A/N: OMFG!! Anyone saw JYJ's MV of Ayy Girl??!! Haha. I am SO in love with the way Junsu move his body in that MV. AHA. He looks so y in it. As for my beloved Jaejoong... uh he's okay with the dancing but I LOVE his outfit though.  I know I could have written this part differently but then I don't know. I don't really feel like it.

OKAY!! FINALLY TO THE PART EVERYONE HAS BEEN WAITING FOR!!!

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COUPLE DAYS LATER…

**Hana‘s POV**

Oh my god. I think I’m going crazy. I have been pacing around the house nonstop. I accidentally yelled at Jung Hwa which made him cry and I felt guilty the second I saw his tears. I apologized to him and comforted him until he was asleep. I knew what was going on with me but I just didn’t want to admit that it was the truth. I had no sleep for the days that has count down to today. I taste nothing when I had something in my mouth. I heard air when someone was trying to start a conversation with me. I felt nothing when I should have some kind of reaction. I was going insane.

After so much, I tried pushing it away and believe that I am right also thinking Jaejoong is happy with me. Today, I took Jung Hwa to go see Jaejoong at his house. He greeted us with a tired smile then got himself ready for our day like usual. We spent it in the park, eating ice cream then anywhere else that can finish our day.

“I‘ll make dinner for us tonight.” Jaejoong offered.

“It‘s fine, Jung Hwa is asleep. We should go home.” I denied.

“It‘s okay. I‘ll just make dinner for us.” He said as he kept driving.

I felt peace but there was something inside me that was slowly killing my heart. I wanted to keep our happy moments forever just like this when it just makes both of us smile and never think of what is out there in the world. Without realizing it, a light teardrop rolled down my cheek. Jaejoong turned to me and saw it with a change in his expression.

“Why are you crying?” He asked and I dabbed on my cheek.

“Nothing. Just allergy.” I lied as he parked his car and I got Jung Hwa out.

He got us in the warm house and the lights that was perfectly set glowing down to us. I set Jung Hwa on one of the sofa and went into the kitchen. He was getting the vegetables ready and I watched every movement of him since the feeling before was telling me to capture this good. It might be the end of us, who knows?

“Jaejoong…” I said his name like I wanted to start a memory talk.

“Yea?” He answered as he chopped some onions.

“Do you have days when you wish your house wasn‘t so empty?” I asked my question.

“Mmm why?” He replied without focusing at me since he was more concentrated on getting dinner ready.

“Someone asked me that the other day so I was just wondering.” I practically lied.

“And what was your response?”

“Nothing.” I simply said.

“Nothing?” He repeated and I nodded when he obviously wasn’t able to see.

“Aish… where can that strainer be…? Ey can you get me that strainer from that cabinet?” He stood up after a few clashing of metal bowels and pointed to a cabinet behind me.

I went over to it and bent down so I was able to see better in the cabinet. There was a note on the inside of the cabinet door. It read: Jaejoong’s dumb dishes.

It was obviously the handwriting of Jin Ae. I didn’t move another muscle until Jaejoong called my name. I took out a random strainer then handed it to him. He gladly took it then went on with his preparation for dinner. After thirty minutes, the table was set. We ate and talked for a bit. I tried my best to smile but I could only force the corners to slightly curve up. We finished the feast then helped each other with the dishes. When we were done, it was time to go.

“Oh, I almost forgot. Jung Hwa forgot one of his books here, did you see it?” I asked.

“I‘ve seen it but I think I placed it somewhere in my room. We can go check.” He said then we went up.

“I remember putting it in here or maybe on the shelf.” He reminded himself as he walked around his room then left somewhere.

I tried looking for the book too when I spotted a notebook. The cover was very eye-catching and I was wondering what might be inside so I opened it when a letter fell out. I took it out and it read:

Jin Ae,

Our marriage did not last how we wished it to be. Where are you now? I have been having dreams of you and possibly our future children. I’m always wondering if you are pregnant or not. Are you? Just look at those rainy days and it reminds me of you. They days when we danced in the rain and even let the rain tinkled on us as our kisses lasted for seconds. Do you miss me too? I tell myself that I don’t want to miss you but it seems like I can only express it on papers that you will never get to see. This has been my twentieth letter for you. Wishing you to be safe and thinking of me too.

The paper did not slip out of my hand but my soul did. I finally came to realize that it was THIS that I was feeling. The feeling of letting go of him for her.

“I found it~!” He walked in with a relief voice.

“Hana?” He called my name as my back was still facing him.

“Hana?” His voice came closer and I turned to face him.

“Do you still miss her?” I asked and he looked confused.

“What are you talking about?”

“So you knew?”

“Knew what?”

I tighten my fist and tears ran down my face as all emotions possible in this world collide inside of me.

**Jaejoong‘s POV**

She didn’t speak for a few seconds and when she did, it was like she had a extremely bad day.

“You know what? I-I give up. I give up!” She roared and I looked at her like she has gone mad.

“Give up what?”

“Jaejoong… You and I are not the same anymore. I, Park Hana, am not the one who is the love of your life anymore.” She frustratingly stated.

“Wait wait. Why are you saying this all of a sudden?”

“What’s this?” She harshly asked and it was a letter I wrote for Jin Ae on a day I was awfully moody.

“I---”

“Whatever.” She ignored me and took a step forward.

“That letter doesn’t mean anything now!”

“What do you mean it’s nothing? Then prove to me that it’s really nothing!”

“Haven’t I done enough?! Why are you being like this, huh?!”

“JIN AE IS PREGNANT!”

“And?”

“What do you mean: and? You are the father!”

“W-What?”

She broke into tears and ran her hands through her hair as she turned away from me.

“I knew a long time ago that we would never last like how we expected. Why was I so stupid?” She sobbed and collapsed on the edge of my bed.

“Jaejoong…” She looked like she pulled all of her power to say her next sentence as she approaches me.

“Jung Hwa, he… He…”

“He what?”

“He is not your son.”

**Hana‘s POV**

“He is not your son.”

By that, I saw fire raged in his eyes and a hand went across my face. I wasn’t going to blame him for his action since I earned it. I should receive a harsher punishment but who will give it to me?

“So all this time… Jung Hwa was not my son?” He growled and tears poured out of my eyes.

“No. no, no!” He violently shook his head and held me by my shoulders as he look intently into my pupils.

“You‘re lying to me, right? Huh? Hana… please tell me that you‘re lying to me. Please do.” He pleaded by his tone as I kept crying.

“No, Jaejoong. It is the truth. I just wanted you back into my life so I made Jin Ae lied to you. Everything she told you were lies. She never threatened me nor did I keep in touch with her while I was gone. Didn‘t you see how much pain she was bearing when she knew that I was back? Couldn‘t you see it through her? I did but I just didn‘t want to admit it that I was the loser. I was the one who ruined everything for you, Jaejoong. I DID IT! I DID IT!” I yelled and got out of his hold.

“Why, Hana? WHY?! I loved you so much and my marriage came to an end because I believed your words. Why did you have to do this, huh? Why, Hana…?”

“Jaejoong… the pain was too much! It was worse than the first time we broke up! When I came back, I just couldn‘t live a day knowing that you were married to Jin Ae! I had to separate you two even if it caused me to lose my own life but now I realized that it was harder than I assumed! I was starting to lose myself when I saw how much you loved Jin Ae! I was jealous, blinded by hatred, killed by pain so I became the heartless I am now! It was just a few days ago when I overheard Jin Ae saying that she was pregnant and you were the father. You know that you have slept with her! You should know that you have to be with her! Jaejoong!” I went crazy on him.

“I KNOW! I KNOW THAT I HAVE TO BE WITH HER! I KNOW THAT SHE NEEDS ME BUT DOES SHE WANT ME BACK?!” He shouted then let out a grunt.

Suddenly, we looked at the entrance and Jung Hwa was standing there. He was afraid and concerned about what was going on. He had tears ready to fall and his favorite teddy bear in his arm. I ran to him and wiped away my tears.

“Come on, honey. We‘re going home.” I softly said to him with a smile like nothing was wrong then pulled him away.

More tears rolled down my face as my heart slowly breaks away. I was holding the innocent hand of this child who knew nothing about the world yet. He was as lost as I am and lonely for sure. I ruined his dream for him and gave him a false future. I hope he won’t hate me in the future but if he does, I’ll accept it willingly.

The poor baby was in my arms after his parents’ cremations were sprinkled above the ocean’s surface. I was in great tears and depression since I left Jaejoong and my unni along with her husband died in a car accident. I was left with their son, Jung Hwa. I agreed to take care of Jung Hwa since my father wanted to give him up as for adoption. I’ll never forgive myself if I let this happen to this child even if he falls into a better family than mine but after all, he is the child of my unni. I loved him like he was my own son but I also wanted him to know the truth so I told him about his parents. He cried for a day but as the night sky cracks across the sky, he came to me and told me that he still love me as his umma. From there on, I didn’t mind hearing him call me ‘umma’. He was such a little boy with a great lack of knowledge but he sure was a bit wiser than me. I admired him for what he has done which was accepting me who I really wasn’t, his biological mother.

‘I’m sorry, Jung Hwa.’

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TEASERS:

She stood there with the smile that would always greet me in the morning when we were still married. She took in some fresh air and exhale with a bigger smile. I had my hand on the handle and got prepared to go talk to her but that guy just had to come to her first. He started talking to her then took her to his car.

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I thought I saw him but maybe it was just a illusion.

~~~~

I let out an exhausted sigh as I walked up the hill that led to my parents’ house. I rubbed my stomach and smiled at the soothe feeling. I rose up my head and stopped walking when I saw him standing there, waiting.

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UPDATED: NOV 4. 2010