Windy Days, the Unsaid and You (i)

I was really happy on the phone last night with Himchan. It's always been a dream of his to go overseas to study and even though Himchan has an impeccable record, we'd still been biting our tongues as he had been up against people like Joonmyun, the school vice-president, and Joohyun, an alike musical genius.

But the moment I put down the phone, I couldn't help but feel just a bit of heartache. I only want the best for Himchan but not being able to see him as often, perhaps just once a year, has me wondering where exactly all the time went. It feels like just a few days ago when Himchan dragged me to Jiyong's graduation party and he'd carried me back home as I'd drunk alcohol by accident.

Hey, it'll be my turn next year. Will you miss me?

I puked on Himchan in response. He screamed but miraculously, I did not wake up abandoned on the streets but on my bed.

How selfish can I get? To feel sad when Himchan has been wanting this since god knows how long... I know I'm horrible but I'll miss Himchan so much. Just thinking about it makes me depressed.

Anyway, it doesn't matter what I feel. This is a huge accomplishment for Himchan and I'm not going to dampen it with my clinginess. I don't know what Himchan's other friends are doing for him but I want to go all out and celebrate his accomplishment. I called Jongup last night and we've already planned some things like taking Himchan out to his favourite restaurant.

For now, I'll just focus on the project. Hopefully, things will take a better turn for Daehyun and me. I don't know if Daehyun suspects Park-songsaegnim's motive of failing us, but I'm hoping if it's true, we'll be able to show him a new side to love.

It's kind of funny, to think about it. I know nothing about love. Daehyun seems to, from the way Jaebum described. I'll have to count on him to take the lead.

Speaking of Park-songsaengnim, I wonder what he was talking about that day to Daehyun, about the excuse and pushing it to a seatmate? I've got no right to pry but it's making me worried in case Daehyun gets into more toruble.

Strolling down the street, I tug at the clothes Himchan picked out for me the other day. It's a loose white dress shirt along with a pair of black skinny jeans. Initially, I'd planned to just wear a shirt and shorts but if I'm so inferior standing beside Daehyun when we're both in school uniform, imagine when he dresses up... Besides, I don't want to look too sloppy in front of him.

Daehyun is already sitting by the mall entrance where we agreed to meet, donning a hoodie over his snapback. I hold back a chuckle as Daehyun pats his gelled hair repeatedly, tugging at a few strands and smoothing out the slope.

"Daehyun!"

The boy in question immediately turns, shooting up from his seat. He stands there staring at me blankly as I stroll up, suddenly conscious of my appearance. Daehyun looks really good; I won't be surprised he manages to pull off just wearing a loin cloth like Tarzan.

"Youngjae," he breathes, eyes scouring over me. Did I overdress? Is this too formal? Crap. I was thinking it looked more like a boyfriend shirt than anything else but I know better than to doubt Himchan’s fashionista tastes. It’s probably my face that ruins the look.

I pull at the ends of my shirt and shrink back, embarrassed. Daehyun coughs and looks away, me beating up myself incessantly on the inside. I should have just stuck to shirts and shorts.

"Shall we go?" Daehyun says quietly and I nod, following him in. Yesterday, we decided on using both our fortés for our presentation. Mine pales in comparison with Daehyun's many talents, so I'll just be deadweight.

Most of the stores are closed except for a few in the midst of opening. Daehyun points to the art store by the corner, refusing to look directly at me. Oh god, did I forget to zip my pants or something? A million embarrassing scenarios fly through my mind and I lag behind Daehyun, checking for a popped out button and wiping furiously for any possible boogers.

After a while, I huff inwardly, deciding not to be so self-conscious. I feel like a flustered schoolgirl, gosh; what's wrong with me?

We enter the shop, the cashier sending Daehyun a warm, bashful smile. Daehyun keeps stopping halfway to check if I'm still behind him, as if he's afraid I'll disappear any moment. We walk through the aisle quietly as I admire the many supplies available.

Daehyun seems really familiar with the products, walking straight to the sections he’s looking for. He picks them out easily and periodically turns behind to cough and ask me if I think the stuff he’s chosen is good. All I do is hum, watching with a sense of admiration as Daehyun expertly decides on what to buy.

Daehyun’s side profile is endearing. The way he scrutinises the items, tugging them out nimbly and tucking it into his arm... His default face is always so stoic and aloof. Despite his monotonous voice and curt speeches, Daehyun is honestly such a wonder. Like a canvas filled with so many colours, veiled with a dark cloth.

“Youngjae.”

I snap out of my reverie, blinking in embarrassment. “Do you want to get anything?”

I shake my head and peer behind upon noticing a work station. Daehyun instantly follows my gaze.

“The owner used to have pottery classes here,” he explains.

“Looks fun,” I remark, glancing at the empty wheel and the shelf of pretty creations. There are bowls, cups and various other exquisite animal charms. I’ve always wanted to learn how to sculpt clay after the school gave us that pretty swallow keychain.

“Do you want to try it?”

I hesitantly glance to Daehyun’s earnest expression. “I do, but I don’t know how to work it. Besides,” I gesture to the items in Daehyun’s arm, “our project.”

“We’ve still got tomorrow,” Daehyun assures, seemingly really excited as though showing something dear to him. “I’ll teach you.”

He grabs a box of clay and paces over to the cashier, the girl instantly lowering her head shyly. She quickly scans the items, peering up from time to time with an embarrassed look. I held back a teasing smile, watching the adorable scene unfold.

“Suhyun, can we use the workshop?” Daehyun asks, taking out more cash from his wallet.

Suhyun nods immediately. “Here, let me help you.”

Upon standing, Daehyun flashes her a small, grateful smile. “Thanks,” Daehyun returns sincerely, igniting crimson in the cashier’s cheeks.

Suhyun nods, her cute bob of hair swaying from side to side. I feel like a creep watching them while giggling like a deranged horse.

We settle down on a stool, Daehyun unwrapping the clay and handing me a lump. I stare at it blankly and Daehyun muffles back a chuckle, centering it upon the wheel. Suhyun hands me a bowl of water and an apron. Daehyun watches patiently as Suhyun gently instructs me on how to start the wheel and wet the clay.

“Aren’t you going join me?” I ask.

Suhyun answers softly in Daehyun’s stead. “He’s done this before a lot of times,” she laughs amiably. “An expert.”

I hum teasingly along, nudging Daehyun with the squirm of my eyebrows. He waves off the compliment bashfully. This boy has an endless array of talents, I swear.

“So you’re just going to sit there and stare? I thought you’d spend your time more wisely, Daehyun.”

Daehyun fidgets and tries to come up with a response, ultimately failing and looking down at his knees. Boy, it’s easy to get him flushed.

“What do you want to make?”

I ponder on Suhyun’s question. Making anything like the bird keychain I got is way out of my league, so I’ll just settle on making a vase or something.

“A vase?” Suhyun nods at my choice, explaining the basics of how to make a cylinder. A sudden ring has her apologising and scurrying back to the counter. I unsurely put my hands on the mould, doing as told, only to form a crooked sculpture. It looked more like a muddy ditch with how uneven the texture was.

I squeak as the creation starts turning more and more deformed under my hands. Daehyun lets out a laugh and I plead him for assistance with my eyes.

“Steady your hands,” Daehyun advises and I try to follow but to no avail. “Uniform pressure.”

Nope, not happening. The whole vase starts to turn more into a weird eight shap with an extremely fat top, as though it’s crumpled paper mache. “Daehyun, help,” I urge with a whine, frankly quite horrified at how quickly I destroyed the base Suhyun made for me.

Daehyun stares hard and shifts his stool over. He spends a moment hesitating before putting his hands over mine. He gently grasps my hands and guides them to the right spot, nudging them wherever strength needed to be applied. His fingers are rough and our proximity is a bit stifling with Daehyun looming over me. Unconsciously, my skin tingles from Daehyun’s touch.

“Hold your arms close and even it out lightly,” Daehyun’s breath tickles my ear. His hands keep leaving mine occasionally, awkward, but quickly return when the vase goes out of shape. I watch in awe as it takes form nimbly, Daehyun pinching the rim and guiding my fingers over.

Of course, my brain-to-mouth filter just had to pipe in.

“Hey.”

Daehyun barely manages out an inaudible grunt, clearly focused in his work.

“This reminds me of the movie Ghost. The pottery scene,” I remark jokingly, turning back to glance at Daehyun.

He completely freezes, hands stilling against mine. Good job, Youngjae. Compare our bonding moment of friendship to one of the most romantic, tear-jerking film scenes of all times. They make love after that, too. Of course Daehyun would be awkward hearing that; it's not like we're close friends who can joke about this.

“Woo,” I jokingly whistle, hoping to mow over the awkward rift I’d just created. Accidentally, I nudge into the vase and let out a squeal, trying to salvage it.

Thankfully, we were so fixated on fixing the dent I made in the vase that Daehyun hopefully forgot about my random, unnecessary comment. We miraculously manage to make a pattern in the texture, Daehyun’s skilled hands leading my fingers over uniformly. His warmth finally leaves as he drags his stool back, gazing as I try to get the hang of it.

“You’re a master at this,” I breathe, gentle drawing through the sculpture. “Do you do this often?”

Daehyun hums and nods wordlessly.

“I won’t be surprised you tell me you skydive,” I laugh, focusing on pinching the edges. We wash up our smeared arms, Suhyun telling us to come back in a few days to glaze it.

“I can do it for you,” Daehyun mumbles while we leave the store.

I sigh and rub my sore back. “You would? That’d be great, thanks. My hands are disastrous.”

Daehyun looks like he wants to say something, but he simply shuts his mouth and paces quietly beside me. We get Chinese take-out for our lunch, Daehyun insisting on carrying everything which I definitely didn’t allow him to. I ended up just carrying a tiny bottle of liquid glue while Daehyun took the rest. If he treats me like this, I wonder how he’ll treat his wife.

“Are your parents home?” I ask.

It’s still mid-morning, the sun shielded behind the misty clouds and brewing wind. Daehyun shakes his head. His gaze is a bit uncomfortable on my skin, eyes half-lidded as though deep in thought.

"What about you?"

I blink as I process the question. Daehyun separates his lips at his blunder, eyes going huge.

"Um, I mean, sorry." He hangs his head low and I can't help but find him adorable—someone with such a stolid composure being so flustered.

"Nope. They aren't at home." I grin at Daehyun. He seems distracted today.

"...Okay," he replies, words muffled. We se