Title: 4/5


Good; it fits your story and will make people interested.  However, it lacks the extra something that will attract readers instantly.



Description/Foreword: 3/10


Something that may get annoying is the red font.  If anything, stick to black or a dark blue, and don’t bold the words.


A few grammar mistakes that you should fix:


One just fell right in front of my rusty old gate <--Needs ending punctuation


You might think angels are the ones that wore lavish dresses, skin pure as white and the ones that can lull you to sleep with their songs… <--A version of this sentence that flows better: “You might think that angels wore lavish dresses, had skin as pure as white snow, and lulled you to sleep with their songs...”


But this one, my angel, is different from what I though she is. <--Change “is” to “was”.  “Though” should be “thought”.  Finally, “is” should be “was” (again).


She’s half- when I saw her, skin with cuts and is nearly covered with blood, and when I tried to talk to her, silence is what I first heard… <--Correction: She was half- when I saw her, her skin was filled with cuts and nearly covered with blood, and when I tried to talk to her, there was only silence.


Days go by and suddenly I became attached to her, I don’t even know her name because not only she’s mute but also she can’t write… <--Correction: Days went by and I suddenly became attached to her; I don’t even know her name because she’s not only mute but can’t write either.


I thought of a name for her, which is Seohyun. <--Change “is” to “was”.


I don’t know why but I thought that that name is good for her…but I don’t like it myself…. <--The word “don’t” should be “didn’t”.  There should be a comma after “why”.  “Is” should be “was”.  Capitalize the “b” in “but”.


That’s why I’ve decided to give her a nickname a calling of some sort…that only I know about… <--There should be a comma after “nickname”.


Foreword:


Character descriptions are highly not recommended because readers may judge you as lazy.  If you’ve put all of that information in the foreword, you could have easily incorporated it into your story.  Another thing that is unnecessary is the section above the credits and below the character profiles.  It is already listed at the top of the fanfic, so you don’t need to rewrite it.
Forewords are meant to be formal, which means that there shouldn’t be any mention of “so yeah” or the ~ symbol.



Poster/Background: 9/10


If Donghae was positioned lower, it would seem as if Seohyun was watching him from up above.  Just food for thought.



Characterization: 12/15


Seohyun, in many fanfics, is described as very beautiful and flawless.  What makes her beauty stand out even more is the fact that she is an angel in your fanfic.  Her inner beauty stands out because of this.
Donghae, in your character description, is described as a player.  Yet with Seohyun, he seems more mature.  Donghae has even mentioned in real life that he can’t wait to be a father.  This makes readers see Donghae more as a father than a boyfriend.
What’s enjoyable about Yonghwa’s character is that he loves Seohyun, but not enough to let her be happy in the human world.  We see this in dramas a lot.
Jessica is too much of a cliche.



Spelling/Grammar: 7/20 (Chapter 2)


Since most of your errors are the same thing, I won’t correct every single thing I see here.  There are things that you should fix.
  First, the issue of tense.  When writing in past tense, stick to it.  If you write in present tense, stick with it.  It will lessen the confusion of readers.
  Second, the usage of the comma and the semi-colon.  Commas are meant to separate two complete sentences, and you need a connecting word (and/but/or) to make the usage correct.  A semi-colon does the same thing, but you don’t need the connecting word to make the usage correct.
Finally, the overusage of the ellipsis.  The “...” is useful, but overusing it is not recommended in writing.  Keep that in mind when you write.



Flow: 9/10


The flow is great; the only thing you could have slowed down was the part where Yonghwa gives Seohyun her memories back.  It seemed to happen too fast.



Originality/Plot: 20/25


Angels, for the most part, are a cliche itself.  Jessica’s character is a cliche as well.  Many other fanfics have her as the “evil” character, and yours is no different.  
Your plot, however, is great.  The idea of Seohyun losing her voice--although done before--adds on to the originality of your plot.  If Seohyun had her voice, then your story would be like many others (the mortal boy falls in love with the angel girl and they live happily ever after).



Enjoyment: 4/5
A great read in free time; it’s enjoyable if you ignore the grammar errors.



Total: 68/100



Bonus: 3/5


What took off points here was the fact that you had tense errors throughout the whole fanfic.  Maybe you could get a beta to fix your grammar related errors?  It’s a great plot, but the grammar isn’t stellar.



Grand Total: 71/100



General Comments:


I thought this story would be another cliche where the angel girl and the mortal guy fall in love even if they break the rules.  I was correct up to a certain point.  What I did not expect was that the angel would lose her voice, the guy she fell for wasn’t the richest man out there, and that the main girl had a suitor back in the angel world.  Props to you on surprising me there.  Thank you for requesting a review, and although this may not be the score you were aiming for, remember to keep grammar in mind.  Thanks!