Title: 5/5

The title caught my eye, it made me wonder what this story would be about and what different twists in the plot we’re going to happen. 


Description/Foreword: -8/10

Description: 5/5: I loved it, the description summed up the story in a way that I would still want to read on knowing what was going to happen with becoming confused.

Foreword 3/5: I was hoping for a little write up of a chapter that would be coming but that didn’t happen. Also you only gave me character descriptions of character you described in the description.

Poster/Background: 10/10

WOW. You’re poster and background are so cool! I loved everything about them.


Characterization: -15/15


I really like Minjeong, it seems like she’s had such a horrible life but I really like her and want to know so badly how she got her scar.

At first I thought that Onew’s character would be like the clichéd prince charming or like the bad boy you’re drawn to but as I was reading your fic showed me that he has him own demons of his past that he has to deal with. I also liked how he was so drawn to Minjeong and I laughed when he was like I’ve watched you for 3 birthdays.

Jina: I was confused as to why she was a horrible aunt but it all made sense when I read that she was just trying to get her family back. Grief can really screw you up…

The old lady in minjeongs building: how does she know about jinki??? Wahh I really want to know!

The others:

I love Key, I find his character so interesting, he’s drawn to minjeong even though Jinki likes her and he probably knows that also there seems to be something going on with jjong too. Gasp he’s a player! But I love him…

Jjong, minho, taemin: I haen’t read much about them but that’s ok, hopefully they’ll get more parts soon.


Spelling/Grammar: -10/20

10 points for the amazing first chapter! It was very good but you need to watch your run on sentences and where you put comas, also watch your grammar as well.

You She (change you to she) could smell the sweat and alcohol in the air around her..

People were on the dance floor; (change , to ;) jumping, and grinding, and laughing, drinking and drinking their troubles away.

He smelled like so much reeked of (insert reeked of) alcohol, that (insert that) it made her gag, but she stopped and turned slightly to wink at him, before continuing her way down the sidewalk, her leather black purse slung over her shoulder. (revise this last paragraph, possible divide it into 2 different sentences)

Her legs were absolutely gorgeous in her hot pink mini-dress; (change , to ;) it fit so snug against her thighs, no wonder those men had been staring at her.

There was no need for a streetlamp; (change , to ;) it was easy to see her way back to her apartment.

She hadn't noticed that he was centimeters away from her; (change , to ;) he only had to reach out and grab her-

This was her hometown, the place where she had grown up with her parents (they were definitely dead, by the way. Died in a fire, the police had explained to her), and she had never felt unsafe here. Ever. *( try to insert her parents dying into the sentence without using the brackets)

She smiled to herself, and moved her gorgeous leg to take a step forward, but was suddenly yanked back by her hair, her phone slipping from her hands and to the pavement with a crack, and while she was (insert while she was) slammed up against the brick wall on the outside of the club.

know once you get home you shed out of thise this (correction: thise should be written as this) facade and into your glasses, and sweatpants and comfy sweaters.

her. Though she was so afraid, her bodied body (change bodied to body) loved his touch, like it was familiar somehow.

His hands were moving around her, one arm s around her waist to grip her side, as the other moved to carress caress (correction) her cheek again.

The only thing left was the picture of his lopsided grin burned into her retinas, just like how (insert how) his touch and scent were scorched into her mind.


Flow: -10/10


WOW. You’re very good at flow, there wasn’t any choppiness. I’m jealous because I’m not as good as you :P


Originality/Plot: -25/25


Wow at first I was like ‘vampires? This will probably turn out to be like twilight…’ but then I read it and omg it’s like a billion times better than twilight!!! (Hopefully you know the book twilight) I like how you incorporated re-incarnation, vampires and demons together. You were able to create something that is entirely your own.


Enjoyment: -5/5


I really time a billion enjoyed reading this!!! Wanna read my spazz comments???

Awe, I was sad when her aunt was being mean to her about the dress.

Abuse? Wow this story is getting interesting.

Awe the aunt killed the kitty! How sad! Aw.

Wow what’s up with her aunt?? How does she know about onew!?

That bed sounded like it was so comfy!

I would total pick a good looking vampire over an evil aunt any day!

Aweh onew! I’m just spazzing now…

eww showering in blood sounded so gross but cool at the same time!

And I’m pretty sure Hero is jaejoong ^.^

now I want onew to make me food too!

I want to fangirl over books with key too!


Total: -88/100


Bonus: -5/5


You get an extra 5 points because I loved your story and so did your subscribers (I read a few comments)


Grand Total: 93/100


General Comments:

congrats on getting 93% you deserve it because your fic is awesome! Please keep on updating!

Reviewed by 1234cve