Title: 3/5

Readers can’t relate the title to the story yet; since it’s incomplete, you must find a way to wow your readers in the end.

Description & Foreword: 6/10


Ah, the dreaded list of characters in the foreword.  It’s not wrong, but it annoys some people when you give away parts of those people’s personalities.  A foreword should link the story to yourself in some way.  But the description seems fine.

Sungjong has had a crush on Kim Myungsoo since middle school. (Instead of has had, just use had.)

Poster/Background: 8/10


Besides the fact that the characters seem a bit transparent; the poster looks good.

Characterization: 13/15


All right; the characterization is fine.  Readers may be a bit iffy on Sungjong in the beginning because you mentioned that she could be a top student if she tried.  People might think of her as a ‘Mary Sue’ character.  And since she is the protagonist...But it’s all right because readers will learn more about her as the story progresses.

Myungsoo seemed too perfect.  But in your character description list, he’s hiding something.  Readers should look  forward to that.

Haneul is fine.  Readers may like you made her someone who cries easily.  But if she cries too much, people might get annoyed.  Keep that in mind.

Sungyeol seems hyper and childish.  

Iseul would have been a ‘Mary Sue’ character if it wasn’t for her sickness.  She seems to have everything.

Yuki would’ve been the character that annoyed people the most, but her good character makes people like her.  But I still want Sungjong for Myungsoo.

Hiroki seems a bit perfect.  But when he meets up with Ayumi, I saw that he’s hiding a whole bunch of things.  I’ll be waiting.

Spelling and Grammar: 13/20

(I’ll just do Chapter 1)


Kekeke (Do people really laugh like this in real life?  I’m not sure.)

Kay~ (The ~ should be used sparingly.)

"Pretty much everything I'm wearing is from Japan," she said pointing at her clothes. (Who is speaking?  I’m assuming it’s Haneul.  Make this sentence connect to the sentence before.  E.g. "Unnie bought me lots of stuff too!" Haneul said, trying to reassure me that it was okay.  "Pretty much everything I'm wearing is from Japan.  My backpack and everything in there is from Japan too.")

Leave everything else in the box, I'll drop it off at your house when I drive back.  (Instead of a comma, use a semi-colon.  Or if you want to use a comma, use and, but or or to connect it.)

I looked back all of my gifts in the box. (You forgot the at before the all.)

But I saw you almost everyday over summer (Everyday should be every day.)

As usual, he looked absolutely stunning, without even trying.  (You don’t need the second comma.)

Sungyeol started congratulating himself because he "beat" Myungsoo and Myungsoo was retorting that it was Iseul that beat him and not Sungyeol.  (You need a comma before ‘and’ so that this isn’t an incomplete sentence.)

I lost to unnie.... AGAIN.  (Here, you should italicize instead of capitalizing.)

"Good luck," she said to all four of us.  "Remember to call me if you need anything!"  (If the same speaker is talking in the next line, connect the two dialogue sentences.)

Overall, spelling is good, and grammar is all right.  If anything, it’s your sentence spacing and lack of speaker’s identity.

Flow: 9/10


Truthfully, the flow is fine.  Although it may be a bit slow at times, it’s not so slow that we’re ripping our hair out.

Originality: 11/15


There are many stories like yours.  This may not interest readers at first.  Once people start reading, they start to grow attached to your story.  It’s the cliche of how the main girl can’t get the guy and settles for the second lead, and the evil girl tries to break them apart.  Although props to you on the fact that Yuki isn’t the evil girl (yet?).

Plot: 8/10


The plot is the part of the review that I’m assuming you’ll pay the most attention to.  You were wondering if it was all right.  My answer is that it’s a good plot if you have the determination to write it.  You have all of the characters set out and situations written, and this will all work if you get motivation.  If you’re interested in changing your plot, my suggestion is to find a co-author to help you along.  However, if you lose inspiration, the plot might take a turn for the worst.

You also asked if there were too many OCs in the story.  Well, personally, I don’t think there are too many.  You have all the characters that you need.  The main girl and guy, the second leads, the best friends, and the evil girl.  As long as you can keep all of the names and personalities straight, you’ll be fine.

Suggestions?  Well, I suppose if you’re having trouble, then you should plan out a few chapters and see how it goes.

Enjoyment: 5/5


We found ourselves pressing the ‘next chapter’ button a lot and can’t wait for an update.

Total: 76/100

Bonus: 4/5


Don’t doubt your story!  You just got new readers!

Grand Total: 80/100

As long as you don't lose motivation to write and you keep your ideas organized, everything will end nicely. I want to see more Sungjong x Myungsoo and I want Ayumi to die. Thanks for requesting a review!