Title: The Bully And The Nerd

Author: Forever-A-MVP

Title [3/10]

It wouldn't really get my attention. That tilde at the end gives an amateur feeling to it - though, that's what we all are, right? - but you could make it look 'more professional' by taking it off, if you know what I mean. It goes with the story, though! 

Foreword [4/10]

You wrote on the description what you should have written on the Foreword. The Foreword contains a prologue, quote, or an excerpt that is relevant to your story. It shouldn't have an author's note. I just learned about it too!

Now, talking about the description; It's not really eye-catching. Also, it tells too little about your story. Grammatically speaking, you shouldn't have ellipsis all over—wait, it's not even ellipsis, since most of it are just two periods; that's nothing, as far as I know, that doesn't even exist in English grammar. I would think about re-writing the description, making a simple synopsis, where you tell about what happens on your story, not too little, but not too much either.

Also, you shouldn't include a character's profile telling about your characters and how they think. That's something that you write for you, as a guide, when writing your story, like 'oh, this character behaves like this and that character thinks like that'. You should be able to convey that to us, readers, with your writing. Now, moving to how you wrote it: One thing that annoys me are commas without spaces after. It avoids a lot of confusion and it's easier to read if you always place a space after placing a comma, and it's how you should write it. You have to be very careful with the verb tense when you're writing. You can't just begin a sentence in the past and then finish it with a present tense. And there's another common fatal error I found. When you're describing a character, you treat it as 'she/her he/his', good. But then the following verb is always on the first/second person, when they should be on the third person! You have to be extra-careful with this! Here's an example: "Minhee don't bully geeks or nerds." should be 'Minhee doesn't bully geeks or nerds'. You have a lot of these, so you might want to correct it! :)

Creativity/Originality [4/10]

I've seen/read this type of stories quite a few times, actually, so I can't really consider it original, creative... The bully that falls in love with the nerd. But it has your own feeling!

Plot/Writing [5/20]

You hardly described any thing, which is a pity, really! I love to imagine the scenarios like the author imagines them, and you can do that, pass that feeling to the reader, by describing them, though that's not what happens here... 

Characters [10/20]

We get to know how they are since you made a character profile on the Description. We can also understand them by your writing, since each one of them have their own behaviour, but you could have explained them better. I know you can!

Grammar/Spelling [5/20]

One thing you should avoid, like I said with the title, is the tilde while narrating the story. I think you can put it on the dialogs from time to time, to express cuteness, but other than that, it's almost as overusing that grapheme. 

I found quite a lot mistakes with verbs, like in "I remove the rest of my clothes and took a shower." Like I said on the Foreword/Description, you can't just change the verb tense in the middle of a sentence. Should be "I removed the rest of my clothes and took a shower.", since when you're telling a story, you should write in the past tense. This happens quite a few times during your story, be sure to correct them!

Use commas! You rarely use them. Some of the times you should replace them by periods, it's like you're cutting the sentence right in the middle! Like in here "I walked to the bathroom and stared at my bruises. They were disappearing. Thanks to Taemin." When you read this, it's as if there's something there that is stopping me from reading normally! Why not writing like this, "(...) They were disappearing, thanks to Taemin."? Doesn't it sound better to you?

"I see you at home at 4." Whenever you want to tell us a number, type out numbers that are less than twenty, so, "I'll see you home at four."

"I tooked out my books" Fatal error right on the beginning of the second chapter! The verb is 'to take' and its past tens is 'took', so 'tooked' doesn't existe. You might want to re-read your chapters before posting them, as to avoid this careless errors.

Another mistake I would ocasionally find was the 'your/you're' error. I've seen these quite a few times not only on your story, but on others too. So, I think you know the rule, but I'll tell you anyway; 'you're' is the contraction for 'you are', while 'your' is the possessive form of 'you'. Be careful with these!

You have a lot of grammar errors on your story that you might want to correct. When I read a story, to find frequent errors, I automatically lose interest on what I'm reading. It's as if someone is cutting the flow of the story. I know they aren't intentional, and that no one is born knowing everything, but I hope this will help you correct some of your mistakes! :)

My opinion [5/10]

Like I said earlier, this story is a bit cliché. I wouldn't mind reading it at all, but as soon as you correct the errors, since there are quite a lot. Well, all I have to say to you is good luck with the story and keep it up! Also, I'm so, but so sorry for taking so long! Thank you for being understanding, really! :D

Cover  [/2]

You don't have a cover.

TOTAL: 36/100

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