Title: We Got Married [CL and Onew Couple]~

Author: Wassup_we_2NE1    

Title [9/10]:

The tittle of this story is very straightforward; I can’t really think of any another ways to make it more interesting. This is just a suggestion, but I think you should come up with a couple name for CL and Onew; something similar to “Adams Couple” or “Khuntoria” would be fine. I tried thinking about it, but failed, and came up weird names such as “Clonew” and “Onew Clondition.” Anyways, I suggest naming the couple based on their personalities in your fanfiction or in real life. Leaving it like that is fine too; although I personally think unique titles would attract better attention from readers. Awesome!

Description/Foreword [4/5]:

The foreword is okay since you can’t keep it a mystery with that tittle. Your description seems somewhat cliché to me. I suggest you taking a special moment from your fanfiction and put it in the description. For example, “What would happen if the DakChaerin (Chicken Chaerin) marry the Chicken Lover? What will he do to her? Will he treat her like how he treat his chicken? What if they fall in love when they’re not supposed to? What if they did fall in love, and realized everything is just a show?”. Good job overall!

Originality [12/15]:

We Got Married plots are very common nowadays, so I didn’t expect much of a difference here. I enjoyed the creativities that you put into this; it’s a little bit different from other plots I’ve read. I would have to say spin the bottle is very cliché, but the maknae’s trick is definitely new! I like how you add Big Bang in there, very cool. I would say the Pepero kiss game is also cliché.

Characters [10/10]:

The characters are very cute! They support the plot well. I especially love Key’s and Taemin’s personality! Each character serves their purpose well. Excellent!

Plot/Writing [13/20]:

Your writing style often repeats itself. I suggest you to try different types of sentence structures and alternate them into your fanfiction.

For speeches, you can try and apply these examples to your text:            

“Hello John. How are you?” said Mary.           

 Mary said, “Hello John. How are you?”       

 “Hello John,” Mary said, “How are you?”

Sorry to say this, but, I don’t like when authors use pictures in the middle of their text. It makes them somewhat unprofessional. You can try breaking the details up and work on it parts by parts. If the outfits aren’t necessary to the story plot, remove them.

Another thing that ruins the mood, *inserts action*. As an example from chapter six, instead of saying “*After they got dressed and made up*” you could say “After they got dressed and made up, they went back to their teammates”, or you can replace it with a line break and continue the next paragraph like how you normally do.

Grammar [12/25]

There were quite a lot of common grammar errors in your writing, but they’re not that bothersome. In chapter one, it should be “the girls and I said energetically” instead of “me and the girls”.

When a quote ends and there’s some description after it to explain the talker, please use a comma instead of a period (unless the quote ends with a question mark or an exclamation mark). Example from the first chapter, “Nae, annyeong haseyo 2NE1,” the director said while smiling. Notice how I put a comma instead of a period because the sentence does not end at the quote, it ends when I finished telling the reader who’s talking.

Also, please remember that there’s always a space between an end quotation and the word after it. Your character’s speech sometimes seems too long; please break it out into shorter sentences for better understanding.

Also, when using a question mark or an exclamation mark in a speech, please capitalize the word following it. After all, they’re periods written in different forms in order for the readers to understand the character’s tone better. I noticed you forgot to put periods at the end of some sentences, make sure to have them there next time.

There are some misspelled words, wrong tense usage, and incorrect plural words. Remember not to use a past tense verb after a past tense verb. Taken from chapter one, it should be “Who did you talk to?” instead of “Who did you talked to?”.

I found several inconsistencies with verbs tense; please try and keep the verbs as consistent as possible. Switching from one tense to another often confuses the readers. There are other minor problems relating to the topics above.

Hopefully I explained it well enough. The stuff I mentioned should cover most errors in your fanfiction.

Other [8/10]

I smiled like crazy while reading this, so congratulation! I enjoyed it a lot! Many parts of your story are funny and sweet. As for an advice, edit and double-check your chapters before editing. I found a considerable of mistakes. If you want to improve your grammar and writing, you can always check it out online, or message me personally! I’m more than happy to help you. If you have any questions, feel free to ask, I’m here to help as much as I can.

Extra [4/5]:

Your poster is extremely adorable. I love it! It gives me a fun and cute lovey-dovey feeling to it, just like your story. Your chapters are also very organized and neat, especially the point of views. Maybe you should make a legend at the top, telling us what each color means.            

Your chapter titles are great and interesting, but remember to capitalize the first letter of important words!

Total [0-100]: 72/100

A: 90-100

B: 80-89

C: 70-79

D: 60-69

F: 60-            

For the most part, your story is good. I think grammar is the thing that brings your score down the most. You had a little bit of noncontiguous flow throughout the story, but it should be fine after some minor changes.  It seems as though you have some troubles with grammar, and I honestly think you’ll be fine after reading a few articles online.

I gave you some basic grammar rules that most people expect, so that’ll probably help you in some aspect. I thought you would get bored reading this, so I didn’t add any complex grammar examples.

Remember, there’s always room to improve! Work hard, yeah? Hwaiting!

Thank you for requesting! I hoped this is helpful, even just one bit. Hope to see you again! Oh, and good luck! ~teuteelicious from **Starlight Review Shop**

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