Tired (ii)
(triple update, 37, 38 & 39)

Younha begins to splutter, verbalising the question in my mind, “Songsaengnim, why so sudden? What did we do?”

Im-songsaengnim veers her gaze for a split second and I catch her looking to Aaron, before she wryly smiles and shakes her head. “They took me surprise too; I just found out today. I’ll try and talk to the higher-ups about it but for now…” Aaron has his head lowered, not uttering a single word. It’s uncharacteristic of him; usually, he’d be the first one speaking up and demanding to know what happened.

Where do we go from here, then? The publishing team has taken up so much of my life. All of us put our sweat and tears into it, staying up till the wee hours of the morning to rush deadlines. It feels crushingly like we've been abandoned and we're cheated of all our hard work.

“It’s not fair; they can’t just break us up like this. I know we’re fairly new, but they can’t get rid of us with just the flick of a finger…” Younha drifts off in frustration, shutting her eyes in pure incredulity. “What about Daniel? He founded the publishing team. He worked so hard to start it up. The school can’t just shut us down like this.”

It can’t be that the school suddenly decided to do this out of the blue. I know that we’ve never been a favoured society in contrast to the other clubs that actually draw in awards, but the school has mostly left us to do our own thing. If our budget was that hefty, we would have been shut down much earlier. The writers’ side got into a few conflicts with the reviewing committee over the years because the articles weren’t too politically correct, but each time, Aaron managed to fight for a compromise. I expected this month’s magazine to be shot down on first review with the more adventurous articles, but I trusted Aaron would be able to smoothen it up to get it approved.

“Songsaengnim,” I quietly ask, “was it because of this month’s issue?” Aaron noticeably hangs his head lower and lets out a soft breath, while Im-songsaengnim presses her lips together.

After briefing us on our service points and what to do after we've been officially disbanded, Im-songsaengnim heads off for her next class while we are left loitering outside the meeting room, the mood somber. Aaron takes in a deep breath and abruptly says, “I’m sorry.”

I perk up at his apology and Aaron breathes, “It’s my fault. They didn’t let my article pass but I still kept it in the finalised version.”

“You did the interview with Heechul-sunbaenim, right?” Younha affirms, receiving a nod in return. Aaron is headstrong so he can get into arguments over the rejected articles. I admired him for that—each writer works hard on his or her article so Aaron always tries to retain their efforts. Maybe he had pushed too far, but it doesn’t seem that way. Usually, even if Aaron sends a rejected draft for printing, the teachers just scold him for it and keep an eye out for him.

“I don’t remember there being anything controversial in the article,” I return, frowning deeply and recalling the trimmed version Aaron had sent. Younha nods along but the disappointed look on her face is scrawled clearly. "Why didn't you change it, though?"

“I’m sorry, noona,” Aaron wheezes, ruffling his hair agitatedly. “I was really upset. I didn’t understand why the hell they were so adamant on rejecting it and getting me to write on the scouts’ orientation, when we’d never had to cover these kind of things before. When I realised, I got angry but I tried to compromise. They still wouldn’t let me so I just sent it in. I didn’t know it’d turn out like this.”

I squeeze Aaron’s shoulder, asking, “Why’d they reject it?” There was nothing wrong with it, if I recall correctly—I designed the article so I read through it. It was just about the featured joint article about the play Romea and Juliet and the script writer sans alumni celebrity Kim Heechul, one of the top scorers in the graduating batch two years ago. He chose to major in theatre arts and interns at the national theatre right now.

"Because it was about Heechul," Aaron mutters.

I flutter my lashes and question, "Are you sure?"

"What else would it be?" Aaron bitterly murmurs. "When I interviewed him, I asked about his coming out experience and that was included in the first draft. It kept getting rejected even though I tried to negotiate, so I removed that part and left out everything mentioning he was gay. They accepted it but it suddenly got rejected. They could have switched out any of the extra articles for a report on the scouts' orientation but they kept insisting on deleting the whole report on the play. I got pissed so I printed the trimmed version and uploaded it to our website too, and I guess that did it."

"But... that doesn't make any sense," Younha supplies as she deliberates. “Then why was the lesbian play still allowed to be held when it was directed by Heechul? I know they had a hard time getting it approved but the school still allowed it. Why would an article on the play, especially when the play has already been performed, be rejected?”

Aaron dwindles into silence and I'm left with equally nothing to say. The final version Aaron sent seemed fine and like he said, he trimmed a lot of it. Younha sighs softly.

“Aaron, I know you’re a good judge of whether an article deserves to be printed or not, but… you have to think of the consequences,” Younha exhales. “I can see you had a good reason but being the exco, our decisions affect the members too.” She looks really stressed, likely because it's close to the college entrance exams for her.

"I'm really sorry, noona, Youngjae," Aaron murmurs. "I'll try and fix this. If it's me they want off the team, I'll go."

"We'll think of something together," Younha assures, pinching at her chin. "Im-songsaengnim said it was a finalised decision for now so I think it's best we inform the members first. Shall we call a meeting on Monday?"

We nod and Younha glances to her phone. "Sorry, I need to go. Consultation with a teacher. Let's brainstorm on our own and we'll talk on Saturday morning, okay?" She flashes a small smile. "Don't worry. We'll find a way." 

As Younha disappears down the corridor, Aaron lets out a wail and buries his face into my shoulder. Surprised, I hold him up as he muffles, "Youngjae, what have I done? I've completely destroyed the team and made noona angry."

"You had a legitimate reason," I return, struggling to hold him up as he lets out another groan. "Just... not the best decision..."

"Don't rub it in my face!" Aaron whimpers, slapping his hands onto his face in shame. "I ruined everything! Everyone's going to hate me! How could I have done something like this?" He flails his arms hysterically, squawking like a grieving crow.

I prod him on the forehead and coax, "Come on, let's think of something."

Aaron emanates a final whine before murmuring, "Okay. I think I'll go talk to the teachers and apologise for sending the article for printing. They should kick me out instead of disbanding the whole society, argh."

Aaron turns to me, grasping my sleeve. "Should I go now? Would it be a bad time?"

"I think we should plan what we want to say first," I suggest, checking my phone. "They may still be having lunch, actually. We should think it through first then-"

A dawning realisation crashes upon me as my eyes fly wide open, dismay pouring through me.

Daehyun's basketball game.

"Oh crap!" I hurriedly pocket my phone, blathering, "I have to go! Sorry! I'll think of something and text you!" I speed off, nearly tripping over my own two feet.

God, how could I forget?! I'm going to be late! I sprint down the corridors past the throng of students, blubbering apologies while weaving through them swiftly. Finally, the indoor sports hall comes into sight and I race inside.

A bustling atmosphere rushes towards me and I'm greeted with the uproarious crowd, a huge swarm of people filling the bleachers. Instinctively, I grimace, awkwardly looking around for a seat as I catch my breath. A sudden voice chases after me and I turn to find Daehyun jogging up to me, eyes large.

"Youngjae." Daehyun slows down just as I break out into a blinding grin. "Daehyun!" I reach out to pat his shoulders and chime through pants, "You're looking ready."

"Are you alright? Did you run here?" He asks, craning his neck lower. “Yeah, don’t worry. I’m fine,” I heave in a last inhale, conclusively coordinating my breathing. Daehyun stares for a moment before melting into a misty smile.

"I thought you weren't going to show," Daehyun says. His voice is monotone and gruff, as always, and I can’t tell if he’s nervous about the game or not.

“I’m sorry. Something came up.” I squeeze Daehyun’s shoulder, mustering the brightest grin I can as encouragement. “I told you I wouldn’t miss it for the world, right?”

“Yeah,” Daehyun chuckles lowly. “I saved you a seat.” He leads me to the a bench half-filled by other students who I barely recognise. The basketball team are gathered at the side, restlessly waiting for the game to start.

“It got delayed,” Daehyun explains, “Kyungwon High came late due to the rain.” I shake off my backpack and Daehyun instantly helps me with it, lifting it easily with one hand.

“What’s inside? Rocks?” Daehyun teases as I sit. I plop my bag into my lap and hug it, returning, “My laptop. Can’t be separated from my one and only. Have you done your warm-ups?”

"Yeah." Daehyun crouches down beside me, smile ever-present on his face. “If Keke and Dae heard you, they’d be sad.” I puff out in amusement, incredulously eyeing Daehyun.

“We’re inseparable too; I always bring them to sleep with me. But I had to leave them since they didn’t want to watch your game.” Daehyun muffles back a chuckle and I deliquesce into an evil smile. “Did you bring Dora along to support you?”

Stunned, Daehyun parts his lips and erupts with laughter. “It wasn’t mine, I swear. It was my tutor's.”

“Mm, totally,” I snicker, and Daehyun nudges my knee. “You’re the one attached to stuffed animals.”

"You're the one who gave them to me," I laugh. Talking to Daehyun always makes me feel so warm inside. "Or should I throw them out?"

"They'll come back to haunt you," Daehyun warns jokingly. He muses for a moment before humming, "You sleep with them?" He beams, "I'd like to see how that looks like."

"Why are we talking about this now?" I chuckle, palms instinctively resting on Daehyun's shoulder once again. "Are you ready for the game?"

"I am now," he returns, not a hint of anxiety in his voice. I glance over to the cluster of basketball players on the sidelines, finding Jaebum on the far end talking to his sister. He looks over and his eyes enlarge comically, mouth falling open. I wave to him and he excitedly waves back, before his attention is pulled back by his sister.

Two of Daehyun’s team members pace over, curiously glancing at me. Jongin waves shortly and looks to Daehyun. “Oh, you actually invited people this year?”

Daehyun nods and Byunghun arches a brow, continuing, “Anyone else you asked?” Daehyun concisely shakes his head and Byunghun pulls his