Strawberrry Kisses and Cherry Lips (i)
(double update, 66 & 67)

Faded sunlight trickles into the confines of my room and rouses me from my sleep, coaxing my eyes open. I flutter my lashes tiredly as the usual grogginess grapples with me. It's warm and I can hear my parents talking to one another outside.

Blinking blearily at the ceiling, I wince at the sudden onset of a headache. My eyes are sore and my throat is dry, but as I start to recall what happened last night, they become the least of my worries.

Daehyun...

I curl up and slip under the sheets, gazing at the white linens and its loose threads. Everything's coming back to me and I feel nauseous. The gnawing guilt is churning in my heart still and it hurts to remember I made Daehyun wait so long.

Is it weird to say my heart actually hurts? I rub at my chest, feeling a little stupid for that thought. There's just so emotions trying to take hold of me now; I feel like a mess. The misery from yesterday lingers in me like a persistent after-taste and I sniffle, trying to sort out my feelings. Sadness, remorse...

And...

I burrow into my pillow, letting out a large, quivering breath. My lips tickle with a dizzying tingle and acknowledging it just makes me bury my head harder into my pillow. Daehyun... Daehyun kissed me last night...

Daehyun loves me.

I flush at the thought, instinctively squeezing my bolster. Is it possible to feel this many things at once? I'm wrapped up in how much I hate myself for being such an idiot, but my fingers are at the same time trembling with a shy happiness.

Daehyun actually loves me. I gently touch my lips, recalling with embarrassment how he pressed his lips to mine. The way he held my waist and how he softly kissed me...

Shame quickly overwhelms me for basking in the memory. I nearly suffocate myself in the pillow, heat pricking relentlessly at my cheeks and flooding my entire being. That was my first kiss. I prod at my lower lip, curling my fingers at the familiar touch.

Oh god. I'm being childish. I roll over out of the bundle I crumpled myself into, embarrassedly trying to even out my breathing. The gravity of the situation hasn't seem to fully set in yet. It feels like I'm dreaming. 

I raise a hand gingerly and juxtapose it with the white of my ceiling, drawing out the night sky from my memories. It's natural to remember Daehyun grasping my hand to fill the gaps between my fingers.

He's loved me for so long. Just months ago, I had no clue the person I kept encouraging him to confess to was me. I kept him waiting for so long and made him hurt so much. I let out a strained sigh and lower my hand, my heart scrunching up instantly.

Being sad over it won’t help, will it? The only thing I can do now is love Daehyun, to make up for all I’ve done to him. 

I touch my lips again and intuitively blush, pulling away quickly. Yesterday, it felt like we lost track of time while we were at the park. As Daehyun... kissed me, I couldn't help but tear up again. It wasn't until we found it hard to breathe that we pulled apart and he pressed our foreheads together. He told me he loved me over and over again, and I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eyes as I cried.

Daehyun said it was late so he insisted on walking me home, till we found out Yoochun was waiting for us. I kept quiet in the car as I was too embarrassed to cry in front of Yoochun, who thankfully didn't ask about anything and only said goodnight when I alighted.

Daehyun walked me up to my apartment unit and he held me, telling me not to cry anymore. My parents were home by then so even though I wanted to spend more time with Daehyun, we had to part. Daehyun saw me in and thankfully, my parents were in their bedroom, so I managed to go to bed without any of them noticing.

I sit up, patting my sore eyes and looking to my cupboard. I placed Daehyun's gift in there last night in case my parents came into my room and stumbled upon it. Once I started crying again, I just couldn't stop because it hurt so much. It hurt to know he still loves me even though I've been such a horrible person to him.

I bat my lashes slowly at the clock and scoot towards my backpack by the table, searching for my phone. Even though it's not been long since we met, I want to see Daehyun. I hope he's okay.

Tugging out my phone from the bottom of the pile, I find Daehyun's one message lighting up my screen, from two hours ago.

Good morning, Youngjae. Are you feeling better?

Even those few words is enough to send a flutter up my heart. I quickly type back, Good morning. I'm feeling better. What about you?

We stayed out rather late last night; I wonder if he slept well. As I hit the 'send' button, I lie back against my headboard, zoning out briefly. There's a bubbling warmth seeping through me and my heart is pounding, knowing Daehyun and I love each other. It's... sweet. To love, and to be loved. I found out too late Daehyun gave his heart to me three years ago but I want to cherish it with all I have now.

Does it mean that we're boyfriends? A sense of nervousness whelms me at this point, thoughts racing through my head along with a thumping adrenaline. Do I have to change the way I act towards him or does it stay the same? How can I make Daehyun happy, as his boyfriend?

I wonder if he's touchy when it comes to being in a relationship or he'd like his distance. I curl my fingers, the pessimistic pensiveness starting to swarm me. How long will we last? The people around us—what do we say to them? Our friends, our family... what about our future?

Do I even have a right to think about a future with Daehyun?

It's scary to think of these things. That small confession lingers in the back of my mind and I jolt out of my trance when my phone vibrates in my hands. I swiftly pick up the incoming call, holding my breath as the line clicks.

"Hello?" Daehyun's hoarse voice grates over the line, husky as though he'd cried just as hard as I had. My heartbeat trembles and I clutch tighter onto the phone, feeling unnervingly anxious and giddy.

"Hey, Daehyun," I softly return. "Did you sleep well?"

"I did," Daehyun answers. He halts momentarily. "Did you?"

"Mm." A lengthy pause materialises over the phone and I anxiously fumble over what to say. Should I apologise? Thank him? Ask him if he's eaten?

"Uh, are... are you free today?" Daehyun lowly asks, his words slow and almost unsure. I shift on my bed, still pressing the phone against my ear.

"Yeah," I whisper, not wanting to say too many words, else they crack from my excessive bout of tears last night. Daehyun's voice alone is enough to make me feel warm.

"Do you want to... go out? Sorry," Daehyun quietly coughs, the many breaks between our conversation making it seem like the first time we met.

"I'd love to," I reply hurriedly, pausing when I realise I sounded too enthusiastic. "Um, what time will you be free?"

Is this a date? I gulp back the lump in my throat, my fingers tingling with a dizzying sensation. Do I have any clothes to wear? I haven't even washed my face yet.

"I, uh," Daehyun's words fade out, hesitance clear in his voice. "I'm ready anytime you are."

Daehyun seems to shift his phone around and an exhale breezes into the line. He confesses timidly, "I'm sorry. I really wanted to see you so I... went over to your house."

"Wait, you're here now?" I blurt, my eyes flying wide open.

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't be," I hastily assure Daehyun, leaping off my bed and rushing to my cupboard. "Are you at the lift lobby?"

"Yeah," Daehyun rasps. I quickly grab a shirt and a pair of jeans, replying, "I'll meet you downstairs in a few minutes."

Speedily brushing my teeth and throwing on my clothes, I nearly trip as I rush past my parents in the kitchen to get a cup of water. They gape at me and question, "What's the rush, Jae? Are you late for something?"

"I'm sorry, Omma, Appa! I have to go meet my friend," I wheeze, words coming out in an almost incoherent rush. I swing open the door and bolt out into the corridor, slipping on my flip flops.

"...Youngjae."

I lift my head instantly, turning to find a boy loitering at the end of the corridor. The air suddenly stills and an overwhelming nervousness takes over me, leaving my mind blank for a second. My heart starts to pound and it feels so difficult to breathe.

Daehyun steps up to me, his eyes puffy. I didn't expect him to come over without telling me... How long has he been waiting for me?

“Daehyun,” I churn out, my hands unconsciously tugging at my shirt. Oh god, I didn't brush my hair properly. I'm wearing one of my musty old shirts and my face is probably all swollen from yesterday. I discreetly lower my head, hoping Daehyun doesn't notice all my flaws.

Daehyun's adam apple bobs up and down and he snivels. His hair is standing up a little, like he'd just gotten out of bed. It’s cute.

"Hey," he coughs. Daehyun stares at me for an extended while before blinking and looking down, as though trying to process something in his mind. Silence drapes over us and I squirm. 

"I'm sorry; did you wait long?" I ask faintly.

"I didn't," Daehyun murmurs. Mist clouds his irises as he continues to gaze at me. "Only an hour."

I gawk at his statement, returning, "An hour? Daehyun, why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"It's only an hour," Daehyun assures, dazed look still etched into his expression. "I didn't want to wake you up."

His words settle in my mind with a ticklish heat, leaving me wordless. How can someone be so thoughtful? He's always so considerate towards me, even when it comes to small things like this.

"Thank you," I mumble, my fidgety hands pulling at the back of my shirt. I glimpse up at Daehyun and that upsurge in my chest fills my throat, making it so hard to speak.

"Um, have you eaten breakfast?"

"No," Daehyun rasps, clearing his throat. "What about you?"

"I haven't either.” I struggle with my words, debating over what to say. Why is it so difficult to speak to Daehyun now? I'm so nervous that my palms feel sweaty. I need to settle down. I just have to talk to Daehyun like I usually do.

"I'm sorry for making you cry yesterday," Daehyun breathes, dipping his head.

"No, I'm sorry," I immediately answer, feeling my insides crumple at the memory of last night. "I... I made you wait for so long and I was so horrible to you."

"You weren’t," Daehyun cuts in with utmost seriousness. His earnest eyes simmer into a haze and his following words come softly. "Thank you for loving me."

Daehyun... He knows how to make every inch of me melt into nothing. I really want to know what he sees in me to cherish me this much.

"I should be thanking you," I only manage to give him these few words before we submerge into yet another wordlessness. It feels like we've gone back to the first time we met where Daehyun couldn't look me in the eyes for more than a few seconds. At first I believed he disliked me; then, I passed it off as Daehyun being naturally shy. It's... so strange to know he liked me then and I was utterly oblivious to how he felt.

Daehyun looks rather spaced out; he must be tired after the competition and what happened afterwards. Oh, right! Why I was looking for Daehyun in the first place was to congratulate him.

"Congratulations on winning second place," I blurt, offering him a timid smile. “You sang amazingly.”

Daehyun furrows his brows before his eyes light up in acknowledgement. "Oh, yeah," he murmurs to himself. Rubbing the back of his neck, he breathes, "Thank you."

"The song you wrote was really beautiful."

"…You are really beautiful," Daehyun mumbles absentmindedly, his sentence nearly inaudible if I hadn't been focusing on his lips. I didn't believe that my heart could thump any faster till he spoke those words.

"Ah, you wanted to go out, right?" I bite back my disagreements and wheeze, the flush through my cheeks growing as I meet eyes with Daehyun. How did I, of all people, end up being the love of his life? I'm not deserving; even Daehyun knows that.

"Mm. Where do you want to go?" Daehyun questions.

"Anywhere," I return swiftly.

"I'm okay with anywhere too." Daehyun’s prompt reply leaves our conversation stagnant, both of us simply peering at one another. I rack my brains for things to do. If I’m too indecisive, Daehyun will be annoyed, but w