Title: When It All Collapse

Author: Infnt7Inspirit

Title [3/10]:

 The title is fine. Not too bad, not too good.

It is not that catchy for me, but I guess those are opinions.

Description/Foreword [6/10]:

I enjoyed reading it. You have a brief summary of your story, and were able to make readers like me interested. It would be cooler if you had a foreword, maybe.

Originality [3/10]

Your story is not that original, but you have a clean and nice writing.

Plot/Writing [17/22]:
 

Your writing is really good, actually. Your plot is also great. The only complain I have is some confusing moments on the first chapter because you travelled around present and past too much.  I understand what you wanted to do, but those divisions just made it more confusing.

A few divergences between past and present too. Even if he’s talking about the past and says something about the present, the past tense should be used. Myungsoo was telling the story, and going back and forth after all. The mood changed a bit after the use of the present… it kind of ruined the mood.

You keep going back and forth too…. But I actually like that. Honestly speaking, I do it a lot too.... just that in a different way.

Characters [8/10]:

You were able to make your characters understandable to the readers.

Myungsoo… Even though I understand his choice, leaving her like that made me anxious and angry. But to be honest, I prefer it like that.

Why does every guy who leaves is supposedly protecting the other? Can’t they have other reasons? I mean, it is not right to selfishly leave your loved one because of a dream, not even explaining… but reading a story where the character was forced to leave doesn’t make the story less emotional? It’s always the same anyway.

Grammar/Vocabulary [17/23]

Your  vocabulary is good, you just have some grammar mistakes.

How much I enjoyed your story / Overall Excitement [7/10]

Your story was really nice. A bit confusing at first, but it gets better later. I hope you tell me when you update. Don’t forget! I’m not an INFINITE or a MISS A fan, but for the first time I was able to like Myungsoo.

Extra [3/5]:

Your poster is pretty cool. I just don’t like the first words, those are pretty confusing.

Chapter titles were nice, too.

Bonus [4/10]:

If your fanfic is amazing you can surpass 100, but I'm kinda strict so.... It has to be really good! ^^

[Points: 68-100] 

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