KATH's POV

 

 

What is this feeling?

 

Sad?

 

Mad?

 

Disappointed?

 

Empty?

 

All of the above?

 

I think I've been staring on my food for like 10 minutes now. I am hungry. I feel my stomach grumbling. But I already loss my appetite.

"Hey!!"

I saw hands waving infront of my face. It was Jiyong's. I look at him and I saw his face wince. I know I'm looking at him with a deadpan expression. I can't help it. I am really feeling indifferent.

"Are you okay? You've been like that before I went to the restroom and now that I come back, you're still like that. Are you sick or something? You're just looking at your food."

"Oh, mian! I am just...."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.......full" I find my voice monotonous.

"Are you sure?"

I nodded.

"Araseo.."

I know he can feel that I am not in the mood right now. Jiyong knew me better than others.

There were silence. I was just looking at the view to keep myself busy and to ease my mind. We were not talking to each other and I know he can feel that I am not okay.

"Kath! What's going on? Are you mad or something? Are you not happy with my surprised? I mean I was able to keep one of my promise when we were still young" 

 

 

Promise?

 

 

Yeah....

 

 

I should be happy he was able to fulfill one of his promise. And I should feel grateful with this effort but I guess I expected too much. I thought it's the other one. I thought.......

I sighed, "Mianhae, Jiyongie! I know you prepared for this and I am really grateful for this. I love it. I swear. I was just....not in a good shape now. I am really sorry."

He smiled at me. A smile that didn't reach his eyes. Not the smile that I always love. He's sad, I know he is.

"I understand." he said. "Do you....want to go home now?"

I nodded. I know it seems like I am being ungrateful here and if Jiyong's fans will know about this, I'm sure I will get all the hate and they will kill me.

Honestly, I really wanted to enjoy this. But I don't know. I feel bipolar these days. One minute I am so happy then another minute I don't feel good. Plus, I was expecting something else. Arggghhh....

 

Nice one, Kath! You ruined everyone's night, yours and especially his!! And that's my conscience talking to me. 

 

The ride on the car is so heavy. We're not talking. !! I really ruined his night!!! I am such a selfish person!!

We've arrived at my dorm. My heart's heavy. I can't leave him like this.

"Yongie..."

He looked at me again with that sad smile. Why do I feel like we're breaking up? We're just friends but why do I feel like I am in a scene where an imminent break up is about to happen.

"I....

 

 

I swallowed.

 

 

"....I am really sorry. I ruined this night. This should be a great night but I turned it into this. I am really sorry. I know I disappoint you."

He messed up my hair, "Ani...don't think like that. I am okay. I understand. Don't think too much. Araseo?"

I nodded, "I'm really so...."

"Shhh...its okay. You may take a rest now. It's too late now."

"Ne..."

He opened that door for me. He hug me goodnight and then he leave.

I waited until he was gone before I went inside. I was feeling down and call me crazy or paranoid but I really got a bad feeling about something. I don't know what it was but that's what my gut feeling is telling me.

"Noona!!!"

I looked back and saw Zico on his car. I was about to go inside the dorm.

"Jiho-ya?"

He smiled at me and went out of his car.

"What are you doing here? It is late at night. And I thought you're busy?"

"I told you noona! When it comes to you, I always have time." then he winked.

"Aisssh!! That was so cheezy. It doesn't suit you."

"Noona..." he whined.

"Tch!! So what are you doing here?"

"Well, I just want to invite you for dinner."

"Dinner?" I looked at my watch and it is already 10:30 in the evening. "Dinner's done. It's already late"

"I just got out from a recording and I wasn't able to eat dinner yet. Please, can you accompany me?"

This guy's really a headache. I shook my head, "I am not hungry..." then my stomach grumbled.

Arrgghhh...my stomach betrayed me.

"Really, huh? With that grumbling stomach?"

I smiled innocently. Then he grabbed my hand and pull me to his car.

"I know you're hungry, noona. So don't be a kid there and just come with me to eat dinner"

I shook my head in defeat. I can't really win to this guy. He is so persistent. I sighed, "Araseo, araseo. I'll come, you don't need to drag me".

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*********

Few days had passed, I am dreading for the next live stage. It is fast approaching. Only 3 days left. I am worried but I am more worried with Jiyong.

After that night, Jiyong never message nor call me unless I am the one to call or text. Sometimes his reply were late. Well, I completely understand because he said he is busy. I know that because though they're done with their world tour, they still have their fan meeting.

But....the odd thing was during their world tour, there are no days where he will not message nor call me. If he can't call, he will always message me. So for me this is odd. Also, I was able to contact the other Bigbang members, especially TOP and Seungri. I always talk to them whether thru message or call. But everytime I call them, Jiyong was not with them.

What's going on? Is he mad because of that night?

No.... I already asked him and he assure me that he is not mad or anything. He is just busy as he said few days back. But whenever he answered my message it feels cold.

Aisshhh...that guy...

"Arrrggghhh...I am just being paranoid. This PMS is killing me!! I better sleep now..."

 

 

3:30 am

 

 

I looked at the time on my phone. I woke up suddenly because of an extreme pain on my lower abdomen. You know, it's the time of the month. I think that's the reason why I was so emotional these past few days as well.

Now, I am in pain. It to be a girl. Every month I get this kind of pain and emotional roller coaster.

I tried to put a pillow on my abdomen while laying on fetal position but it is all too much. Out of habit, I immediately press my speed dial 1 on my phone. It was just ringing. I tried to call the 2nd time but it is just ringing.

"Ughhh...it hurts..." the pain worsen.

I dialed again for the 3rd time. Finally, he answered.

"Ji...."

"WHAT??? It's freaking 3 in the morning. What do you want?"

I was taken aback. I looked at my phone to make sure I am dialing the correct number. I know it's his voice but he never screamed or yelled at me like that for calling this late before.

"I..."

"If you don't have anything to say, then let me sleep"

"N-ne...m-mian..." then I hang up.

"Is he drunk?" I thought.

This never happened before. He knew that when I call him out this late, something's happening. For the past 2 months, he was the one I always call whenever I am in pain. But....

"Ughhh....it really hurts...😵😵😵"

Here it goes again. I really can't take it anymore. I tried to call Daniel and Hye Sun-ah but no one's answering. They might be sleeping deeply.

I was about to call TOP but I remember even I called him, he's out of the country. They're in Chi