this but I honestly don’t know what or how you speak so ...
Writing Style: 18/20
The way you write is so descriptive. I imagined everything and learned like 20 new words every chapter. Again, I tried to ignore them, but the mistakes with like grammar and stuff was bothering me so much when I read. But other than that, it was really clear. In future stories, just bold where you put the subtitles. Like Day 12 or whatever, just bold those. Also if you do POVs, then bold those as well. Like Day 12 or ________ POV.
Okay so in your description you wrote:
This is where we met.
This is where we fell in love.
This is where we cried together.
And this is where we depart.
Our Rooftop Memoir,
It's our precious memory.
The story matched this PERECTLY. I was so happy!
This is where we met. – the rooftop
This is where we fell in love. –the rooftop.
This is where we cried together. – the rooftop
And this is where we depart. – the rooftop
Our Rooftop Memoir,
It's our precious memory. – THE ROOFTOP.
Yes so the only place these two were was the rooftop and .......it was so perfect I loved it. :D
Ending: 20/20
SADEST. ENDING. EVER. I was so sad when he died! I wanted to cry! I’m happy she was able to move on though:) It was like a happy and sad ending but the sadness was in a weird way, worth it.
Overall: 89/100
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