(Listening to Reason OST Autumn in My Heart)

She put her school bag down and sat herself at the edge of the the old bed. She couldnt feel anything around and even to breathe, it is hurt for her. 

Amber threw her sight out of the window as she stared at the sunlight. 

The image of her pretty friend  keep playing in her eyes. Those smiles, which always made her day even brighter than the sun and the stare that Krystal gave to her, which just happened a moment ago during school, was the reason she blew a sigh, trying hard to hold again her teary eyes from crying a river. 

The young girl laid her body on the mattress and closed her eyes tight. It was her first time, she felt she just lose something before she ask for it. She felt a total empty space inside her heart, where she doesnt know why. And finally, Amber bursted out her cries, as she cant hold no more. Between the sobs, she kept her hands close at the chest, slightly pressed it, hoping the pain will go away.

"Amber..." the sound of the cracking door being opened made the boyish wipe her tears as she shifted her position, backing the old woman, pretend to be asleep. 

"I know you well, Amber. How sad you feel, it may enlighten a bit if you share, sweetheart. Now tell your Helmoni, dont keep it secret," Madam Goo tried to assure her lovely girl as she sat herself on the bed and touched Amber's shoulders gently. It took a few moment for her to wait until the teenager turned her body around and faced the old woman. 

"How to embrace, Helmoni?" Amber asked and rose up from the bed. She stared at Madam Goo's wrinkled face, keeping her own expressions straight from crying again. "Krystal likes someone else, not me," 

And on the moment Helmoni caught Amber's sad eyes, her heart broken too. She was out of words to say. 

"You said, I just need to know how to embrace myself, if she cant return my love. But tell me why, it is hurts so much, even though I keep thinking how to get this away? Maybe I shouldnt confess and that would be better, just to be friends?" 

"Amber..." Helmoni caressed the grandchild's wet cheek with her old fingers. "You did well already and you were brave, my child. Dont think that way, cause you knew its gonna hurt you even more," she pulled Amber's head slowly into her chest, soothing the girl as she added again, 

"Time will teach you how to embrace this all. Just have faith in it. Let it go for a while, dear..." 

Amber sobbed harder as she hugged the women tight. Without opening her eyes, the young girl imagines and wishes all of the thing that happened just her night dream. Those pain will fade away when the day come out. And when the reality hits, her heart crushed again and again. 

***

Amber stepped into the hallway weakly. That morning, the boyish had walked into the school with her puffy eyes. Even though her burden heart couldnt take no more, she needs to conceal everything and act like nothing happen. So then, she decided to forget and let the sorrow disappear naturally. Just like what Helmoni had advised, embrace herself, that's all important. 

She looked around, still trying to find her best friend from the crowded situation. For the first time, Krystal who always reach school earlier than her, couldnt be found on that moment. Amber sighed a bit as she grabbed her backpack and finally made herself out from that space, heading straight to the classroom. 

"Yah, you sit here," Wun the fat boy warned the teenager as he saw Amber already sitting on the seat. "Krystal said, we switched back our seats," 

Amber just stared at the boy, taking a minute to catch up what he just uttered. Lazily picked up her bag, she rose up from the chair and walked forward to her old place. 

Oh good, now she didnt even want to sit beside me anymore. What a loser you've become Amber Liu, you made things awkward and worse...

Amber laid her head on the desk, letting her eyes stared at the outside view. Almost half of the class went all crazy with their jokes and laugh, but the messy hair girl still, blinking weakly at her seat. She feels the soul slowly escaping from her body and all she wants just some time on her own. 

"Good morning, everyone," the homeroom greeted her students for the first period with a calm voice, which caught Amber's attention at the back. She shifted her eyes on the front and managed to see Krystal from behind. The boyish's feeling hurt again as she realized the girl didnt even greet her before. 

"It will be two weeks more before the end of this term and next year all of you will graduate from middle school. I congratulate my students who worked hard for the exams and may the results turn out to be good though. So, before that, you need to know a few things for the upcoming term..." all the words from Mrs. Woo went it and out from Amber's ears, because she didnt focused well. She keep staring at her best friend's back, eyeing the long-black hair from afar, and with still a broken heart, Amber cant deny, she still in love with Krystal. 

***

"It should be nice if Amber can join us along. What do you think?" Myungsoo asked while smiling at his new brand girlfriend. They were having lunch at the school canteen with a few boys from his classmates and of course, they had became the hot issue after the dating rumors went viral around the school, so almost all the attention on both Krystal and Myungsoo. 

The younger girl went in silent and avoided her boyfriend's eye smile. 

"Hey, are you okay?" 

"Yeah," 

"Oh come on, you didnt sound like okay," 

"Its not important, dont bother about it," it was Krystal's answer. "She... must have work this evening, dont disturb her," 

The boy frowned in astonishment. The reply does sound not nice to him, but he didnt want to be nosy so he just nod his head instead. "Anything, if you say so..." 

***

He walked with Krystal on his right side when Amber greeted them from behind. They both stopped and turned around. 

"Oh hey buddy!" Myungsoo's face brighten as he saw the tomboy. "Where you've been? We've been looking for you around, you know," 

Amber just smiled at her basketball mate. "From gym for a few shots. Feel better now, Myung. What about you?" she secretly glanced at the other girl, hoping she will join their conversation. 

"Its always good, Ber. Krystal and me planning to hang out after this. Are you free to join?" replied the older boy. 

Krystal's silence made Amber even more sad than before. She ran to them, wishing Krystal would say something to her that day, but all she got just a cold stare and blank face. She started to regret everything on that moment. She hoped she didnt confess so they would be less awkward. And Kris words replayed in her mind, 

"I want you to remember that friendship is better than any other relationship. My dad used to tell me he had a big crush on his friend and for the sake of their good terms of friendship, he didnt confess. He said he was afraid that he might lose that best friend of him. Friends can last forever but couple can break over. Just assume this as an advice, a precious one for you, buddy. I dont want you to get hurt," 

I didnt deserve you more than just a friend, Krys... 

Amber forced a smile again, 

"No, I have work as usual, Captain. Go catch the cinema before its late, okay?" 

Myungsoo pouted as response and it was funny enough to make the short-hair girl laughed. "Gotta go know, Myung, Krys. See you guys later, bye," she tapped the boy's shoulder playfully and smiled at her best friend. 

Then, she left. 

__________________________________

If you ever feel the heartbroken, surely you should clearly understand. 

Thanks for reading, commenting, subscribing and also waiting me to update this story. It reached the now and ready to the next phase okay? Just wait for it^^

Knock knock for my love, 

RYAI