Best friends since year three. She was a part of me. I can't, just can't, live without her. She was a vital piece of me.
Growing up living only a few houses apart helped towards our friendship. I would sneak out late at night and throw rocks at her window to wake her up. When I'd helped her down from her room, we would go and lie in the park, staring up at the mask of darkness with dots of stars up above our heads, I'd have wrapped her up in my Winnie the Pooh blanket and we would talk. 
Talk about school, home life, problems, the future. Us. We would talk about us.
We both wanted three children and she wanted to move to California and live in a little purple house with flowers on the outside. 
And the silly thing was that both of us actually believed that would happen. It was safe to say she was the “one” that everyone searched for. I had her all along. I was one of the lucky ones who didn’t need to search. She’d figured it out too.
And now, I was losing her.
We found out the night of our concert. But it wasnt just any old concert night. I was going to propose, making us one step closer towards our dream.
I sought out that diamond ring she fell in love with and was waiting for Just One Day to be sung. The members agreed to sing and rap while I proposed. There was gonna be confetti and everything. It was going to be perfect. But she had said she wasn't feeling well. I shouldve told her to stay home, but she insisted she would be fine. I turned to her to pull her onstage, but she was nowhere to be found. I pulled out one of my monitors, my face falling a bit, but I tried to keep it together. That was when Namjoon tapped my shoulder and leaned in closer to be heard over the screaming fans.
“Hoseok... y/n had a seizure backstage; she was coughing up blood for a few hours beforehand. They've called an ambulance and its taking her to the hospital. Do you wanna end the show?” 
My gut instinct was no; I couldn't leave y/n by herself. But I didn't want to disappoint the fans. So I shook my head and we carried on with the show.
It was the worst show we'd ever done. My rapping was sloppy and I fell over twice because of my dancing. The show was the last thing on my mind.
As soon as it was over, I ran backstage and grabbed my jacket, and, not paying attention to the voices calling me, I sprinted to the hospital.
I was escorted to the ward by a nurse when I arrived and my heart sunk in realisation. Above the doors was a plaque that read "Oncology and Chemotherapy Center.”
It wasn’t until I saw her that it felt real. Her doctor came in and gave me the diagnosis which made my heart sink further.
“Brain cancer. Unfortunately, its spread to her lungs. We give her eight months, at the most.” 
I stayed by her side for as long as I could, but when I was sent home I couldnt bare the fact I was leaving her alone and scared, inching towards the end of her eight months.
Since we were little kids, we’d protected each other. We had always backed each other up, and stood strong when the other was falling apart.
But now? Now both of us were crashing and burning, and this time one couldn’t save the other.

The months dragged on. I stayed in her room for long days and even longer nights; all my free time was spent in that too white, too clean, too small hospital room.
By April next year, we all knew what was coming. At that point, it was basically just the machines and sheer willpower that was keeping her alive.
I just felt empty and hollow. I’d failed at my job.
The doctors asked if I wanted to be in the room with her when they pulled the plug, but I couldn't just sit idly by and watch the love of my life die without saying anything.
So I sat in the waiting room with the guys in silence. After a bit, one of them asked me a question. 
"Hoesok, are you okay? You don't seem angry or upset."
I looked round at them with my sullen eyes. "It's because I've spent the last eight months crying. I'm done feeling sorry for myself."
“B-but,” Namjoon’s voice broke as he talked, “y/n is in there dying, and you’re telling me you’re not upset?”
“Of course I’m upset! It feels like half of me is in there with her, dying! How could I not be upset?”
I was practically screaming at him. I felt bad about it afterwards but there truly wasn’t anything left in me.
I was just a walking ghost. I didn’t know how to live without her by my side. I needed her.
Those eight months were some horrific dream, a nightmare that I couldn't - still haven't - woken up from.
The guys drove me home that night and told me everything would be okay. I think they knew this wasn't true. I went to our room. My room. It was my room now. I had an idea, a way to be closer to my baby.
I stood over the bed and noticed how there was almost an indent of her body on her side. Her beautiful body.
I searched the drawers and found what I was looking for. Her sleeping pills.
My wonderful girl, wherever you are, I’m coming for you. I promise, okay?
I love you. So much. My whole being feels pointless without you. I can’t feel anything anymore.
I can hear your beautiful laugh, I can see you calling me towards you. I love you. I’m coming.