Title: 5/5


The title made us curious.  In the Shadows could have meant many things.  Nice job.

Description & Foreword: 7/10


I liked that the foreword gave off a poetry vibe to me.  I’m not sure if that was how you intended it, but I enjoyed it.  A few errors, however:
She's not just an Assassin, she's THE Assassin.  (Instead of caps lock, I think that italicizing is a better choice here.)
she kills without hesitation, that's because she doesn't have any regrets.  (You need to capitalize she.  Also, you should remove the comma and that’s.  It’ll make the sentence flow better.)
I do not remember anything, everything is a blur.  (Instead of a comma, use a semi colon.)
I know who am I or where I am from.  (I think you mean: I don’t know who I am or where I am from.)
I live in the shadows, when there is dark.  (When should be where.)
Time had passed (You should either remove the had or change had to has.)
and things became to go clear.  (I think you mean: and things began to go clear -or- and things became clear.)
Death is easy, Life is hard...  (The L in life should be lowercase.)

Poster/Background: 10/10


Very impressive poster, I must say.  I’ve never requested from A+Changjo, but I might now.  The background is good too, if not a little distracting.  (Distracting in a good way.)

Characterization: 13/15 


Characterization is pretty good.  I would’ve been a bit more harsh on Jiyeon’s character if it hadn’t been for her nightmares and such.  Jiyeon seems to be perfect: she has the looks and the ability to fight.  She seemed perfect.  But as the fiction went on, we saw more of her vulnerable side.  Human beings are never perfect.  And we’re glad that Jiyeon isn’t some Mary Sue character.
L.Joe seems to be the kind of person that is nice until you betray them.  Truthfully, his character scares me a bit.
Chunji...I want to see some Chunji!  I know your fiction isn’t done yet, so I’m anticipating the arrival of Chunji.

Spelling/Grammar: 11/20 (only Chapter 1 errors will be pointed out)


I noticed that you have a tense issue in the first chapter.  


Flashbacks followed and everything starts making sense.  (Either: Flashbacks follow and everything starts making sense, or Flashbacks followed and everything started to make sense.)


I REMEMBER. (No need to overuse the caps lock button; simply italicize.)
my name is Jiyeon... (The m in my needs to be capitalized.)


I kept on asking myself, if I didn’t stayed back late at my chingu's house that night, (Something about the way you worded this makes this seem awkward.)


The answer is YES, it will. (Your tense is off.  In the line before, you use the word would.  And you switch to will.  And remember to italicize for emphasis instead of capitalize.)


I did stay back late at her house. (Since you use late in the sentence before it, I think you can leave it out here.)


Since it was late, all I wanted was to get back home fast, I didn’t called appa to pick me up instead I decided to take a shortcut. (Correction: Since it was late, all I wanted was the get back home fast.  I didn’t call appa to pick me up.  Instead, I decided to take a shortcut.)


"TURN AROUND, TURN AROUND!" that was what my brain was telling me. (Italicize instead of caps lock.  Capitalize the t in that.)


They were cautious and silent but I could tell something was wrong. (You need a comma after silent.)


As I run faster, my breath grew heavier, and because of that it slowed me down. (Correction: As I ran faster, my breath grew heavier and it slowed me down.)


A man got the hold of my leg and I fell down, I started to scream and I fought back. (Use a semi-colon instead of a comma.  Take out the ‘I’ in I fought back.)

Flow: 7/10


All right, I am sort of confused.  You switch between flashbacks and present day constantly.  In the first chapter, Jiyeon is thinking about her past, am I right?  And then she thinks about life back with L.Joe.  Then in another chapter, I’m assuming Jiyeon has enrolled in school and signed up for martial arts.  And then it switches back to her flashbacks.  The flow is good, minus the confusion I have.  But maybe it’s just me.

Originality: 13/15


Original; I’ll give you that.  I haven’t seen a fanfic like this before.  It’s usually how the gangster boy falls in love with the innocent girl.  Or, the girl is a heartless person who belongs to some mafia.  Your story is different.  I can’t say anything definite about originality since the story isn’t complete yet.

Plot: 10/10


The plot is impressive.  I wouldn’t have thought of it off the top of my head.  It must have took a lot of planning.  Unless it was a random inspiration.  Anyway, I’d personally like to see the entrance of Chunji, since he is a main character.  I wonder what his role in the story is?  And I wonder about L.Joe too...

Enjoyment: 5/5


From the foreword, description, and poster alone, we might have skipped this story.  It’s not bad, but it seems scary with gun violence and stuff.  But once we started to read it, we realized that it was excellent.  Nice job.

Total: 81/100

Bonus: 4/5


Besides mild confusion and tense errors, everything was good.

Grand Total: 85/100


General Comments: 


We recommend this to people who are looking for something new and interesting to read.  Besides the grammar errors, everything seems to be great.  Remember to always proofread, italicize, and keep your tense straight.  Thanks for requesting a review :)  And sorry that it took a long time to get this posted.