It has been a month since I found out that he’s been texting with the girl who had cheated on him before. His ex-girlfriend. A month since I saw her texts with him by accident. I wanted to confront him but nothing. My limbs won’t move. My mouth won’t open. None of my muscles can’t even move whenever I see him. Seeing him smile whenever a text came on, whenever his phone lit up; breaks my heart but at least he’s happy. Although it’s mostly not from me.

One Sunday, I came up with a plan, a conclusion. I wanted to see him and make him happier than he could even imagined. I texted him as soon as I thought about it.

To: Jongin
Jongin~ let’s go on a date this Sunday at 5pm and guess what! My treat!

He took about 5 minutes to reply and of course he would say yes. No one would say no to free food. I planned out my speech and all but I know I couldn’t even utter a single word.

Sunday came and I drove to his hometown on which took an hour and thirty minute drive from my place. While driving alone, I had a lot in my mind, on what to say, what to do and reminding myself on never ever cry for what I’m about to say and do. We chose to meet up at our favorite café. Meaning he drove by himself, meaning, when I have to go and cry, we don’t have to be in the same car.

I stepped out of my car and there I saw him looking at me looking so mighty fine. He smiled and walked up towards me. I waved at him and went to his open arms.

“I missed you,” he said.

“Me too,” I said back at him, then I looked up, “thought of what to eat already?”

He looked at me, he chuckled, “calm down sweet, we still have a lot of time to choose from the menu.”

But I don’t think I have a lot of time, I thought to myself.

“Let’s go in, I’m starving,” I told him. He laughed and grabbed my hands as we walked in, hand in hand. He seems like he still likes me but why did he text her…

Food came in but we barely talked. He was on the phone most of the time. Texting. Smiling. It hurts.

“Jongin ah, the food is here,” I said. He put his phone in his pocket and looked at me, at last. He picked up a spoon and wiped it up for me.

“Eat a lot, you seems like you’ve been losing weight,” he said.

“Do I?” I asked.

I do. I’ve been losing tons of appetite. You have no idea why Kim Jongin…

“You do sweet, please eat,” he said while giving me the spoon. We ate our food but it was tasteless for me but delicious for him. After we ate, we chatted for a bit and suddenly I wanted to just tell him what I wanted to say.

“Kim Jongin…” I started and he looked at me weirdly.

“What’s wrong?” he smiled.

Oh his smile… oh my heart… Say your speech Soojung ah… say it nicel