Title : 13 Ghosts?

Author : ctrl_me

Title  (5/10)
Not really interesting. It already explained all the story. In fact you made na one-shot story, i think you should make a title that hid something. And from the title you already tell the people that there were 13 ghosts. You could hide it until the end and let readers enjoy how the story goes.

Description/Foreword (8/10)
Simple but nice ! it showed like  youngdae and hyejoo were standing in front of the haunted house.  

Originality (6/10)
 i didn’t see the surprising part of this story.   

Plot(3/5)
The plot was fine. Simple yet but you made the readers understand what you wanted to show.

Characters(9/15)
Super junior wasn’t the main character here. The main is Kim Hyejoo. Even she was afraid of nothing but she’s still a human. And like a normal human there are times that she must scared too. The people around the house said they heard voice came inside the house. Normal people must scared hearing that.  The way you tell Kim Hyejoo character was too simple. She was curious with what was it inside the house but when she already knew what is it inside the house she just little surprised adn then act normal again. I was hoping she would hit something because she was surprised and shocked.

Grammar(6/10)
 You combined of past and present.

“That house is interesting. It’s big but kind of old. I wonder if it’s really abandoned. If I’m not mistaken, I saw someone there last night. Oh well. Let’s just see what’s going to happen”

Maybe you could write it like this

“that house was interisting. It was big but kind of old. I wonder if it was really abondoned. If I’m not mistake.........”

that sould be was not is. The fact that you use past in the previous sentences
and on the other part

“The door’s opened so I found it easy to make it to the living room. It’s dark. Luckily, I found the switch and turned the lights on. Wow. The room’s really clean. Looks like someone’s cleaning it. That means someone’s living here. I sat on the couch and took my camera. Then I heard footsteps from upstairs. I stood up and went there. The hallway’s also dark. “

Change the present

“the door was opened. So I found easy to make it to the living room. It was dark. Luckily.......the room was really clean. Looked like someone was.. the hallway was also dark”

Other (5/10)
When i saw the main picture (poster) closely i saw a female  ghost in  the upper left corner of the poster. It should be super junior is the ghost not the female. Maybe you can make a poster where Kim Hyejoo is in the middle sorrounded by super junior. The backgroung was fine.

Extra (6/15)

 I didn’t see surprising part of this story. And after all since this is one-shot story you should made a one best moment either in the end or when Kin Hyejoo found that the ghost was super junior. The fenomenal boyband. The most fun part maybe Heechul part.  

I enjoy the story (5/15)

a.    Umm (no)
b.    Yeah(ok, kinda of)
c.     Okay (yes)
d.    Elastic(really like)  

I enjoyed the story
B. kind of
Reason : it was haunted house. You could describe the view of the house from outside it could made your readers imagine how was the house look like.

Total : 53/100 (i didn’t use the bonus)

Hey ! this is Kayla your reviewers. Hope this  could improve the way you write your story.  By the way if you could improve this story and made  in chapters it would be really interisting.

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