Tao is crying. All I can do is stare. My heart unwavered. I am so oblivious to the world around me. I had accidentally stumbled upon Tao's girlfriend breaking up with him. I didn't know he had a girlfriend and besides I thought he liked Na Hee. Apparently I was wrong. Of course I didn't stay to comfort him. I left. I'm not good at comforting people.

 "How heartless," Ice says, appearing out of nowhere. I ignore him. He glances at me, "I think we could be friends." I look at him in surprise," Friends?" After how much I offended him?  He nods, " Me and you as a couple? Please, that's not happening. You aren't even pretty. I mean look at your acne."  I ignore his obvious description of my face. "Maybe," he begins, "I might fall for you, but right now? No."

I clench my teeth, turning to face him," Don't even try. If you do I'll take your heart and smash it into smitherens." I pretend to crush something in my hand, opening my palms to let a fake wind blow the ashes away. Ice smirks, " My one and only  will always be Ha Na."  His eyes turn dangerous, "And if you ever say her name to taunt me again, I'll kill you."

          During lunch everyone notices Tao's dark mood. "What's wrong Tao?" Chen asks. At first Tao doesn't answer. "M-my girlfriend broke up with me," he sputters. His voice is a little babyish. A tear breaks loose from his eyes. I sigh. Haru looks concerned and Na Hee comforts him by patting him on the back. "Cheer up," Baekhyun adds, " you'll find another girl."  "Is that even the right thing to say?" Suho whispers to Baekhyun.  "She wasn't worth it," Kris says instead. Their words don't help because Tao bursts into more tears.

While the boys are preoccupied, Na Hee and Haru sidle up to me. "How about it?" Haru says, "why don't you give poor Tao a try? He won't hurt you." I blush, I'm sure they noticed, but they gave no indication of knowing I had a crush on Tao. "No thanks," I say, countering, "and what about you and Luhan, Na Hee?"  It's Na Hee's turn to turn bright red, "D-don't be ridiculous! Luhan and I are just..." her voice fades as she comes up with no excuse.

Haru starts doing aegyo to me. "Come on Eun Jung! If you won't date Tao how about a cute bunny? It won't bite. It's a start, right?"  I brush away her cute acting,"Not even a bunny," I say with finality.  Taek Gu suddenly wiggles his way into the conversation, deciding it was too troublesome to stop Tao's tears. He grins at me, reminding me of the boy that I first meet. Bad and out to get Na Hee.

"What?" Na Hee asks him. Taek Gu points a finger at me. "You act so cold Eun Jung. Is it because you secretly hope it will attract guys or are you that cold hearted and stubborn?"   "Stubborn," I answer, wondering what he was getting at. By now all of Exo are listening to our conversation. I shrink at the attention. Focus on Tao, I silently tell them.

"What I mean," continues Taek Gu, " is that no guy will be attracted to you because of your looks. If you don't plan of staying single for the rest of your life, one: you better start putting more effort into yourself and two: you better hope your personality gets through to them." I wonder why he is telling me this. Sehun has the exact same thought and asks Taek Gu what I was thinking. "Why are you telling Eun Jung all that stuff?"

Taek Gu smoothes back his hair, "We're Exo. Have you all seriously not noticed that everyone in Exo is handsome? I don't mean to be rude, but Eun Jung is the only one who is not pretty."  "Your point?" Na Hee growls in my defense. "My point," Taek Gu says,"is that we give Eun Jung a makeover!"   Haru claps her hands, "That's a great idea!"

"But what if Eun Jung doesn't want to do it?" Chen asks, ever considerate. "I don't," I speak up.   "Why not?" Haru and Taek Gu asks. I take a deep breath. Only my sisters knew my reasons and now so will Exo. I'm either starting to trust them more or I'm going crazy.

I stand up, placing my hands against the lunch table, with palms facing down. "I'll only say this once," I warn as I prepare myself, "so listen closely." Everyone leans foward. I mutter something very fast. "There, I told you."

"What was that!" everyone shouts in protest. "I couldn't hear you," Xiumin exclaims. "Say it again," Chanyeol commands. I try not to laugh. Of course the first time had been a trick. "Okay," I relent, "I'll do it for real this time, so listen carefully." I inhale.

"ThetruthisthatIdon'twantboystolikeandnoticemesoImakemyselflooklikethisonpurposebesidesthefactthati'mjustplainlazyThat'swhyikeepmyacne. DressingbadlyandbeingcoldandquietandkeepingthesepimplesallofmyevilschemetostaysinglefortherestofmylifetjajljwiojfjljfosjosoanywaysIguessthatisaboutitformyexplanation. ThisisallbesidesthefactthatIprobablydon'tknowhowtodressnicelybutletsnotgetintothat. BesidesIdon'tlikewearingdresses...." and I run out of breath. My face is flushes from the exertion and I tried to say everything in one breath.

Everyone just gives me a blank look...........................

"What?" they all exclaim as one when I'm done. "I only heard the last part," states Chanyeol.  "I heard something about acne," Haru pipes. "Did you say evil?" Xiumin asks. Kai throws up his hands in defeat, " I have no clue at all."  "I gave up when you started talking," Sehun adds.  "Wait! so you said that you don't want to get a makeover because of thererjoouijflfljfoiwjopqjfafjoeoap you're lazy," Taek Gu tries to clarify.  "One more time, but more slowly," Tao says, forgetting all about his break up.

I sit down," I already said it twice, too bad. You should've listened better." 

"Is it me or is the real Eun Jung starting to come out?" Luhan asks outloud.

          Well, it's a relief I won't be getting a makeover, but the replacement isn't any better. Again i'm walking home with Tao, alone. Maybe it's just me, but were the others setting us up or is Tao interested in me? No. No way. That cannot and will not be possible. I refuse.

"I've been wondering," Tao starts, breaking the awkward silence, "Why did you...cry that time?" I look up at him, "What time? Oh--" as soon as I ask I remember. "You mean in the other world when you attacke me."  I wince a little when I realize that Tao may still be sensitive about that. He grimaces, "Uh...yeah. Why did you cry?"  I'm a little embarassed to have been caught crying, but I answer truthfully. "I don't know." [Yeah, you guys must be confused. I left out a part of the story because I thought it was a little too weird, but I guess I should go back and add it back in.]

He eyes me, "You don't know?"  I nod, " I don't know why I cried, but it saved me. Maybe it was a defense mechanism."  "Against me," Tao adds gravely. "Uh...yeah," I reply.

He tilts his head, bleached blond hair brushing his eyes, "And what about the other time?"  I visibly gulp. I don't like where this is going. I'm starting to get that familiar uncomfortable feeling. The feeling of being supressed, of being pushe towards somewhere I don't like. At first I don't answer.

"You don't have to answer!" Tao says hurridly, " I-I was just curious."   "You already know why," I reply. He blinks in puzzlement. "I do?"  I stare at him, willing for him to figure it out. It was pretty obvious if you think about it. I quit hanging out with them, Na Hee goes missing, I saw what happened and did nothing. Finally I tell Exo and they get mad at me, I leave feeling fustrated and angry at myself. Is it not obvious enough? Tao even caught me crying.   Now that I think about it, what was doing out there?

Tao gives up, "I still don't know."  I just sigh. Like I'm just going to tell anyone, especially Tao, my problems.   Curious I ask him in return,"And what were you doing there?"   "I thought you might have felt...how do I say it...hated?"  I narrow my eyes at him, "So you do know."  He grins, "I guess I know now." We lapse into silence again.

"Do you have something against me Eun Jung?" Tao asks out of nowhere. Why is he suddenly asking me something like that? I don't think I've ever done anything to show I hated him, so why the question? "Why do you ask?" I say.  "I've noticed for a while now, but you tend to avoid me. You don't really talk to me," he replies. I shift the weight of my bookbag, "Uh, I don't talk to anyone alot, not even everyone in Exo."  Tao has an embarassed look on his face. "Well, you do avoid me more." 

I stare at the ground. "Yeah, I guess I do," I admit, "...." the whole world seems to have stopped as I say the final words, "Because I hate you."  It's not a lie. It's the mirror to my truth.

Tao completely freezes in place. I almost stop, but keep walking. It's out, the truth. The silence is shattered. "Why do you hate me? What have I done?" he asks, his eyes flashing hurt. I sigh. Way to ruin my cold hearted evil walking away act. I can't help feeling bad. I hate him, but not enough to define hate. I don't know Tao that well, but he's....I don't know.

I sigh, "Okay, okay, that was a lie." Tao still looks hurt, but now it has turned into sulking. He walks over, "Why---"  I stop him before he can finish. Seeing him relieved...kind of irks me.  "I don't hate you. I dislike you."  He stops again. I can't help ruining it for him. I think I maybe a little sadistic. I don't want him to have hopes or think it's okay to talk to me now. It's not.

He pouts, "Stop teasing me!" I make bored eyes at him, "I'm not." This time I leave him behind.