Title: Kim Myungsoo Must Die

Author: wonjana

Title 8/10]:

Wow. When I first saw your title, I admit that I didn’t expect much of you. Maybe I thought it was childish, or that it didn’t make sense… Now that I read it again, it gets so addictive. It gave me a weird feeling, and I loved it… Like a key to unlock a door, which is the main story….

However, it’s not a story title that would make me go read the description.

Description/Foreword [8/10]:

Wait a second, because I’m out of breath! You have a powerful description – It’s short, but interesting. When I first read it I didn’t even read your foreword, and I was already anxious to read/review your fanfic.

Since I can’t copy-paste it here, I’ll just say that maybe you could give a paragraph between the sentences where you use the “past” and the “present” tense. Maybe it’s only me, but I got a little bit confused or less interested. When you say “He was the one who turned her evil” and then write “No, no matter what happens”. Maybe it gives a better impact if you do so.

Your foreword is also too addictive. A bit confusing, but interesting.

Now that I read your story fully, I can say that your description is really exaggerated. I mean, wow, just because he was cheating on her? Really? I thought he had killed her family, or anything of that sort! But of course I won’t deduct any points because of that, it’s still awesome!

Originality [9/10]

This is original for sure! I liked it!

Plot/Writing [19/22]:

I really liked your story. It’s well-written, even though you mixed verb tenses a lot, and some parts were confusing because of that.  Also, some of the happenings would appear/disappeared pretty quickly, making me have to re-read those paragraphs.

I frowned a lot at the thought Jiyeon killed her husband out of jealousy. Ok, he treated her badly, but at least he didn’t her or anything… a lot of people goes through a lot more and don’t kill anyone. She should ask for divorce if she wasn’t that satisfied with him, if she loved him she wouldn’t have the courage to do so, no? But I think you portrayed her feelings greatly, so readers will feel her pain.

The ending was… too sad, actually. At first, I felt the same as her when all their friends were telling her he really loved her…. If you had finished the fanfic like that, for me it would be better (because I don’t like sad stories, and thinking that the dead one was somehow at fault I’d feel a bit less sad :3). But you decided to make your readers suffer a bit more, huh? So you added that brilliant ending.

I don’t usually cry – also, I hate sad stories!!! -, but yours was pretty good. I didn’t cry, but you made me want to poke Jiyeon to see if she could come to her senses.

However, you could explain some parts a bit more, and not go from a part to another suddenly. As a reader, I felt confused.

Your way of writing is definitely good. I don’t read fanfics like yours for a long time already, so I was satisfied.

Characters [7/10]:

Jiyeon…. At first, I pitied her. Being ignored by her own husband, the one she loved very much, was hard. Also, always watching him with another girl on the TV is also something hard. If my boyfriend was an idol and we broke up, I think I’d burn my TV and not leave home (just kidding).

A lot of people would just go away, and leave him for good.  Then he’d realise her and come back (I was thinking she’d be crossed over or something, and he’d feel regretful, something like that). But she just went to the extreme and killed him.  

But coming from a good family, she could have made a better choice. She was weak, or maybe crazy.  When she first pulled a knife to kill him, I really thought she had some mental problems (no offense, I think I treat it if it was real)… Then I felt the pain of her and him, the death scene… and convinced myself that this was just a story.

I think you could develop her character a bit more, like adding some background story of her and her family… But maybe it would be confusing, because from what I saw you had some difficulty changing from a subject to another.

Myungsoo was too exaggerated. Please, even inside your house’s door you needed to be so harsh?

It turns out that he was doing it only because of her. To protect her. Because he loved her.

Washing his blood, seeing that the woman he loved wanted to kill him…. And not saying a thing… I think that was the worst part.

I liked how you changed everything with only some sentences. You don’t really develop characters, but since it was only an oneshot, I don’t think it really minds that much.

Grammar/Vocabulary [19/23]

 Your biggest mistake is basically the verb tenses!! It’s a pity I can’t copy-paste some of them, and I also can’t ask you to do so because I’m running out of time! But they’re many, so I advise you to re-read it!

Your vocabulary is also as good as your way of writing. I liked it.

How much I enjoyed your story / Overall Excitement [8/10]

Your story was interesting from beginning to the ending. It wasn’t boring at all, and somehow you were able to give some feelings to the readers. That’s great, I valorise it a lot… Not many people can do it just using their pens…

Extra [3/5]:

I liked your poster/background. It was amazing, and I understand why is like that. I didn’t really feel like it totally fit the story, though. But it’s surely cute!

Since it was an oneshot, the title you gave to the chapter was a bit weird. I mean, saying that it was the first chapter and the ending at the same time… I didn’t think it suited. Maybe just the fanfic title would be enough.

Bonus [3/10]

Points: 84/100

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