Listen to: SHINee "Graze"

Kai

The days that passed were endless. He spent his nights wide awake, not yet accepting the reality that was his break off with Kara. They hadn't announced it officially, but it was the emotional break off that broke his heart. 

He couldn't think right, he couldn't do anything properly. When he closed his eyes, the scenes played again and again.

Heartbreak.

He didn't know how he became so violent, so wild. How the gentle soul that was so loving, became so dark and hate-filled. He didn't know how he had suddenly turned from her Prince Charming to a beast. 

Then he realised that's how it always was. He was always a good guy, a shining example. But when things went the wrong way, when things were not right, he let out the inner beast inside of him. This wasn't the first time. Even as a child, he had fought and punched when his girl was offended. Even as a child... He acted the same. Whenever it involved his girl, if it was bad, he would be worse. And only she could calm the storm that was his heart. Only she could have the power to soothe him, to make him turn back into that kind gentleman again. And he'd been away for too long. They were like the beauty and the beast.

But this time, he'd become a beast to the beauty. He'd scared her away. The sweet Angel, the rose. 

Kai couldn't help the strong feelings of regret, anger, hurt... Rise in him. The strong hatred he felt. For himself. For the situation. The intensity of the heartbreak. 

It hurt.

Literally. 

His heart hurt.

He put one hand over it and leaned his forehead on the cold, hard wall. So this was how it felt to break off a relationship? 

The angry tears welled up. 

He let them fall.

Love. 

Why did he always have to face such a difficult love? It wasn't fair. He was so selfless, so giving. He was always good, always a fine example. He was always kind. And this was what he got? Did he love too much? Was love really that poisonous?

He loved her. He loved her utterly and completely. And so what made him become the monster that he was?

He sat down on the carpet and began sorting out his feelings.

Anger? Jealousy? Did they poison him? Suspicion? Mistrust? Did they wreck him? Did the sinful, evil emotions twist and turn their way wickedly into his heart? Did they dye it a deep black?

What about the nightmares? Were they illusions? Or were they reality? Were they predictions? Glimpses into the future? Or were they merely there to scare him?

The questions flooded his brain. Endless. Tireless. 

Love was so complicated. It wasn't like a math equation, nor was it a science experiment. Love was an essay. But that was the problem. The essay was free writing. And he didn't know what to write.

"Angel....Angel...."

He whispered as he hit the wall with his palm. <