! ~oh no . NO ! give me back MY BAMBOO PILLOW !! ~ ! - taeraa (Reviewer:cyberchasefan200)
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Author: taeraa
Title: 2/5
It is way too long. “Give Back My Bamboo Pillow” is a lot better.
Poster/Trailer: 5/5
Myungsoo holding the bamboo matches is good because it works with the story. It’s also cute and the colors go with the plot.
Flow: 10/10
Good flow. Everything made sense.
Description: 4/10
It’s not very good to be honest. I think if you were writing and angst story or you were giving a teaser for a story, quotes would be good. But it doesn’t tell the reader what the story is about. From reading it you can kinda figure it out but it would be a lot better to write the plot out. Here’s an example:
(I assume the main character’s name is Hanna)
“Hanna has never been interested in K-Pop. One day her and her friends play truth or dare and Hanna is dared to take a picture with the famous SHINee member, Taemin. The famous boyband Infinite visits her school and Hanna meets the face of the group, L. L lost his bamboo pillow and Hanna agrees to help look for it under one condition, he helps her get a picture with Taemin.”
If I got any of the information wrong I’m really sorry. This is what I could understand from the story.
Plot: 20/20
I honestly never heard of anything like it. It’s very creative.
Grammar/Spelling: 2/10
I know you don’t know English so it’s understandable. There were a bunch of things and I’ll only show a few of them.
just how many garden are there in this school ?!
Should be: Just how many gardens are there in this school?!
i hide it under the bench and covered it with grass and a few flower pots that was happened to be there .
Should be: I hide it under the bench and covered it with some grass and flowers.
" i know , crazy right ? i'm soo envy of her .."
Should be: I know she’s crazy right? I’m so envious of her.”
there's a dead silence between us .
Should be: There was a dead silence between us.
Those were just a few things. Here are a few tips though:)
1) Don’t put spaces between punctuation marks. Like this . I mean I have do that when I text but your writing a story so it’s a different situation.
2) Microsoft Word is a good tool to use when writing stories. Write them here, edit them, then copy and paste them into AFF.
3) Read some other stories on AFF to get an idea on how things are written and the way it’s written. You might find a writing style you like.
Writing Style: 13/20
Most of the words were very descriptive and the sentences were pretty good. But your grammar, spelling and punctuation kind of took away from this a little bit. Due to this, it was hard for me to read and understand. I needed to re-read things constantly to understand. But you wrote it pretty well.
Ending: 15/20
Overall: 71/100
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