Title: 3/5


Long titles aren’t recommended if there are ways to shorten it down.  However, the title fits the story well.  The punctuation in the title is unnecessary; the comma usage is incorrect and you don’t need a period at the end.



Description/Foreword: 6/10


Grammar errors in the description, but they can be fixed:
A teenage girl writes alot of oneshots about her favorite group, and gets caught writting them by on of the members, who just so happens to go to the same school as her. <--“Alot” should be “a lot”.  The comma usage here is incorrect.
He decides to make a deal with her, he will not tell s about it IF she preforms the tasks that are found in her fanfic with him. <--The comma should be a semi-colon or a period.  Instead of using caps lock on “IF”, you could try italicizing the word.
The foreword should be formal, so don’t use words like “I”.



Poster/Background: 9/10


The only thing that could be distracting is the lighting.  The pictures of the main girl and P.O. are a bit too bright.  Other than that, this is a very lovely poster.



Characterization: 13/15


Being unfamiliar to Block B, it is difficult to grade their characters.  However, grading the OCs won’t be a problem.
Eun Hee: She gives off the vibes of a normal high school fangirl, which is what you were going for.  She doesn’t seem to have a definite “group” that she’s in; for example, she’s not a nerd or a queenka.  She’s not perfect either, which makes her a perfect girl to identify with.
Soo Hee: She seems like the kind of girl that would hate you if she was jealous of what you had.  There are girls out there with that personality, so this character is fine.
From what I see of P.O., he seems to be playful, arrogant, but with a cute side.  Everything that a normal boy would have.  Even though I don’t know much about Block B, you’ve made this character seem real.



Spelling/Grammar: 8/20


Earning an irritated groan from the man she currently had in her hand. <--Incomplete sentence.


He only grunted in response, feeling his pleasure increase from the young girls’ ministrations, bringing him closer to his peak. <--The apostrophe after “girls” should be in between the “l” and “s”.


He had received many had jobs before, but none compared to what this innocent girl was giving him at the moment. <--You spelled hand wrong.  There is incorrect comma usage here.


She had never given someone a and she had to admit she loved the idea of providing someone pleasure. <--There should be a comma after “and”.  


She was amazed by the feeling of the warm pulsating flesh against her hand, the way it reacted to her simple touches, just everything about this moment astonished her. <--This is a run-on sentence.


She pulled her hand away from him and examined it, it was her first time seeing the white substance, but she immediately knew what it was, . <--There should be a period instead of a comma after the first “it”.  


She then looked over to him, embarrassed by what she did, but was relieved when she seen that he was leaning back on his hands with his eyes closed. <--“Seen” should be “saw”.


She watched him as his breathing steadied, and as he opened his eyes. <--Take out “as” to make the sentence grammatically correct.


When he made eye contact with her she looked away while blushing. <--There should be a comma after “her”.  Take out “while” as it just makes the sentence wordy.


*Posted* <--It’s comepletely unnecessary, and it could be described in words.


Any of the teachers could see my history, but even worse I was at risk of being caught by another student even though it was quite late for another student to be at school. <--Run-on sentence.


Even though I had all those risks I needed to update, I couldn’t let my awesome subbies go more than a week without an update. <--There should be a comma after “risks”, and change your comma after “update” to a semi-colon.


I was embarrassed and it would only make it worse if he seen the fanfic I had just written about his band member. <--There should be a comma after “embarrassed”.


It only mad me even more annoyed that her newest story was yet another one featuring Zico. <--“Mad” should be “made”.


I wanted to so badly confront her about it, but I wasn’t sure when I could. <--Your sentence is a bit wordy.  “I wanted so badly to confront her about it, but I wasn’t sure when I could” would be better.


also I would also really like to test out how much she really knows how to do. <--You should take out “also” since this half of the sentence follows a semi-colon.


Considering her stories there was no way she could be as innocent as the act she put up at school. <--There should be a comma after “stories”.


I was later than usual because I had an early morning debate with myself; sadly I lost the debate, which I doubt is healthy losing a debate with myself. <--This is hard to understand.


But anyways the whole debate was whether or not I should go to school; I really didn’t want to see P.O. considering he may have seen my story. <--There should be a comma after “P.O.”  Also, sentences shouldn’t be started with “but” in general.


I carefully looked around the room, hoping to not find the person who I seen last night, hoping he was missing school for some schedule or something. <--Run-on sentence.


I was at a loss of words, my worst nightmare had come true, one of the Block B members knew about my fantasies. <--Run-on sentence.


“If you’re wondering about how I found out about your stories I came across them when I found you hiding in the computer lab.” <--There should be a comma after “stories”.


“But it wasn’t last night it was a few weeks ago, you forgot to sign out, like last night.” <--There should be a comma after the first “night”.  


If a teacher had found that they would have called my mother and she would have been so mad, finding out her innocent daughter had such a dirty mind. <--This sentence is wordy, so consider fixing it.


“If not I will have no choice but to give you detention.” <--There should be a comma after “not”.


I gulped, I couldn’t get a detention, my image of a perfect student would be forever ruined. <--Run-on sentence.


Glad to get out of a room that had the Block B maknae in it. <--Incomplete sentence.


On my way I was grabbed by the wrist and pulled in the opposite direction that I had been going. <--There should be a comma after “way”.



Flow: 7/10


It feels a bit choppy; I’m not sure where you’ll take this story.  However, readers may like this because of the element of surprise in there.



Originality/Plot: 18/25


Overdone in the sense that going to the same school as your idol is something that probably will never happen.  



Enjoyment: 4/5


This is an ongoing fanfic, so there isn’t anything definite I can conclude about this.  However, if you clean up your grammar errors and write in one color, then your fanfic will improve heaps.



Total: 68/100



Bonus: 3/5


You’re a good writer, and you have introduced me and others to Block B.



Grand Total: 71/100



General Comments:


I was a bit curious about your story (since most stories on AFF are Shinee fics).  You’ve kept me interested up to this point, and you make me wonder what will happen next.  Although this may not be the score you wanted, I hope that you will find some of these things useful.  Thank you for requesting a review, and I’m sorry that it took so long to complete.