Writing on Airplanes - simplewrite (Reviewer: cyberchasefan200)
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Title: Writing On Airplanes
Author: simplewrite
Title: 5/5
Even though the element paper airplanes is just an object, in the story it has a signification meaning and I like how you used that element in the title.
Poster/Trailer: 0/5
None. Even for one-shots or contest entries, you should have some sort of picture/poster. You could have requested for a poster at a shop. Only unless you weren't planning on keeping the story on AFF you don't need a poster.
Flow: 6/10
The overall flow was very good. The only thing is you weren't too clear on how Kim Heechul died. At first I assumed he was hit by a car then she Krystal said murdered in the next chapter. I had to read over the beginning of that chapter constantly to finally realize. I think you should have added more ... detail about the scene. Like he was calling her name then have the gang who killed him. A small scene on that. Also separating with a short line of dashes messed up my thinking too. It went from their childhood to 3 years later. I think you should have put like
Three years later ....
Then the rest of the story. I don't know how to explain very well sorry! Like mini sub-titles in a way to indicate the time period and maybe the place. It makes it a lot easier for the reader to know where/when the character(s) are/is before actually reading. It helps visualize.
Description: 8/10
It's like those descriptions you see in the back of books. I kinda wish you gave a general plot in there somehow. For one-shots, usually quotes are good.
Plot: 17/20
There is no general plot for this story. From what I can tell from reading it, it's about two childhood friends who had to separate. He sees her but dies trying to get to her and she finds out. She is upset and tries to move on but in the end will never fully move on from him.
It has a general plot but it's kinda confusing and not very clear. A better detailed straight-to-the-point plot would have worked better.
Grammar/Spelling: 10/10
Clean! I didn't find and spelling mistakes. Or nothing that I saw at least.
Writing Style: 18/20
Dialogue was good, details were well written, it was very descriptive. Except the Heechul death part. It seems like you were just lazy and didn't want to write the scene so you cut it off there. Not enough detail there. But overall it was very good.
Ending: 20/20
It was such a sad ending! But I loved it. It was perfect how she mentioned the paper airplanes he used to love to make. Like she did in the foreword. Or like it said in the foreword.
Overall: 84/100
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