Title: 3/5


All you really need in your title is “Spin the Bottle”.  The part of your title that mentions that it is M rated isn’t necessary because after all, it is marked right below the title.  Also, if “the” isn’t the first word in the sentence, you don’t need to capitalize.



Description/Foreword: 6/10


Your description should be in black or a dark blue type because some readers don’t like all of the color.  Not all of the words in your description.  Just capitalize the first word in the sentence/quotation and the characters names.  The capitalization is a bit distracting.  The red is also distracting, but your grammar is better there.  
As for your foreword, your list of chapters should be in black or dark blue once again.  There are some grammatical things that are understandable here and there.  Your character pictures might throw the reader off--try to describe the girls during the fic instead of posting pictures of what they look like in the beginning.
If you want to include a prologue, try not to re-post it in your first chapter.



Poster/Background: 10/10


Your poster fits the mood of your story well.



Characterization: 13/15


“I warned you before, don’t use your aegyo around us men,” Doojoon threatened.  <--This sounds a bit strange coming from Doojoon, but that just might be me.
Besides that, you do a pretty good job of characterizing the members of Beast and the girls, although I can’t really judge since they’re drunk for a lot of your chapters.



Spelling/Grammar: 16/20


If you hadn’t mentioned in the application that you weren’t fluent in English, I would’ve had a hard time believing you.  Here is something that you could fix.
  When you have dialogue, you sometimes use  words that aren’t verbal actions--said, exclaimed, replied, etc.  For those words, use a period before the end quotation instead of a comma.


For example: “Spin the bottle is no fun without girls,” Kikwang pointed out.  <--The comma after “girls” should be a period.
It’s a small thing, and it doesn’t take away from your writing, but it’s just something to consider. 



Flow: 8/10


The flow could use some work.  Add more transitional phrases--after, before, later--and you’ll be fine.



Originality/Plot: 15/25


Don’t force your plot.  Don’t feel obligated to write in each chapter because it’s your fanfiction.  After a while, it seems like you’re writing because you feel like you have to.  Scenes between the characters and character growth will help with your story’s flow, and it will help with the originality.
Why don’t you give the readers more of a backstory.  You could talk--in detail--about how the girls met, and you could talk about how Junhyung met Mika or how Dongwoon met Chohee.  Backstories are good when used at the right places.  I believe that your fanfic could use some.



Enjoyment: 5/5


For the most part, this was a very interesting read.



Total: 76/100



General Comments:


You have a decent plot in the works, but you have to learn how to use that plot to your advantage.  Writing in every chapter will help with the subscribers, but it might make it harder for you to improve as a writer.  I’m not saying to throw in some drama all of a sudden, but consider that a human being can’t think about for every waking moment.
Your English is pretty good, considering that it isn’t your first language.
This probably wasn’t the score you were expecting to get, but I really appreciate you requesting a review.  Thank you for waiting, and thanks for requesting!