Okay

Staring into the mirror blankly, I tug at my shirt, letting out a soft sigh and glancing to the clock. Yongguk’s father will be here soon; I better hurry.

Himchan stopped spamming my inbox since this morning. His last message went I won’t disturb you anymore. Just know I’m really sorry, Youngjae.

I haven’t replied any of the messages or picked up his calls. Am I being petty? I’m honestly still hurt after what happened. 

I squint at the mirror, prodding at the my face. Why are my cheeks so chubby? I squish them adamantly, hoping they’ll magically disappear. I wish I was more handsome. Like Daehyun or Himchan. They look so smart while I look like this. Really, no one will ever like me.

Speaking of Himchan… I wonder if he’ll be going for the play. I pull out my phone, deliberating over texting him, before deciding to just screw it.

Are you coming?

After a moment, my phone vibrates.

Don’t feel up for it. You go ahead and have fun.

I'm sorry for what happened, Youngjae. I really am.

Himchan was raving all about this play just a few weeks ago, telling me how he’s going to try and distract Sunhwa on stage. He was so excited for this; he kept convincing me to go. He probably doesn’t want to go only because I’ll be going for it.

You should come. I won’t be angry. I type back with a sigh.

I'm still angry with him, but to be honest, I'm more angry at myself.

I know, Jae. Have fun there.

“Youngjae,” my mother cooes, patting my head as I put away my phone.

I smile as she yelps, apologetically combing my hair back upon messing it up. They have to attend a seminar over the next few days, so the company gave them somewhat of a time off to prepare for it, since it was a hasty and impromptu decision.

“I’m sorry we can’t send you to the play,” my mother says. I shake my head, glancing to my father who leans by the door frame.

“Looking good, boy.”

“Thanks, Appa,” I chuckle, taking my wallet and phone. “I wish I could send you both off at the airport.”

“What are we, five?” My father snorts, patting me on the head.

My mother hisses at him and combs my hair again. It’s been a long time since we were all together. I really miss us being like this.

“You can come pick us up, though. We want to show our colleagues how handsome our son is,” my mother laughs.

My father grins. “Rub it in Hyunsuk’s face. He’s always talking about how his son looks just like him.”

My phone rings and I hastily head for the door, picking up the phone. “Sorry, hyung! I’ll be down in a second!”

I turn back and wave to my parents quickly. “Bye Appa, bye Omma!”

Dashing out to the main road, I hurriedly swing myself into the car.

“Sorry!” I blubber, panting as I shut the door.

Yongguk’s father laughs deeply, waving off the apology. “It’s fine. We came here earlier than expected.”

I bow to Yongguk’s father, meekly waving to Yongguk as he grins back through the mirror. Wow, Yongguk looks even better than usual with that long sleeved shirt hugging his lean figure. I didn’t think he could be more attractive than he already is.

“Rocking those clothes, huh, Youngjae?” Yongguk compliments as I flush, murmuring out incoherent ‘no’s.

I turn to Daehyun, my lips naturally melting into a smile. He’s wearing a dress shirt along with a sweater vest, complementing his thick built.

“Hi,” I start, remembering the sweet parts of yesterday with Daehyun. Daehyun flutters his eyelashes, lifting his stare from his lap and glancing at me briefly.

“Hey,” he murmurs, voice more monotonous than usual. Is he okay?

Daehyun veers his head away, staring out of the window. I decide to leave him alone, worry toiling in my tummy. He looks troubled and almost depressed.

The car ride to the auditorium is rather quiet, Yongguk’s father making remarks while Yongguk laughs along. The atmosphere seems so tense and down. Yongguk keeps glancing back at us while Daehyun continues to bore his eyes through the window.

When we alight, bidding Yongguk’s father goodbye, Yongguk stretches himself, eyes quickly glancing back and forth between me and Daehyun.

“You two,” Yongguk chuckles awkwardly, “why so down?”

I glance up at Yongguk, not understanding his words till he points at my eyes. “You alright?” He asks gently, squeezing my shoulder. 

Right, my eyes are still puffy after my embarrassing sobbing from yesterday…

“Y-Yeah. It’s just… sore eyes,” I lie, not wanting Yongguk to feel obliged to worry for me.

I look to Daehyun in consternation. “Daehyun, are you okay?” I ask softly.

Daehyun keeps his eyes rooted to the ground. “Yeah,” he manages out, turning away.

I look up at Yongguk, hoping for some answers, only to receive a forlorn and confused expression in return.

“Anyway,” Yongguk laughs forcedly, “my father can’t pick us up because he has work. So all in favour for cabbing back? It’ll be real late by the time the play ends.” Daehyun and I nod, us sinking into an awkward silence.

We saunter into the hall, Daehyun with his shoulders slouched. We find our seats as my eyes scours the place for Himchan. He really didn’t come… stupid him. Daehyun goes into the row first while I wait for Yongguk to move in. He stares down at me and steps back, nudging me forward.

“I want the corner seat,” Yongguk elaborates. “Needa go pee often. Bladder ain’t strong.”

I grimace with a laugh. “Too much information, hyung.”

I settle down, sneakily glimpsing at Daehyun. He keeps staring down at the floor. I want to ask him again if there’s something wrong but he doesn’t want to tell me; I shouldn’t make him feel uncomfortable and into his privacy.

I’m really worried, though…

The lights go out and I sink back into the seat, smiling softly when Hyosung emerges. Gosh, the story is so heartwrenching. All the actors and actresses act so well. Watching Romea and Juliet get pulled apart, both of them shrieking and bawling for one another, just sends a jolt through my heart.

Yongguk slips out of the theatre about halfway through, whispering something about a toilet break just as I turn to him. Veering my head back, I meet Daehyun’s eyes for a split second before he hurriedly looks back to the stage.

I try to hold in my tears as Romea slowly approaches Juliet, falling to her knees upon finding her dead. Hyosung’s acting is amazing. She starts to wail grievously, her hands trembling as she clutches at her lover’s corpse. Something light touches my cheek and I find Daehyun wiping away my tears, still not looking at me.

“Thank you,” I meekly whisper. He silently nods while I calm my breaths. Maybe I’m crying because of yesterday. Himchan, you idiot… I never thought you would be the type to discriminate against someone because of something so uncontrollable like ual orientation. Who wouldn’t want to be straight if they could, to save them all the trouble of the hate they’re going to receive?

Himchan, I thought better of you, really… You were always someone I respected highly, no matter how many times I mocked you and we threw insults at one another. I always call you too talkative for your own good, but truthfully, I’ve always admired the way you can talk so fluently without feeling nervous. I always call you weird and overly touchy but I’ve always liked the way you held me because it lets me know we’re just like brothers.

To think our years of friendship will go down the drain all because Himchan thinks I’m gay… it just makes all our memories feel like there’s no weight at all.

The lights start to seep in before I know it, the whole hall exploding into a standing ovation. Yongguk still hasn’t returned from the toilet. I wonder where he disappeared off to, that boy.

“Shall we go?” I breathe, quite nervous to be left alone with a moody Daehyun. He nods quietly and we follow the swarm, some friends of Daehyun catching him on the way out. He merely smiles at them as they greet him cheerily before they let him go, him retaining his silence.

“Yongguk said he went to the bathroom,” I mumble, whipping out my phone to dial for him. Just then, I notice a message from Yongguk.

Hey kiddo! Plays aren’t really my style so I left first, lol. You and Daehyun go home together. Be safe!

“He ditched us,” I mumble. Daehyun hums.

“Let’s go flag for a taxi,” I say, glancing up at the dark night sky. It’s already eleven. Omma and Appa have already boarded their flight.

Daehyun and I walk silently to the road, me putting out a hand and glancing for any free taxis. I sneak a few peeks at Daehyun, sighing inwardly to see him still downcast and staring at the floor.

“Daehyun,” I start gently, “are you alright? You seem kind of down.”

“It’s nothing,” Daehyun replies listlessly. It seems to be the end of the conversation till Daehyun suddenly speaks again.

“Congratulations.”

“Huh?” I tilt my head to the right in question. Daehyun still doesn’t meet my eyes.

“Your girlfriend,” Daehyun whispers. “She’s pretty.”

I grimace almost instantly the moment Daehyun says that. God, how embarrassing. This will probably be the coolest I’ve ever been to Daehyun, and it’s a misunderstanding. Great.

“I’m not dating,” I murmur quietly. Daehyun glances to me questioningly. “My friend set me up on a date,” I confess, sighing lengthily. “I didn’t even know. I wasn’t even interested in finding a girlfriend and he suddenly sprang that on me.”

“Really?” Daehyun asks. “But why would he do that?”

Way to leap into the forest fire of shame, Youngjae. Might as well go all the way down.

“He’s worried, I guess. I’m ugly, nothing special, too quiet, so he’s afraid I won’t get a girlfriend,” I hum back, squinting down the road for a taxi. Of course, I can’t divulge to Daehyun how Himchan’s really just scared I’m gay for him.

“Pathetic, huh? I’m too much of a loser that my friend needs to step in for me to get a date. I wasn’t looking for a girlfriend, but I guess her rejecting me just confirms that I’m never going to find someone.” I laugh, barely even realising how disheartening the words are until Daehyun places a hand over my shoulder.

I stare up at Daehyun, him finally looking me in the eyes and maintaining eye contact for the first time tonight. “Don’t say things like that about yourself,” Daehyun firmly states, brows furrowed into a stern look. Why does he sound so upset? It’s true anyway.

“Daehyun, really, it’s okay,” I chuckle for good measure, hoping to ease his crossed eyebrows. “I know what I am.” He doesn’t let me continue and frowns even harder.

“It’s not okay,” Daehyun states. “Youngjae,” he veers me to face him, I retracting my outstretched hand hesitantly. He stares intensely into my eyes and I nervously look back at him, feeling uncomfortable at how smouldering his pupils are. “You don’t know how amazing you are.”

I swear my entire body freezes the moment Daehyun says that, as though everything just switched off for that second. Daehyun really knows what to say to make a girl’s heart flutter… I mean, right now, even as a boy, I feel like I just got swept off my feet.

“You don’t know, maybe, someone out there… could have loved you for years. Could have never looked at anyone else but you. Somebody probably thinks you’re the most beautiful person they’ve ever met, and wants to protect you to the ends of this earth.” I’ve never seen Daehyun speak so rapidly before. His speeches are always slow, hesitant and concise, and the only time I ever heard him speak lengthily was that time when I slept over at his house. Even then, he had mused over his words carefully, speaking quietly.

Daehyun is really too nice. The way he says it is so sincere that it makes me believe for a second that maybe I’ll find someone who thinks I’m good enough for them. I slowly pry Daehyun’s fingers off me, hoping the heat that’s clawing all the way up to my neck doesn’t show itself.

“D-Daehyun.” Good job, I just stuttered for whatever reason, I don’t know. “Thanks, but really, that’ll never happen-”

“Youngjae,” he cuts in, tightening his grip on my hand. I’ve truly never seen Daehyun so resolute and bold. Every time I think he’s impeccable enough, he shows me he has way more charms than I can ever hope to count. “I don’t want you to think even for a second that no one loves you. That no one will love you,” he coughs.

“Why can’t you see yourself as you really are?” His voice lowers and I part my lips, unable to say anything else. The night starry sky with the b city lights paints Daehyun in a way I can’t seem to grasp at that point, and now I’m left here wondering what it’d be like to be Daehyun’s love. She would certainly have the world in her hands.

Now I feel like an attention hog wallowing in self-pity, begging for Daehyun’s consolation. I glance away, not knowing what to say, and then I notice how tightly Daehyun is gripping my hand. He follows my gaze and lets go, apologetically lowering his head.

“Sorry.” He puts out a hand to try and flag down a cab, like what I’d been doing just now. “Your friend shouldn’t have done that,” he mutters.

I nod quietly. “...Truthfully, I’m angry at him,” I admit. Daehyun looks at me, expression softening.

“Did you cry yesterday?” He asks. “Your eyes were swollen when you got into the car.”

Was it that obvious? Yongguk noticed it too…

I deny it with a quick shake of the head, mustering up a smile. “Just sore eyes. Don’t worry about me. What… about you?”

“Huh?” Daehyun returns.

“You looked upset just now,” I mention. Daehyun stares at me before he smiles just barely. “I’m okay.”

“You can tell me anything,” I urge. Daehyun seems to mull over the prospect. unfocused, misty eyes darting from one of my pupils to the other, before assuring me he has it under control with a nod. It’s unfair that he comforted me and I can’t even offer anything in return.

Just then, a cab cruises up to us. Daehyun holds open the door for me to get in first before swinging in. “Daeyoung,” Daehyun says, shutting the door. The taxi driver starts asking about the route to take and Daehyun easily tells him what road to go down. Somehow, I feel like if I were his girlfriend, I’d be really safe in Daehyun’s hands. Just from the way he decisively gives directions…

Okay, I am being hella creepy right now. Daehyun glances to me and I hurriedly look away, pretending to be interested in the many neon signs flashing down the streets. They stream into the vehicle, Daehyun’s head still inclined towards me.

He slips out a pen from his back pocket and scribbles on his hand. Curiously, I glance over to see taxi, city lights, looking out window on his palm. Inspiration, perhaps?

Agh, I’m being a busybody. We sit in silence as the radio blares some romance classics, like Big Bang’s Lies and Taeyang’s Wedding Dress. My phone buzzes in my pocket. I take it out to see a message from Himchan.

Is it over? Are you on your way home?

I let out a soft breath, sinking into a frown at the name. Yeah.

The next message comes, but I put away my phone without a second glance. Daehyun catches my actions and shifts closer. “If you’re still frustrated,” Daehyun says, “you can talk to me about it.”

“It’s okay,” I assure Daehyun, glancing out of the window. Quietness swarms around us for a while. The night splashes against the windscreen, pretty lights trailing down the road.

“I can bring you somewhere.”

I turn to Daehyun as he clears his throat. “It’s a place I always go when I’m upset. It’s not too far from your place; it’s the bridge at