Tired (i)
(triple update, 37, 38 & 39)

Embarrassingly, I've been doing some snooping around these few days. Well, it's not exactly snooping around, but more of keeping a look out for a particular someone. And that’s none other than Taemin.

It's a bit hard to, since Taemin and I have very different class schedules, but since our lockers are nearby each other’s, I can catch a glimpse of him every once in a while.

Fashion designer, the best friend of Daehyun’s good friend, was enrolled when Daehyun met his crush in freshman year... Everything points to him. I remember seeing the attendance list for our literature class when Park-songsaengnim told us to check our scores, and I noticed Taemin's name was officially listed as Yi Taemin, instead if the usual 'Lee'. Seeing the way Daehyun acts around Taemin is another tell-tale sign that he is the one. It's just the name that I'm not too sure about...

Maybe Daehyun was referring to his surname. Maybe I heard wrongly. Maybe it’s not Taemin. It could be anything, for all I know, but I only have one solid guess right now, and that’s Taemin.

To be honest, it’s none of my business, but even then, I still can’t pinpoint why exactly I’m so interested in who Daehyun likes. I guess I just want to see him happy, and the one person who can make him so is definitely Daehyun’s crush. Daehyun deserves the happiness, and I want to help him get closer to his crush no matter what.

It’s really… laughable, how I thought it could be me. Honestly, what was I thinking? Of course it couldn’t be me. I’m so bland, after all. Compared to Taemin, I’m plain and boring, while Taemin is practically those kind of students who everyone yearns to be. He has peachy skin, large eyes, doll-like looks and a thin built. He’s sociable, nice and so popular. He’s in the advanced classes and not only that, he’s the captain of the dance team too. Adding that on to his charity fashion show… I’m nothing compared to him. I’m chubby, unattractive, and I can barely do even half of what he has accomplished.

Even if the boy Daehyun likes isn’t Taemin, it can’t ever be me. I must have been really arrogant to even consider I could be a possibility. I feel really embarrassed and stupid, to be truthful.

That aside, I’ve decided that I’m going to go all out and help Daehyun. I’m not the best candidate to play Cupid’s assistant, but I’ll try. Hopefully, I don’t scare Daehyun’s crush off into oblivion and ruin his chances with him forever… hopefully.

First, I need to confirm if it truly is Taemin who Daehyun likes. I haven’t seen him around today, so I’m trying my luck and hanging behind for a while by the lockers since I have nothing to do anyway. Fridays are usually where our publishing team has meetings, but since we’ve finished this month’s issue, we’re currently done with everything for now. We’ve just barely managed to meet the deadline for this month’s school magazine issue and the writing department really went all out for this issue. The articles are great and out of the box this time instead of the usual school events reports.

Whenever there’s no meetings, I usually rush back home to enjoy having a short day for once, but I’m staying back today because of Daehyun’s basketball competition. I’m really excited for it; I’ve never actually seen Daehyun play before. He said he was the shooting guard, so I went to look it up and it says his main role is to score points for the team. He must look really cool on court…

It’s weird but when I saw Hongbin leave class early in the midst of our Biology lesson, swinging his shoe bag slickly over his shoulder, I thought of how Daehyun would be doing the same in his own classroom. I got a bit squeamish at how cool he would look, what with his indifferent face and all.

...I’ve reached new heights, haven’t I? Now that I’m spazzing over my friends. But I can’t help it; Daehyun just gives off this nice vibe. A part of me wishes I could be like him.

Okay, I should stop. Going back to the topic, I’m planning on subtly asking Taemin if he met Daehyun in his freshman year. As subtly as possible, so I won't give Daehyun away.

Sitting by the lockers at the nearby bench, I run through some of my notes, revising for the upcoming tests. I peer down the hallway, checking for any sign of Taemin. Seeing no one, I go back to skimming through my notes, twirling my pen around. A surge of students lurch past me and I glance down after a couple minutes more, widening my eyes to see Taemin by his locker.

Instantly, I stumble off the bench and briskly pace over. I reach for my locker and key in the combination, glimpsing over at Taemin. The door is obscuring the side of his face and I pretend to dig through my locker. The moment I hear a door click shut, I hastily close mine as well.

Taemin is already looking over and I nearly jump, managing to churn out a nervous smile. He grins to me and waves, starting, "Hey, Youngjae. Ended school, huh? Lucky you."

Play it cool. I just have to act natural and steer the conversation towards Daehyun. First, talk about today's game, then, mention Daehyun, and go for the question.

"Yeah, I did! Hey, the basketball game's today; are you going? Oh yeah, speaking of basketball, Daehyun's in the team! I didn't know you knew Daehyun! Just wondering, how did you guys meet?" I blather, ending off with an anxious chuckle.

Oh god.

Taemin blinks at me and I flush, inwardly beating myself up. A sweet, amused laugh leaves Taemin's lips and I struggle to muffle my groan of utter embarrassment.

"Yeah, the basketball game is today," Taemin replies amiably. "And yeah, I'm going. What about you?"

"Yeah, me too! Guess we'll be seeing each other there," I laugh awkwardly, scratching the back of my head.

Taemin continues, "And that last question... I really can't remember how I met Daehyun. I guess it should have been through Jongin. It was a long time ago. Sorry."

"Oh, no, it's okay!" I hurriedly reply. "Um... Do you remember when you met Daehyun, though?"

"Hm... It should be in freshman year. He changed a lot, huh?" Taemin beams. He met Daehyun in freshman year, which means he fits the identity of Daehyun’s crush even more. It has to be him, right? There’s only one thing strange and that’s the first letter of his name. Maybe he has a nickname I don’t know about?

"Ah, I hadn't met him then," I answer sheepishly. Unlike Taemin, I wasn't too sociable so I never got to befriend the basketball team, always telling Jaebum I'd meet him in the canteen instead of at the field because I felt awkward meeting his teammates. Then, as freshman year slowly came to a close, our six years of friendship just seemed to dwindle into the past. I can barely remember his rambles about practice, having drifted apart and losing contact during sophomore year. A part of it was really my fault. As Jaebum got more popular, I shied away from him, because I felt I wasn’t popular enough.

"Why do you ask?" Taemin’s teasing tone forces out an abashed stammer from me. “J-Just curious.” He nods, flashing his teeth. “Well, I better get going for my next lesson. See you later!”

“Mm, see you,” I blurt, waving Taemin off. I slap my forehead once he disappears out of view, letting out a phenomenal moan. I was a complete stuttering mess in front of Taemin while he was so composed and collected. I wonder how he does it.

I still have some time left to Daehyun’s basketball game, it being only noon. I stroll to the canteen, thumbing out my wallet and leafing through the crumpled notes. On days like this, when I’m waiting for the meeting to start, I usually have lunch alone. Sometimes, Himchan comes to join me since he says his Geography teacher is lazy and often just hands out an assignment, calling the period a self-study session.

Should I call him out? We haven’t been talking lately. I only ever seen him with Hongki nowadays.

It’s stupid, huh? Himchan is leaving this year, and yet, we’re here becoming further apart than we can ever be. I slip out my phone and draft up a message.

Hyung, do you have a self-study session now? I’m at the canteen. Want to eat lunch together?

I hesitate before pressing ‘send’, joining the small queue and getting a tray. Right now, the canteen is mostly empty. More at ease, I sit by a corner on my own, ensconced behind the pillar. My phone vibrates and I still, thumbing it out.

Okay.

I light up at the response, relief and a genial warmth washing over me. Melting into a smile, I munch on my bun, waiting merrily for Himchan to come. About five minutes pass and a figure passes by before abruptly stopping, and I look up to meet eyes with Himchan in the midst of taking a bite. Himchan stares at me and I awkwardly stare back, before he smothers back a chuckle and looks away.

I munch off the part of the bread I was aiming