Peek (i)

Sunlight trickles over me as I stand waiting at the train station for Daehyun. It’s breezy despite the bright sun, the trees rustling every now and then as I keep a look out for Daehyun. We’re going on a date to a carnival that just opened up in town, as agreed on last week.

I guess this is our first official date. I knead my hands at the thought, rocking on the balls of my feet like a child. Ever since we got together, we haven't really had a chance to go out beyond going to study as that period was pretty busy with tests and whatnot.

But our study date right after we confessed to each other should be our first date, right? I bury my face into my hands and groan. Gosh, why'd I suggest to go and study right after such a heavy conversation? My mind really wasn't thinking straight. I'm still embarrassed over that. I know Daehyun and I are close so we've seen each other in less-than-pleasant states but every time I think about how I left the house with Daehyun that day in some washed-out T-shirt and poofy hair... I feel like slapping myself.

I press down my hair. It's weird how much I paid attention to my dressing today. Usually, Himchan has to nag me to throw on something nice other than a plain shirt and jeans. He'd helped me with my outfit today, forcing me to send him photos of every clothes I had in my cupboard. He proceeded to yell at me through text message for being so boring, all capital letters flooding our chat. Still, even with my supposedly disastrous wardrobe, Himchan managed to make my outfit look good. He paired my jeans shorts with a light green fitting T-shirt (what he made me buy a long time ago), finishing off with my black canvas shoes. The shirt's kind of tight and thin so I hesitated on wearing it, seeing as my body is in pretty bad shape, but Himchan threatened to choke me if I didn't wear what he ordered.

Shouldn't tight shirts be worn by guys with good physique? I mean, I really have nothing to show off... I uncomfortably tug at my shirt as the notion bugs me. I tend to wear baggy shirts to cover up my lack therof; it's more comfortable too. Fitting shirts like this should be worn by guys like Daehyun who actually have a nice body to flaunt.

I flush at the thought. Daehyun and I have had a few sleepovers but the other day, while I slept with him in the same bed, I woke up with my palm against his stomach. As I roused, I started feeling whatever it was I was touching and finally opened my eyes fully to Daehyun's wide-awake face and my hand on his abs. Compared to Daehyun's firm stomach, mine's all tubby and squishy.

Biting on my lips in hopes of making them a little more red, a middle-aged man looks to me just as I begin chomping on my upper lip. I turn away hurriedly and scuttle to a more secluded location. Daehyun apologised and told me he'd be running late about 5 minutes ago so it's best if I stay here and wait. Where I was just now was getting a little crowded since a lot of others are coming to the carnival.

I got Daehyun a pink cap as a small gift. He mentioned he dropped his only cap into the mud a week ago while playing soccer with his teammates. We tried scrubbing the stain off but since the cap was white, there was still a mark left. I realised that day that Daehyun's quite thrifty when it comes to himself--he didn't mind wearing it still despite the large blot in the middle. I sort of assumed he would get a new one, considering how fashionable he is.

My phone buzzes, Himchan's message flashing on the screen. YOO YOUNGJAE, DID YOU WEAR THE SHIRT?

I did, I type back. Thanks for helping me pick it out, hyung. (^o^)

You're in a good mood, aren't you? Using those emoticons when they don't match you at all. I can just imagine Himchan making a disgusted expression. And I don't believe you. Send me a selfie.

I don't want to, I type back with a frown.

Is this how you repay me after I stayed up last night analysing your useless wardrobe? Send me a selfie.

I groan. Himchan really did go out of his way to help me pick out an outfit and I'm very grateful for that, so I guess I owe him this one.

I don't know how to take a selfie, I whine. Nonetheless, I bring up my phone, adjusting the angle and taking a picture of myself awkwardly.

I cringe at my photo and quickly send it over, deleting it from both my phone and the chat.

My phone vibrates some seconds later. You look really cute. I wish I was there to see you. Oh, my beautiful son!

Wow, being nice for once, hyung, I reply.

I'm always nice. Anyway, have fun with Daehyun. :)

My lips curl as I put away my phone. Although we joke and tease each other a lot, Himchan is a honestly kind person. Even though I know things are still awkward between Himchan and Daehyun, he's still so supportive to help me when I was mulling over what to wear.

Himchan sends me another text message. Youngjae?

Yeah, hyung?

I don't know if I'm seeing wrong but well, your shirt...

Does it look bad on me? I knew I shouldn't have worn it out, I fret, evening out my sleeves. Do I really look that bad that Himchan would regret his decision? I won't be able to go back and change, seeing as the carnival is half an hour away from my place.

It's not that it looks bad, Himchan briskly answers.

Then?

I'm anxiously fiddling with my shirt and pulling at the fabric so it's less tight. Himchan takes a while to reply.

Your blinkers.

My what? I furrow my brows.

Rubber buds.

What the heck are you talking about, hyung? I type back. Why is he spamming me with such random words?

It's then that my phone rings. I pick up Himchan call and just as I'm about to greet him, he yells at me.

"Your s, Yoo Youngjae!"

I blink. "My..." I repeat, craning my neck down to examine my chest.

"Look for yourself," Himchan coughs, trying to muffle a laugh. I blink once, twice at my chest before scampering to the bathroom.

I stare at the two protruding nubs through my shirt, conveniently poking out with no shame. Oh god, why didn't I notice them? I was so focused on my tummy area when I adjusted my shirt... From above, it doesn't look too obvious either.

Oh no. I glance around the bathroom and prod at them, making an incoherent noise over the phone. I try shifting my shirt but it's too tight to make a difference.

"Hyung," I panic, "what do I do? How do I get rid of them?"

"Through surgery."

"Hyung! I mean, how do I hide them? I can't meet Daehyun like this!" I embarrassedly whine, checking warily for anyone entering the bathroom as I press shamelessly on my chest. Daehyun's going to laugh at me; how do I got out in public with them so obvious? Ugh, if only I brought my cardigan along...

"You're asking me how to make your ta-tas recede?" Himchan begins roaring with laughter, not at all sympathetic about my plight.

"Hyung, stop laughing! They're so obvious..."

"Youngjae, your nips are there for a reason," Himchan finally calms down from his chortles. "Don't expect them to not show up when they live on your chest. Unless you want them to scatter elsewhere."

"Stop it," I stifle a laugh, quickly dropping back into worry and sheer embarrassment. "Himchan, help!"

"What's so wrong about showing the world your nips? They're natural, Youngjae. We've literally passed like a thousand guys with their moobs suffocated by their shirts!"

"I know, but... it's embarrassing for me!" I mope. I continue pressing down on them and sigh when it does absolutely nothing, instead flattening the shirt to make it more obvious than before. I pull at my shirt to create more space between the fabric and my chest. I can't walk out and meet Daehyun when I have two things poking their way out my shirt...

"Daehyun won't care, Youngjae. He's a dude. You're a dude. It's natural."

"Still..." I exhale. I lower my hands and jolt when someone enters the bathroom. After he enters the cubicle, I scrutinise my reflection in the mirror. Well, they... are a natural phenomenon.

"Do not deny your s the right to be seen, heard and respected!" Himchan bellows over the phone.

"You’re not helping!” I erupt with laughter as Himchan's obnoxious guffaw floods my ear.

"Don't worry about it, Youngjae. Seriously. If Daehyun makes fun of you for it, I'll punch him so he won't be able to tell anyone. Deal?"

"Even if he doesn't tell, the dozens of other people at the carnival will see me anyway," I chuckle.

Himchan releases a phenomenal groan. "They're going to spare you a glance, be like "I can see that dude's s" and walk off. That's it."

Well… I think to myself before heaving. Yeah, Himchan's right. It's not a big deal, I guess. Daehyun's more mature than me so I doubt he'll ridicule me for it. I lower my hands and cringe still at the sight.

I mumble, "I've never really had this kind of problem before."

"Because you wear thick shirts twice your size or those stupid sweaters in thirty degrees celsius," Himchan drawls. "Now that you're showing off your bod, your nips want some of the action too."

I snort. "I regret following your advice."

"Why not? You have a y bod," Himchan coos, to which I feign throwing up. Just then, I get a message from Daehyun, littered with apologies and promising to reach in a few minutes.

"I better go, Himchan-hyung. Daehyun's reaching soon." I take one last glance at my reflection and comb my hair neatly.

"Okay. Have fun, Jae." Himchan pauses for a moment. "Maybe we can go together to the carnival some time before it leaves."

"Didn't you already go with Hongki and Jieun?" I return.

"Yeah, but... nevermind."

"Let's go together when you're free, then," I suggest.

"Yeah, okay." I can already hear the happiness dripping from Himchan's voice. It fills me with warmth to know he'd be glad to go with me--especially after all that's happened.

"Thanks for the help, hyung. I'll talk to you tonight!"

After cutting the call, I tug at my shirt to expand it a little. I briskly exit the bathroom, still feeling exposed thanks to my uncooperative chest. No, Daehyun probably wouldn't pay attention anyway. I’m just overreacting. Like Himchan said, they’re natural, so Daehyun wouldn’t even spare them a glance.

With that confidence boost, I go back to lounging in the corner, trying not to focus on my faulty attire. It's silly for me to get worked up over something so small.

"Youngjae!"

I whip my head over to see Daehyun jogging over. It takes one second for me to turn breathless, tingles dancing all over my cheeks. Clad in an ed plaid shirt and a striped tee underneath, Daehyun looks, as always, stunning. Everything looks good on him.

And it takes two seconds for my arms to fly up over my chest, covering the angry nubs protruding through my shirt. Oh god, I take it back. I can't go out on a date with my boyfriend and not bother about the fact that my s can be seen so obviously through my shirt!

"Youngjae, I'm so sorry," Daehyun pants as he skids to a stop. He holds out a single stalk of rose and breathes, "I got you a bouquet of orchids but I realised it’d be a hassle to carry around. And people might..."

He drifts off. "So I made a detour and got you a rose instead. Sorry for being late." Daehyun clears his throat and glances around, pulling back his hand. Luckily, we're blocked by the wall, so I doubt anyone would have seen Daehyun holding the rose out to me.

I gaze at the single flower in Daehyun's hand before muffling a laugh, sunshine b in my chest. Warmth finds its natural place on my cheeks as I reluctantly reach out my hand with one arm still slung over my chest.

"Thank you, Daehyun. That's really sweet of you. " I rummage through my backpack and hand Daehyun his gift, promptly covering up myself once more. "Here. Because clumsy you dirtied your only one."

"Oh! You got me a cap." Daehyun's eyes innocently fill with awe and he immediately puts it on after admiring it. "Thank you. Does it look nice on me?" He wears a teasing smile, his voice quite monotonous despite his joke.

"Nope." I grin back as Daehyun chuckles. He tenderly pinches my cheek and I whine.

"Shall we go?"

"Okay."

I keep my arms crossed as Daehyun urges me towards the stop light with an arm loose around my waist, lingering for longer than it should. Daehyun doesn't seem to notice my odd stance, arms crossed higher than they should be. I know I said it wasn't a big deal but now, I'm getting more and more nervous about Daehyun seeing it. I can't just proudly walk around like this without feeling embarrassed!

Daehyun lets go of me and his eyes swiftly rake down my figure. Instantly, his eyes comically dart back up.

“Do I look bad?” I ask.

“No, no!” Daehyun nearly yells in return, panic scrawling over his face. “Pretty! You’re pretty!”

A few girls standing in front of us whip their heads towards us. Daehyun coughs, “Pretty… tall?”

I blink at him and muffle back my laughter, a pleased smile blooming over Daehyun’s lips.

“That was a really bad save.”

“I thought it was good. Pretty… good,” Daehyun says. I let out a phenomenal groan as he chuckles.

“You’re so lame.”

Daehyun lowers his voice and mumbles, “But I mean it. You look really handsome.”

Daehyun always compliments me but even now, it still ignites a blush over my cheeks. “Thank you. You look really good,” I whisper back. At least now I stopped the annoying habit of rejecting his praises.

The green light flashes and Daehyun reaches out for my arm. He grasps my wrist but I adamantly refuse to lower my hands, Daehyun looking to me in slight confusion. He lets go