Title: Trapped!.. In the Kingdom of the Forbidden Romance

Author: Chae_Ri08

Started: 11/05/2012

Finished: 11/05/2012

Title [7/10]:

I like your title, but I think it’s too long so it gets a bit uninteresting. If I saw it while searching, it wouldn’t draw my attention. You could make a shorter one with the same meaning.

Of course it’s related to the story, and it’s beautiful.

Description/Foreword [8/10]:

Your description is interesting. You could do a bit more paragraphs, or develop it a bit more, but I think it’s catchy already.

Your foreword gave me a clue about what kind of story I’d be reading, and what kind of author you were. I smiled to myself, thinking that I was going to enjoy it. And I did. Congratulations!

Originality [9/10]

If we step out from fanfiction world, maybe your story is not that different from others… but who in this world is able to do so? Billions of people with billions of minds, how can they find something 100% original?

For a fanfiction, I think your story is really original. Your way of writing gives some extra points to it as well.

Plot/Writing [22/22]:

WOW. I have to admit that at the beginning I was like ‘what the hell…?’, but it soon started to make sense. I felt as if I was reading a fairy tale book or watching a movie…. I never read fanfics like yours, so you totally surprised me. I was horrified by reading a fanfiction that almost seemed like a book. Not even mentioning your clean writing style, your beautiful writing.

You’re developing it well. I find a bit awkward how Hana dreamed about their story, felt the pendant light and saw how it transported them to another time, and was still thinking that was some kind of joke. But it’s normal, I guess.

I really feel anxious for your next chapter!

 Characters [8/10]:

Your characters are absolutely fine. I can relate to Hana, I like her as the main character.

Sunggyu… I’m not an INFINITE fan, not really, but I felt so astonished… I really liked him, and I was hoping to see more of him as a classmate… but since your story doesn’t have that purpose, it’s secondary, I guess I’ll have to wait for the day he’ll see Hana how she really is. I think he likes her J

And NOOOO, don’t make Jaejoong into the bad guy!! Pleaase! I mean, he’s my bias from all times, and I don’t usually see him in an evil role… I’d be divided – do I want Jaejoong or Sunggyu? In your narration, Jaejoong seemed a psycho, though. Anyway… I think Donghae would fit more the role… He’s hot and gives a dark aura… J

I’m still waiting to see a development on the story… Only then I can comment about the characters with security.

Grammar/Vocabulary [23/23]

Are you a native speaker? Your vocabulary is amazing, not too complex yet not too simple. I also have not any recommendations towards grammar.

Truth to be said, there were some sentences that seemed a bit off in the story… but nothing that deserved particular attention.

This is my first time giving a full mark in anything *claps*

How much I enjoyed your story / Overall Excitement [8/10]

Your story is DAEBAK (sorry this unprofessionalism of me now, ok?).

I liked how you wrote and told the story, the characters, everything. It was definitely interesting, and addictive.

It would be a fanfic I’d recommend! This is why I like to review… because I find amazing stories like yours, and different kinds.

I just felt that it was short, and you have some uninteresting chapters in the middle.

Extra [3/5]:

You should separate a bit the A/N from the chapter itself. I think you could make it neater, if you get what I mean, and delete the non-necessary chapters.

Your poster is pretty…. It doesn’t give that much the feeling of a castle, but it’s simple and cute. I think you’d not lose if you added a similar background as well.

I like your chapter titles… a bit long, too.

Bonus [2/10]

I enjoyed your story too much. But I'd enjoy it even more if you had written those exact eight chapters, not just half of it hehe

You're my first review that will feature in the featuring list... and I'm not really famous for putting someone there, if you check my reviews... Actually I feel that I was too harsh on some stories that deserved to be there as well... I don't know.

Total: 90/100

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