Title [4/5]

Your title connects very well with the overall plot of your story. I like it! The meaning of “unwarranted” could apply to the relationship between Yeeun and Chansung: the differences between a mad woman and a psychology student. Or it could also apply to the actions of Yeeun. I like how there are hidden meanings behind your title and the multiple ways of interpreting your title.

Description/Foreword [7/10]

Simple yet meaningful. It can spur someone to read on. Even though your choice of words are not flowery, you can still manage to grab someone’s attention. The fact that you haven’t revealed many details in your description leaves your readers curious to find out more. Your prologue is also very meaningful. It ends with a perfect cliffhanger that gives suspense to your readers.

Creativity/Originality [9/10]

So far, this is the only story that I’ve read that has a plot like yours. Sure, I’ve read stories of how the main character is, well, abnormal in some sort of ways. But never have I ever read a story like yours. At first, I thought that it was going to be like those average love stories between a girl who has some medical condition and this “perfect” guy. But when you mentioned that they both share a tragic past that will change their lives, I was interested in reading more. You left me with the need to find out what occurred to both of them; what intertwines the lives of a mad woman and a psychology student.

Flow [14/20]

Because your story involves a lot surprising twists and big revelations, I understand that you need to drag it a bit, to create suspense. But note that keeping your readers in the dark for too long may bore them. For example, because your story has two separate situations which will eventually intertwine, I suggest you do not prolong the separate situations for too long. You should gradually start connecting both situations. Because, only once your readers understand how your main characters are related to each other, will you be able to reveal bigger twists and surprises in your story.

Characterization [16/20]

I like how Chansung is depicted as a nice and friendly person. The fact that he is not like his other friends makes him more interesting, although this may be a bit cliché. I mean, in most stories, the main guy is that “perfect, nice, and handsome” dude that everyone wants. But I understand that he has a tragic, hidden past. So I leave that to you to develop. Yeeun is just that perfect example of a mad woman. With her constant mood swings, and the way she hides from society around her, makes her somewhat stranger than others. Other characters like Fei, Sunye, and Sunmi, fit well in the story. However, one thing that really bugs me is that in Chapter 3, you mentioned that “Yeeun was talking to people she can now call friends”. But in the next chapter, you made the atmosphere between the sisters and Yeeun seem very awkward. I suggest you take note of the atmosphere between characters according to their relationship with one another.

Writing Style [15/20]

Grammar: – 7 points

Sentence construction was good. I spotted some grammatical errors here and there, but they were not very bothersome.

For example, you wrote: Maybe she’s not too bad, after all. Sunmi says to herself.

 When it should be: “Maybe she’s not too bad after all,” Sunmi says to herself.

(Note the punctuation)

 There are errors in your tenses as well. I believe that you have chosen to stick with the present tense. Because most of your sentences are structured in present tense. However, in some areas you seemed to have switched to the past tense. I know that sometimes it is necessary to write in past tense, as they are flashbacks of what happened before. But there are some sentences, which are not part of your flashbacks, that are written in past tense.

For example, in Chapter 4, you wrote: Sunye extends her hand out for a shake…. --> Present Tense

But in the next sentence, you wrote: Her eyes were now bulging….. --> Past Tense

And then you switch back again: She starts breathing hard…. --> Present Tense

And in the next sentence: She spoke sternly and fast…. --> Past Tense

Make sure you double-check your sentences before updating.

Vocabulary: – 8 points

Your choice of words is excellent. In certain areas, you use simple words to explain your story. And the simplicity of your words itself, can bring deep meaning to your readers. You emphasize your plot without filling your sentences with unnecessary bombastic words. I like how in some areas, you use words with deeper intensity to bring forth the characteristics and personalities of the different characters. I suggest you focus on the development on your plot, rather than how complex your words are. Because I can sense that sometimes, you add more flowery language to your sentences instead of focusing on the message that those sentences are going to deliver.

Poster and Background [3/5]

I like the way you have two posters for your story: a big one for your cover, and a smaller one for each of your chapters. The fonts that you have selected match the theme of your story very well.  The quote, “Unfolding a mad woman’s tale” fits your story superbly. The pictures you have chosen also suit each character’s personality. However, I feel that the poster you use for the chapters is too dark. The picture of Chansung is not so clear. Instead of using a completely black background for your poster, I suggest that you blend a slightly less dark colour into background, like the one you used for the cover. I like the blending of colours in that one.

Overall Enjoyment [8/10]

In overall, I like your story. It’s fine, except that I get bored from all the waiting. I mean, after four chapters, the plot should have been developing already. But the main characters haven’t even met yet. I suggest you move the pace a little faster to start developing the main story. Otherwise, your readers might get bored. I originally planned to give you higher marks for the flow of your story, but after reading further, I started to get bored. You need to create that “catch” in your story to hook all of your readers. Start developing your plot a little further. Insert more hidden meanings into your sentences and into your characters’ actions (like what you did in Chapter 4: the little girl in Chansung’s dreams). I’m sure you’ll do fine. ^^

Total [76/100]

I hope I’ve helped in some sort of way :) Nothing you did was terribly wrong or lacked a lot. Besides small errors that can be corrected, your story is pretty good.

PS. You don’t need many readers to feel inspired. Get inspiration from the comments you receive and from your own feelings about your story. Cheesy, I know :/ But I just needed to tell you that. You’re an amazing author and you don’t need to judge that by the number of subscribers you have >.<

Thank you for requesting and I wish you all the best! ^^

PEACE.

~awesomeGEE at **Starlight Review Shop**

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