Nice (ii)
(double update, 52 & 53)

After what happened yesterday, I've been feeling really horrible. Heechul's words have been thumping in the back of my mind since last night but thankfully, I manage to fall asleep. It's kind of pathetic but I got so tired from crying that I knocked myself out.

I've never had someone be so blunt to me before. Did I anger Heechul somehow? Now that I think about it, during our first meeting with Aaron, he seemed to be watching me really intently as compared to Aaron. I thought maybe it was because Aaron looked really disinterested with him, so he decided to focus his attention on someone who would listen, but I guess I thought wrong...

For the second meeting with the drama club, I saw him glance at me every once in a while, but I thought perhaps he was just familiarising himself with the unknown students like me. Did I say something wrong for him to have gotten so angry with me? His words were so strong; I can't help but think I offended him in some way.

I should apologise, shouldn't I? The fact remains that I'm still very much spineless and I'm nothing but a bootlicker who people dump all the work to, but I must have annoyed him somehow for him to have snapped when we didn't know each other personally.

Okay, I think I'll ask him if I did anything wrong and apologise for it. Maybe he really just thought I was pathetic and did me a favour by opening my eyes.

I really don't want to go for the meeting today. Just walking the hallways today made me feel so horrid. I feel like a laughing stock wherever I go. Does everyone think of me like how Heechul does? How long have people thought that way about me? Maybe I've been walking about so obliviously like an utter idiot for three years. I'm not nice; I'm just an idiot.

I should just stop thinking abot it. I half-heartedly scribble down the last of my notes as the teacher files out of the class, the room resounding with chatter. Someone taps on my table and I glance up to look at Aaron, staring down at me with a prominent look of worry.

I churn out a small smile, sending him a questioning look with my brows raised. Even so, Aaron lets out a sigh and questions, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, why?” I return, stuffing my books into my bag. Aaron continues peering intently at me and I uncomfortably shift back, finding an excuse to turn around as I rest my bag on my chair.

“You look really down, man,” Aaron gingerly remarks, rubbing awkwardly at his shoulder. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” I assure, purposely glancing behind him to the clock. “Hey, Younha-noona says she wants us to be there as early as we can today. Let's go.”

Aaron nods slowly after a prolonged moment, sparing me another glance before wandering off to pack his things. I press my lips together and fall back into my seat, resting my head against the table.

I feel like utter crap. I can't believe I even used the campaign meeting to distract Aaron when I can't even bring myself to go there. Should I just fake sick? Since Aaron noticed I'm looking moody, I can give him the excuse that I'm not feeling well and just head back home.

But how many times can I act like I'm sick? It's not as though this will be the only meeting. What more, I'm the exco member for the publishing team. I'm being stupid. It's not as if avoiding Heechul will help; it just proves his point that I have no backbone.

A hand prods into my line of sight and Sunyoung crouches down, lightly grasping my shoulder. Offering me a smile, she voices, “Cheer up, okay? It's not like you to be so down. If there's anything bothering you, you can talk to me.”

“It's nothing,” I say softly. “Thanks a lot, Sunyoung.” She observes me for a moment before firmly nodding, squeezing my shoulder once more before leaving the classroom.

People like Sunyoung are genuinely nice but they still hold their head high without allowing people take advantage of them. They're admired for being kind and compassionate while not letting others step over their heads. I guess that's the big difference between how people see her and me.

She liked me? Yeah, right. My stomach gurgles and I shut my eyes tiredly, wanting nothing more but to just go home and bury myself underneath the blankets.

I didn't see Daehyun at all today. I was hoping we'd meet on the train but we didn't. It's better that we didn't; I don't want to ruin the mood with how obvious I am. Last night, I told him I had to turn in early and so, he didn't bother me after wishing me good night. I half wished I'd just continued talking to him. After all... Daehyun always makes me feel better. The things he says always do the job but just being with him is already reassuring.

I've gotten too clingy, haven't I? To the point I want to see him every day. I've utterly forgotten the fact that outside the little bubble I made of Daehyun and me, he has tons of friends and family besides me. I've really grown too attached.

Aaron pats my head lightly and I reluctantly rise from my seat, throwing my bag over my shoulder. The dread starts to accumulate sickeningly in my guts and I find myself wanting nothing more than to go hide somwhere. I can't face Heechul again, not after what he said to me. What if he told everyone else about how pathetic I acted the other day, running around as an errand boy for others?

“Youngjae,” Aaron speaks up and breaks the silence between us, only the white noise of the hallways filling the gap between us. “Look, I know something's bugging you. I'm not as close to you as Himchan-hyung or Jongup but you know, you can tell me.”

“I'm just tired,” I fill in, earnestly returning Aaron's serious gaze. “It's nothing to worry about. Thanks for the concern, really.” Aaron simply thins his lips and drops the topic, us resuming our slow-paced walk. As we climb all the way to the fourth floor, I slow down in my steps and stop in the corner, rubbing the back of my neck.

I can't face Heechul... If he repeats what he said yesterday, I don't think I can bear being humiliated in front of all those people. I'll start crying and I'm just going to look even more like a weakling.

“Hey, um, I need to use the toilet,” I remark. “You go in first.”

“I'll wait for you,” Aaron returns. I bite my lip and coax, “You should go in first. I'm going to take a while.” I rub my stomach with a light laugh and Aaron snorts, waving me in.

“It's fine. I'll wait,” Aaron reiterates with a grin, tugging out his phone to occupy himself. “Hurry up and go before you crap your pants.”

I debate on protesting before decidedly letting the matter go, padding into the restroom. Loitering by the sinks, I hastily brainstorm on excuses so I can bail on today's meeting. They don't need me anyway, right? I barely say a word and Hayi's here today to help along with Jinki. I just need some time before I face Heechul again. I really don't think I can be in the same room as him for now, after what transpired. It's too embarrassing to, knowing I'm an utter joke in his eyes.

Should I say I'm running a fever? I can say that I have things to do at home so I can't make it for today. Massaging my temple lightly, the cubicle door behind me swings open and I glance back just for a moment.

Immediately, my entire body freezes as I meet Heechul's gaze in the mirror. I avert my gaze quickly and turn on the faucet, hurriedly washing my hands. He paces up to the sink next to me and I keep my head lowered, the same crumpling feeling from yesterday churning in my stomach.

“Have you eaten lunch?”

I whip my head up at the question, Heechul staring at me intently while washing his hands. “Oh- um, no...”

“Good. We'll eat together then.” He spins on his heels and stalks out of the toilet, leaving me just staring blankly for a moment at his back.

Why do I keep doing this to myself? I tail Heechul out as Aaron glances from him to me, bowing slightly to Heechul. The alumnus provides, “I'm borrowing your friend for a while. Tell Younha for us.”

“Uh, alright...” Aaron blinks once and slowly deviates his stare for me, questioning me with a raised brow. Heechul beckons me to hurry up with a wave, folding his arms impatiently.

“I'm not really hungry,” I bring up softly. Heechul promptly makes a face and deadpans, “Then, can you eat with me?”

“Okay,” I mumble, Aaron discreetly sending me a grimace. He doesn't like Heechul all that much because he finds him too opinionated and flamboyant.

Heechul immediately strides off upon hearing my response and I lag behind him, my mind drawing a blank. From what it seems, he wants to talk to me alone, but he evidently doesn't like me. Is the same thing going to happen like yesterday?

“Why are you walking behind me?” Heechul chides, a sharp bite to his tone. I quietly catch up with him and we walk all the way in silence, nothin but the chatter of students and whispering gossip chasing after us. Since it's lunch hour, there's a lot of people in the hallways and I can hear comments every once in a while about Heechul's long, orange hair bobbing around.

“You're Himchan's junior, aren't you?” Heechul mentions with a monotonous pitch. “You're very different from him, considering he likes you so much.”

“Yeah,” I return in a low tone, not knowing what else to say. At least he doesn't sound pissed with me today. He says nothing afterwards as he heads for the school gate without hesitation. I peer at him to receive no clarification, Heechul merely striding forth. We reach a nearby restaurant just a block down and he swings in, a waiter leading us to a table or two.

“You're not eating, right?” He questions, grabbing the menu. With how expensive this is, there's no way I would...

I promptly shake my head and Heechul begins skimming through the menu, thumbing through pages while I absentmindedly scrutinise the interior decorating. Alright, the restaurant isn't expensive to the point you have to pay eighty bucks for one meal, but just one dish is fifteen dollars—that's five times what I can get in school for a bowl of noodles.

“Are you angry with me?” Heechul barely lifts his gaze as the question spills easily from his mouth. I fidget and quickly answer, “I'm not, hyung.”

“Then, you're scared of me, right? Because of what I said the other day,” Heechul remarks nonchalantly, squinting at something on the menu. He finally claps the menu and close and locks eyes with me.

“Your seniors told you about me, right?” Heechul asks, bidding over the waiter. When he finishes ordering, I murmur, “Younha-noona says you were really influential.”

“All your seniors were freshmen when I was still enrolled in your school,” Heechul muses. “You know, before that happened, I used to be picked on a lot. Those s kept making fun of me for being girly. They called me gay but jokes' on those losers since I am gay.”

I would have laughed if it weren't for the fact that he mentioned these people bullied him. Intertwining my hands beneath the table, I don't get the chance to slip a word in as Heechul immediately continues.

“You look like how I look like back then,” Heechul supplies, his dark eyes falling on me as he crosses his fingers and props up his arms on the table. “Not physically, obviously. The way you act.”

“Didn't you feel angry when they did that?” Heechul interrogates, incredulity dousing his tone as he bores his eyes through me. “I mean, seriously, I was a step away from flinging a book at those kids' faces. And you just said yes without any second thoughts.”

I falter, pressing my lips together. I felt it was a bit too much for me to handle but I thought it was fine since they were busy. I did see them cutting the same things as I was but I just assumed they must have been doing something more important.

“You don't even know you're being taken advantage of,” Heechul heaves, rapping his fingers on the table. “No, you knew, didn't you? But you told yourself it was okay for those lazy bastards to treat you like you're their personal maid.”

“...Sorry,” I meekly wheeze. Heechul instantaneously narrows his eyes at me. “Why are you saying sorry to me?” He questions as he leans forward, dissecting me with his gaze.

“Kid, you can't let people do this to you,” Heechul drawls as he leans back into his seat, keeping his eyes fixated on me as he crosses his arms. “It's not called being nice. It's called being stupid. You're too nice.”

I inwardly wince at his remark, shrinking back into my chair. Heechul sighs and glances away for a moment.

“...Sorry for what I said yesterday,” he mutters under his breath. “But it really pissed me off, alright? It's not just the fact that those es go around picking on people like you. It's the fact that you didn't even say anything about it. And it's easy to tell this isn't the first time people have done this to you.”

The waiter brings over Heechul's meal, steam wafting between us as he pro